this is hardcore

DOES ANYBODY WATCH DEXTER????

I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE THEY ENDED IT LIKE THAT!!

aaaargh cant wait for next season. so frustrating!!

i feel like i should go read the damn books instead of waiting an entire year for it to start up again. bleagh. whatever.

tomorrow is lunch with TJ crowd, friday is shopping and drinks with D. saturday is meet the grandparents and first theory lesson for bike. sunday is church... haha. did you fall for that one?? sunday shall be cycling i think.

in other news, signed on with a recruit company. might get a job soon heh heh. and when that happens i shall become a money making machine. niceeeee.

applications for uni+learning to cook+planning for india+preparations for sister's arrival+video with mikshake all have yet to be begun. busy busy busy and totally loving it. when else do you get to do only the things you like and nothing else? even when i have nothing to do i can just pick up some stuff and go swimming. life is good right now. until results come out and sucks away all this happiness, i shall spend my days like this...

gotta go get showered and dressed for tonight. meanwhile im in love with this song! its so dark and classy, it makes me quiver with happiness and illusions of...none of your business. haha its the sort of song you get you cherry popped to, if anybody needs suggestions. its Pulp, this is hardcore. which they obviously are.



toodles guys.

star guitar

hey guys

back from vietnam. best time of my life. your greed for pictures shall be satisfied on facebook/here when i choose to stop being lazy.

if you asked for souvineres (i shall spell it however i want], you shall definitely get them if/when i see you. if you never asked for any, then it was subject to budget and my own thoughtfulness... you can stop hoping right there.

time to plan for india trip. around march to april. this time its competely solo, based on my own organisation and 75% paid for by myself - i am a poor student after all. i shall begin my job hunting tomorrow after a trip to the driving centre.

no more 4 star hotels and kid sister for company. india is going to be hardcore now that i know what im in for. hardcore i tell you.

oh yeah, now that im back, who wants to get sloshed??

runaway

hey bitches

got back from malaysia yesterday. leaving for vietnam on sunday. everyone's mad that im going on my own. especially granny. apparently having vagina doesn't qualify you to step out of the country solo... or so im told. be back soon (possibly after getting raped.)

laptop's wonky. using six year old tablet pc. switching between her and the ancient IBM, both of which are seriously fucked up. dad's hinting that i get a job and pay for it myself. greenlight for macbook? heh.

currently using my savings to pay for bike license. running low. shall seek empoyment soon.,

pictures when i find a source to upload on.

bad mood. wanna be back on beach jet ski-ing.

adios amigos

mad world

guess whose going to watch muse on 3rd feb. that's right. MEEEEEEE! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! i'm going with amoeba, her friend and most probably joce. heh heh heh.

i'm planning to go early to get posters and t shirts. this time i'm going to be smarter. i'm going to get my dad to wait for me to buy the poster, dump it in his car and then go for the concert. there's are STILL wrinkles on my oasis poster. i'm going to have to find another spot for muse weeeeeeee.

my As are almost over. chem paper 1 left for monday. its mcq only so i'm kinda in the mood to party already. on tuesday, my dad y.sis and i are going on a beach holiday to malaysia for 1 week. and then after i come back, dad may send me on a cruise depending on whether i want to go. one the one hand, i need to get a out of the house and get a fucking tan... well a figurative tan i mean. on the other, i want to dabble in alcoholism and experimental drugs with friends.

the last part was a joke.

anyway i have to occupy myself before zombie-day comes. the prodigal daughter is returning then and there will be strict time allocations where i stick myself to her like clingwrap and never ever ever ever let go.

i'm thinking i might sign myself up for yoga at the CC (don't sneer). plus i'm thinking of getting myself a job to earn some moolah to fund my many excursions with friends. and if i earn enough i shall make that trip to china/germany i so long to go on. if i don't, then daddy's has to fund my completely supervised breakfast-at-hotel call-home-everyday packaged tour to the motherland, india. eeew. india should be experienced without the frills.

and milkshake and i are gonna make a video. yeah a video. no, not that kind of video... though if you ask her she might not entirely be averse to that idea. heh heh. heh. joke. anw, it's a random embarrass yourself in public type video that i can't wait to make. alpha and denise might join us. it's going to be my film making debut. watch out speilberg.

oooh and i'm going to watch plenty of classic old movies. they show some on okto on sunday nights but i always have to miss them because i was otherwise supposed to be studying. maybe i shall host movie marathons/parties and you lot can come over to watch the entire night. but you have to watch the ones i pick. i've been dying to watch the original exorcism. heh.

oh and i'm kinda ashamed to say that i'm hooked onto cruel intentions. korean 1000497439 part serial drama with plenty of intrigue, suspense and melodrama. while i hang my head in shame, no one is allowed to ask me out on weekdays from 7 to 8pm. i warn you now.

there are plenty of other things i want to do but it's not totally confirmed.

i want to kayak

do that reverse bungee thing

go on resort holiday with crescent people

learn to mountain bike in bt batok nature park

get motorbike licence

i want to get my hair braided like in i'm from the ghetto

i want to die my hair green like clementine

.

.

.

the list goes on and on so granted i shall be very very occupied to keep my mind of how badly i'm going to fail econs. toodles:D

throwing my arms around paris

it's four o' clock and i have a crazing for chocolate milk.

my laptop's being wonky and throwing bitch fits. if i off her, she refuses to start up again. i think it's her battery pack which blew a long time ago or the adapter. meh. she's been working well past her due date, maybe its time to save up for a macbook pro?

olympus has taken to humping anything that stays still for more than 3 seconds which compels me to type this while sitting atop my coffee table. i strongly suspect he's gay because he gets head everytime he sees this other fluffy dog. seriously, he gets all excited, sniff, sniff, the BANG! quite literally. i usually have to pick him up before he starts his deed. the owner always has a very suppressed amused look on his face, which is mighty embarrassing. my tiny homo mongrel on his pedigree pup. sir nathan needs to get neutered.

speaking of homosexual animals, gay dolphins fuck each other in their blowholes. talk about blow jobs...

i gave viagra to my brother so that i can hump him

OMG I READ THIS AND I'M SO FASCINATED BITCHES! SO FUNNY YET SOOO FREAKIN' WEIRD ON SOOOOOOO MANY LEVELS!!!! BE PREPARED TO GO EEEEEEEW AND ROFLMAO! have a disco in your grave freud...

read equally funny comments here:
http://www.droppedthebomb.com/confession/Sleeping-with-my-Brother/3864

This is sneaky, but it had to be done.

My brother is 24, I'm 22 (F). I've been attracted to him for quite a while. Why? My guess is that he's always been there for me, and over the years my feelings simply became increasingly sexual.

I've dated other men before, and this scenario never fails to arise: My partner and I would be making out and suddenly I'd close my eyes and start to imagine it was my brother. Sometimes I'd get so aroused that I became physically aggressive (scratching, biting, even slapping). One of my partners actually had to stop me after I shoved him down and slapped him straight across the face (You should have seen the look he had after shouting "What's wrong! What happened!"). I know it all sounds funny, but I guess it shows how desperately I wanted him.

Anyways, my mother is a doctor, and one day, while at her office, I came across a whole carton of sample Viagra and decided to take some with me. I had no idea why I took it, but after deciding I was seriously overdue with my brother, I realized it could be used to my advantage...

**Note: I probably never would have attempted this, but throughout the years I've seen the way my brother looks at me, and I became increasingly convinced he'd go along if I initiated something.

A couple days later, while my brother was getting ready to call it a night, I crushed the Viagra, stirred it into some already gritty Nesquik (chocolate milk), and told him I "Didn't feel like drinking the rest". He drank most of it, and I waited about twenty minutes for his penis to respond. While he laid in bed, I eased the door open and explained that I had watched a scary movie the previous night, and that there was "Absolutely no way I'd be sleeping alone."

Considering the way he paused before he said "fine", and the fact that he shuffled over and turned towards the wall, I could tell the drug was working. I nearly jumped on him, and put my arm around his stomach. He shoved it away and started acting all grumpy, mumbling stuff like "Cut it out," and "Just go to sleep already, I'm really tired." (I tried not to laugh, but at the same time I was pretty nervous (and EXTREMELY horny, haha)).

Before reaching straight for his package I jokingly said "You just can't get enough of me, you're probably rock hard right now," (I was SO right). I got a good feel of it before he turned on his stomach, paused, and said "That wasn't what you thought it was."

I played along, and was just like "Oh...my...God..." and started laughing while i laid on top of him. I'm not sure why, but I asked him if he thought I was attractive. Of course he said "Yeah, sure," (Actually his face was in a pillow, so it was more like "yeh sr", hahaha). I also confronted him about his periodic "love gazes," and, to my surpirse, started kissing his neck (If you wouldn't have known you'd have thought I was the one on Viagra)!

Contrary to what I thought I'd be like (considering my previous instances), things were pretty gentle. I told him I loved him more than anything, and eventually ended up taming the beast he had in his shorts. We've been pleasuring each other since then, and I'm sure it'll stay that way for a while.

I eventually told him what I did that night. He couldn't believe I'd do something like that, but admits it was an overall good thing. Although what happened is no longer a secret between us, we haven't told anyone our business yet, so I figured I'd post it here, and get some feedback.

I know it's probably wrong, but unless we both end up in serious relationships, my brother and I will always be "More than friends".

when you were young

god i just love listening to some artists playing in live lounge! they're so eargasmically unique...

these are the noisettes doing a cover of the killers song, when you were young. personally don't like the killers but they're song writing skills and lyrical competence just comes shining through in this cover (ironically when someone else is doing it). listen to it please, its so genuinely lovely.

check out the noisettes. brilliant!

in other news, apparently miss singapore universe 2009 can't speak english properly even with 10 years of compulsory education. they're making a pretty big deal out of this, for reasons nobody actually gives two turds about. i thought i might still comment.

a) firstly, should we really be that shocked and mortified? lets look in on the education system. we only have to actually speak good english twice a year during oral. and even then, most of us fake it by putting on accents that don't belong to us. also, the education system's so hard up for teachers, they just about qualify anybody that owns a pencil skirt.

b) we're not going to make it past the first round anyway (just look at her, its like the concept of natural selection just overlooked singaporeans.), why do we care? we don't even need the representation. one day we're wee little fishing pond, and then WHAM! we're twice as big using your sand. our currency's thrice as strong because we're selling your goods. we've achieved political stability in less time than it takes clinton to zip up his fly using your communist ways! clearly, we don't NEED any representation in donald trump's little project to increase his number of sexual conquests before he dies. let's face it, our whole economy's strategy's based on "we're gonna get you when you least expect it". who cares if some little tramp misrepresents us? if you think china's scary, clearly you haven't been paying attention... pardon the patriotism, but its all so trivial and silly.

c) i can solve all of this in 2 seconds by sending my resident PRC scholar over to south africa to be her translator. all she has to do is put a lid on it.

bottomline, let's save that empty space in the newpapers for actual news. can't find any? more foxtrot i say.

cheerio.

inglourious basterds

YABADABADOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

had chem mcq today. last prelim paper. one hour. no time. want to kill myself for mixing up silicon and sulphur dioxide!! went to have breakfast with allan after. his treat, kinda paying back sandwhich bar brunch. bled him dry heh heh heh.

showered and went to watch inglourious basterds with the milkster at around one. she's the bestest company (after you, you and of course you whose reading this). the movie was lovely, very satisfying. although i don't think it quite deserved M18 rating, the blood and gore was tastefully done and sent me into riots. very funny, might watch again given some time.

oh and i saw a trailer for this thai(?) film and i must watch it! sent me reeling in fear... woohoo. horror films confirm my existence.

went to ion orchard for the first time. PRETTY. though i don't quite like the crowd... especially in the evening. i prefer the crowd of vivo or taka, not sure why.

read a book. haven't read any fiction since i was 15 (my jeffrey archer eras. when i finished all his books, i felt a wee empty inside... like there was nothing left to look forward to in life.) that's not to say i haven't read any books, just been reading non-fiction. was pretty excited to finish american gods (part of the collection left behind by o.sis) on the train today. awesome book - although im a little late to the rave party. i might read it again but skip the parts that made sad and weepy.

liked these 2 paragraphs the mostest out of the book:

We do not always remember the things that do no credit to us. We justify them, cover them in bright lies or with the thick dust of forgetfulness. All of the things that Shadow had done in his life of which he was not proud, all the things he wished he had done otherwise or left undone, came at him then in a swirling storm of guilt and regret and shame, and he had nowhere to hide from them. He was as naked and as open as a corpse on a table, and dark Anubis the jackal god was his prosector and his prosecutor and his persecutor.

AND this one...

People believe, thought Shadow. It's what people do. They believe, and then they do not take responsibility for their beliefs; they conjure things, and do not trust the conjuration. People populate the darkness; with ghost, with gods, with electrons, with tales. People imagine, and people believe; and it is that rock solid belief, that makes things happen.

i wanted to put them here so i don't have to keep going back to the book to read them. they're insightful and telling, i find. i know! maybe i'll memorise them and quote them back to people to sound deep, profound and other-worldly. i say you should too... its knowledge that can only come from years of meditation, deep brething and yoga at your finger tips! well worth it, i say. heh:)

so it'll be back to studying tomorrow. toodles bitches!

so sister...

hello there.

had a chem paper this morning that went surprisingly not bad. hoping for a D. aaah, if only... oh yeah, i need a econs tutor badly coz i suck at it and think that econs is all over-generalised bull. if you know someone or are one, email me.

i was so tired this morning before the paper that i had to take a shower without the lights on because my eyes felt like golf balls pressing against my brain. i couldn't sleep last night because i spent the better part of it re-living every past embarrassing moment in my life. ever have one of those episodes? just on the cusp of nodding off... this little portion of your brain that you keep tucked away, buried under a mound happy and safe memories suddenly jabs you with fresh remembrance (and searing hot embarrassment)?

and so i tossed and turned, burying my head in the pillow, yelling into it, forcing myself to think of something else chemistry-related (but then the more i tried the more i remembered of course). physically contorting myself, kicking of the blanket and then suddenly feeling completely naked... what must people have thought of that awkward version of me?? urgh... fresh waves of repulsion and hatred for myself. gross. eeew. yuck. even now I'm making a face...

ARGH! how did anyone ever love me in my prepubescent awkwardness?? from moral reproach to teenage angst to pettiness to adolescent crushes. will the list never end? lying there having flashbacks of incidents that must have subconsciously defined me somehow is painful, horrifying and totally tormenting. it's like all my past crap manifested itself in a horrible twisted scaly monster of a being, prodding me with a gnarly grotesque fingernail every time i try to forget.

"oi oi. remember that time... oh you know... that time you made a birthday card out of paper and colour pencils. and then even had the cheek to give it to boy B? yeah you know boy B... no don't act like you forgot... yeah, that one. the one that never made fun of you for being a prefect and even let you copy his homework? remember what that supposedly sweet boy did to your card? remember? remember? he used it as rough paper for math! HAHA! he might as well have thrown it in the bin, which is where it should have been in the first place! aaaah don't think I'll let you forget.... nope never ever ever, not in a million years. not even when you're on your deathbed. not even when you're lathering yourself with soap in the shower. nope, not now not EVER! muahahahahahahaha ahahahaha"

"ooooh and what about that time... when your mother forced you to cut your hair so short you could see your scalp? oh of course you remember, you cried because you looked like a boy! even the canteen drinks stall aunty called you 'ah boy'."

i protest at this point. 'it's too much' i say... 'no more, no more' i yell... 'leave me alone!' i cry...

"oh but nandhini, that was just the beginning of the story! pray let me tell! you forget about the part where you came home to an empty house..."

NOOOOOOOO! STOP! i hate you i hate you i hate you!

"and you snuck into your sister's room"

lalalalalalalalalalala i don't want to hear! lalalalalalalalala

"and took her pom poms made out of pink raffia string for her school project. oh you remember what you did with them didn't you? it was the silliest thing!"

at this point i'm too tired to protest. its too late... the memory and embarrassment sets in.

"you stuck them under your hairband and pretended it was hair! HAHAHAHAHA! you looked like a total idiot prancing about the house stroking the coarse raffia, tucking them behind your ear in a bid to look like a girl! AAHAHAHAHAHAHA! remember? remember? oh and your maid and mum came home to catch you in the act?? remember nandhini? remember? AHAHAHAHA! oh you fooooool!"

"or how about the time the boys in your class told you spermatozoa was the scientific name for tadpole? and then they asked you in front of everyone in class if you'd eat some if they gave it to you. and you just had to go and say yes because, oh yes! you just had to act cool. you just had to action bedeh! you just had to impress them and prove yourself to be their equal... AHAHAHAHAHA! you're pathetic! you're a loser! you're a totally pussified lumbering sad excuse for a human being!"

and i resign myself to it. 'i know', i say. 'but i'm different now... i don't care what other people think about me anymore!' i protest again.

"oh is that riiiiiight?? are you sure.....?"

'yes, im a changed person! i'm not like that anymore!'

"oh then how about just last week when you were secretly reading the breast enlargement advertisement... just after reading the slimming centre advertisement next to it? 15kg in two weeks. don't lie, i remember what you were thinking, nandhini! you were impressed and wanted to try it~~ remember? and then your dad walked past... tell me dear girl (the monster's suddenly from ireland, a little imagination here please), what did you do? what did you dooooo?? let's hear it..."

'i turned the page to the comics section so that he wouldn't know what i was looking at...' i say, embarrassed at how filthy i was, like i sold my soul.

"you can't hide from me you filthy fake. you can try but nope. i'm in your head. i'm everything you hate about yourself! EVERYTHING! you can't run bitch! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

emotinal trauma...aaah... so you see why i couldn't fall asleep. that little space in my brain where i keep that sonofabitch monster decided at that precise moment to unlock itself and remind me exactly how pathetic and sorry i should be to have been born. i even have a name for that cruel tormenting monster in my head. his name is gary.

gary is like a sibling to me. he's my evil twin... he was born innocent and lovely and sweet with me; he played with my umbilical cord with me; he fell asleep in my mother's lap with me; he had asthma like me; we even tortured my sister together; he liked everything i liked and hated everything i despised. gary and i shared every experience and aspect of my life. difference is that while i deflect, gary absorbs all things putrid, pessimistic and unpleasant about life so that i don't have to. as a result, gary happens to be the part of me which sees the ugly in everything, including myself.

he's the one that thinks about murdering my sister with a machete, pull a machine gun on the old farts that take fucking long to finish morning assembly and even administer a neck dislocation to that little bitch who cut my queue last week to buy 1 tube of mentos (the freshmaker). gary's the one who thinks he can do kungfu, and that he has a collection of knives, shurikens and every sort of missile on the planet that even hitler's reincarnate would be spoilt for choice. gary's a narcissistic little bugger that dictates my self-confidence and my insecurities. he's the source of my hatred for all things fluffy, pink and happy.

gary, like any other annoying entity in my brain, is, in a nutshell, a neurotic psychotic bastard who keeps me alive only for food and water. i could do very well without that dysfunctional, semi-alcoholic, semi-suicidal, atheistic gary in my brain, but what fun would i be eh?

maybe next time i'll tell you about daffodil, she's a sarcastic, Harley-riding, nasty bitch who dreams of dying in a skydiving accident.

i felt a funeral in my brain

yesterday my uncle died and today's his funeral.

it reinforced my belief that life is so fleeting that every minute should be spent embracing every aspect of the human condition.

i've never admitted this before, but a hedonistic life may not be all its cut out to be. neither is perpetual suffering.

the funeral's going to be a Hindu ceremony. he was very religious. and for once, i'm glad he was. gives you a sense of peace. he'll be cremated and his ashes would be spread in the ocean as with the custom.

i do wish my grandmother would be able to accept it. i don't know what to say to her when she cries. how can i be compassionate and eloquent in a language so foreign to me. all i could do is hold her and let her cry in grief for her son. she seems so small and frail these days, so vulnerable you can't stop yourself from crying either.

i think the worst thing that can happen to you is outliving your children. it's a lonely existence, there's this knowledge that death is around the corner... and the waiting for it alone is excruciating.

i've always felt like you come into this world alone, and you leave on your own. where you come from and where you go is irrelevant because you can only be sure here, now and this.

All Things Will Die

by Lord Alfred Tennyson

(1809-1892)

Clearly the blue river chimes in its flowing
Under my eye;
Warmly and broadly the south winds are blowing
Over the sky.
One after another the white clouds are fleeting;
Every heart this May morning in joyance is beating
Full merrily;
Yet all things must die.
The stream will cease to flow;
The wind will cease to blow;
The clouds will cease to fleet;
The heart will cease to beat;
For all things must die.
All things must die.
Spring will come never more.
O, vanity!
Death waits at the door.
See! our friends are all forsaking
The wine and the merrymaking.
We are call’d–we must go.
Laid low, very low,
In the dark we must lie.
The merry glees are still;
The voice of the bird
Shall no more be heard,
Nor the wind on the hill.
O, misery!
Hark! death is calling
While I speak to ye,
The jaw is falling,
The red cheek paling,
The strong limbs failing;
Ice with the warm blood mixing;
The eyeballs fixing.
Nine times goes the passing bell:
Ye merry souls, farewell.
The old earth
Had a birth,
As all men know,
Long ago.
And the old earth must die.
So let the warm winds range,
And the blue wave beat the shore;
For even and morn
Ye will never see
Thro’ eternity.
All things were born.
Ye will come never more,
For all things must die

i feel a funeral in my brain.

pineapples... yummy

friday is the best. robinson knew that.

i want to watch public enemies. i also want that hat depp wears on the posters.

its not fair that some people look so hot and others don't. but i like to think of good looking people as nature's gift to the rest of us ugly people. plus being beautiful is boring, you don't have to work for anything.

i was watching the national geographic channel just now and they showed the offsping of a grizzly bear and polar bear. do grizzly bears live at the south pole? strange. anyway the offspring was hunted down by this redneck canadian fellow and no one seemed to mention the fucked-uppyness of it all.

here we see a perfect example of evolution at its best and in comes along 1 man with a gun and shoots it. and then stuffs it. and then ships it out the national geographic studios to make a show called evolution. sheesh kebab.

this is why i think that evolution is reaching stagnation and natural selection may have run its course. too much interference from mankind. its reaching an asymptote. at first evolution was fast and rapid and then it slows down before stopping all together. maybe this is nature's way of saying that the end is near? nature is one cool badass. nature rides a harley.

did you know the universe is expanding? the moon's spiralling further and further from the earth each year. the sun is going to burn out in a few billion years too. but even before that we're going to run out of oil. brilliant. we're getting kicked off of the planet for pissing nature off.

i hope i live long enough for the apocalyse. i'd like to see nature kick everyone in the balls before saying "fuck this, fuck y'all, i'm going to disneyland and then after that i'm going to take a cruise in the carribeans with johnny depp". nature might be a woman. that would explain all the pms and tsunamis.

on with life and what not. im going to dream of pink ponies and drowning them in a bath tub now.

tako

i've been watching iron chef!! its so hilarious.

the comments people leave behind on the video are even more funny. simply love it.

my BT2 results

they're not toooooo bad though my econs seems to be constant source of misery to me-though i still can't seem to do anything about it. "oh it can't be that bad" you say? try 27 out of 100. that's like a fat U that's shying away from all the other littler Us on the score sheet. well a high U or low U what's the difference? MY HONOUR AND PRIDE!! waaaaah!

other than that... aside from the disappointing GP results, the rest are mildly ok. good even.

math: E

chem: E

econs: U (honourary mention)

lit: E

GP: D

total rank points: 43-45 (not sure which it is)

im big on target setting. its my new thing. im also trying to be annoyingly competitive with everybody so that i have more at stake... like my pride. im going to beat all you motherfuckers, hmph. yeah i know annoying, but its going to help me study with a vengence. heh heh heh. the right thing to do would be to compete with your own grades but since when have i done the right thing and my grades aren't all that challenging to beat.

GOALS FOR PRELIMS

math: A

chem: B

econs: C

lit: C

GP: A

total rank points: 70

my teacher will call my dad up and tell her how awesome i am. brilliant.

the key to success is to set really unrealistic goals for yourself and actually attain them. -Nandhini (the one who got 70 rank points for prelims)

toorah

weird divide

currently listening to the shins and i must say they're mind soothing goodness. i get secretly happy and smiley eveytime i listen to them. they have a weird effect on me. i ruffled a random kid's head again today because of them. luckily the boy and the mum smiled at me so its all good. haven't gained the crazy paedophilic psychopath status just yet.

haven't spoken to sammyQ in 5++ weeks! RAWR. im going to miss this week too tut tut. weep and cry. weep and cry i say.

oh ya. ive been watching singapore television in a bid to make myself more... culturally aware? nah just to put off studying. somehow watching tele doesn't make me feel as guilty as going online even though the amount of time wasted is more and satisfaction garnered is less.

anyway, is it because i just recently started tuning in and and have no idea what's going on in our country? or is television getting vastly more ghastly? seriously...

the ultimatum. yes i watched it. what of it buddy??? its seriously so ridiculous (but addictive i must add). everytime a character pulled out a fucking gun, i involuntarily broke out into rib-breaking laughter. totally ruined the entire moment. they give you an anal probe at woodlands checkpoint for weed but just let you breeze on by into the country with a gun. fabulous.

well at least they speak good chinese... it think. it sounded fine to me. but what do i know?

i only started watching red thread 3 weeks ago (when i was supposed to be studying), but i immediately flinched when "too much botox girl", "ah beng boytoy" and "i try too hard to excel at something i have no talent for girl" tried to speak english. i realise judging noobies for their acting is not fair. but they all tried so painfully hard to speak english, the dialogue was so slow and punctuated with yet more horrible pronunciation. the slower they talk, the more it seemed like venom was injection into my brain through my cornea. and then again with the mother fucking guns. what is with singaporean tv producers' fascination with guns??

there's only so much "surrealism" one can take. im willing to accept all that money being flinged about, the setting, clothes, characterisation... even the occasional "return from the dead plotline". but all that dramatisation about love is so unrealistic in today's context. no one has time for shit like this. maybe 10 year's time when the ah lian population triples in singapore...

"wo ai ni <3<3"

"ni shi wo di di"

"WTF?? gasp!"

fann wong isn't exactly a wanton sex goddess but they spent valuable funds employing 3 guys to play her love interest. if you want unrealistic, lap that up...

i feel that all television actors should have at least some experience with theatre before trying to bulldoze their way onto tele. which was how actors from both shows felt. melodramatic and fake. noobiness smeared all over my television. sad part is: it isn't just the new actors but the "veteran" ones as well. *cough*zoe tay and fann wong*cough*. seriously people really underestimate classical training in acting.

let's face it. i watch these things voluntarily just so that i can rant about and criticise them. i really deserve a kick up the arse.

schmoozer

hello.

been a long time eh? just finished tests yesterday. im going to fails econs for sure. math chem and lit are pending so there's hope!

watched duplicity yesterday with Dilys and i have to say... CLIVE OWEN is a darling man and embodies everything i expect my husband to be. can't wait to go out with the rest of you guys heh heh heh. though im expecting more study dates than anything else:D that's fine too hee hee.

you can see im chipper from sleeping in on a wednesday. aaaah... i may never get to do this again.

right. i had a birthday a few weeks ago and it was brilliant - soaked with reproachful guilt - but brilliant nonetheless. i wanted to do this a long time ago but the exams and all you know...

thursday - slept in and then went to the clinic with daddy dearest to check out my asthma. and then he asked what i wanted for my birthday. i must say i had the decency to look sheepish and coy before blurting out that i wanted a few handphone. we were already in the carpark, but he started pulling out of the parking lot to go get it. we went and bought a not-so-cheap nokia E66 heh then got some lunch.

had tuition later in the evening so it was kind of a downer. and then i actually got to tuition. it was so cute and sweet. kitty cat planned to surprise me:D:D totally loved her for it. she called me randomly one evening and asked me what kind of cake to get for her father for father's day. and we were discussing and i told her i'd get mango cake if it was for my own dad coz its not tooo sweet for diabetic dad and its also my favourite.

she got me a mango cake. it was all very secretive. we were all sitting around her table and then my teacher said he needed to go to the toilet and left. and kit then went to the kitchen. and then yuhui was like "is it very cold?"... "um no"... "can off the fan?" and the she left to the kitchen as well. and the lights went out and they all came out with cake. i was flabbergasted and just literally had my mouth open. i think that really made my day. i mean even my tuition teacher was in on it. what darlings:D

unfortunately since it was a surprise, no pictures from me.

after that i was totally and apologetically late to meet gail, jane, eunice, christine and jocelyn. i was grovelling on the phone i swear. it was uberfun as it is usually with them (i'll be seeing christine and natalie tomorrow i hope heh). i was kinda high and incandescently happy. pictures? hell yeah!

we had peach juice aka. bacardi breezers haha. they thought it was going to be my first drink so they went for something light. it should be noted that gail went a wee bit tipsy on them heh. they presented me so graciously with 2 sleep t-shirts from cotton on. one compliments my boobs and the other insults my kissing. thanks guys. i wear them often.

friday - i met D. her birthday's just a day before mine (she never lets me forget that she's older and undoubtedly first). we had lunch at a steak place. afterwards i got my nose pierced in lieu of the fact that i was 18 (didn't hurt) and then it was just a happy day of shopping. we must have screened through the whole of singapore. thank god i was in slippers. we both got decent amounts of stuff heehee. oooh she got me a pair of really adorably cool sunglasses from miss selfridge for my birthday. i treated her to dinner and drinks at the belgian bar at suntec - ooster's - in return. we decided we loved it there and we're going to make it a regualr place we haunt. if you ask me, west mall's getting quite used to us.

overall it was an awesome birthday. thank you to everyone who wished me, and more importantly remembered it:D remembering birthdays is hard! so it was a honour heh.

hope to see you all soon. til next time... toorah!

gasp! she lives.

russel crowe is fat.

i went to watch state of play the other day. and russel crowe is quite pudgy. looked much better in a good year (though the story line came off better in the book).

the movie itself was quite nice although i sorta knew who the bad guy was from the beginning. it was a little too obvious in the way they portrayed him, like not allowing the viewers to get to close to the character, portraying him as less sympathetic. it was kind of different with scoop (woody allen).

scoop had similar themes relating to journalism, appearances vs. reality etc. it was a comedy but it employed the same plot of mystery. in scoop, woody allowed you to fall in love with hugh jackman's character which sort of heightened the impact. although i watched scoop a few years back when it came out, and the tone and setting were vastly different, i was sort of reminded of it after i watched state of play. weird comparison, i think.

watching radiohead's scotch mist... again. gotta love youtube.
got bill maher lined up after that. he's so witty. not really funny, but the kind of effect ricky gervais has on me, sort of evil grin plastered on your face type.

currently ignoring that twinge of guilt for putting off math. heh.

i hate stats. i think it isn't real maths. its fake math in the guise of real math. grr. im so bad at it. i can't wrap my brain around the inabsoluteness of it.

1.48am. thinking of taking a shower again. and then doing math. showering helps me clear my head for some reason. i get my best ideas in the shower and on the toilet. seriously... epiphanies, i tell you.

anybody else notice how little effort i put into these nowaday? heh off i go then...

song to say goodbye

its been a tough few weeks. its taking more and more effort for me to get back on the horse when i fall off. it isn't just profuse sweating of the eyeballs and a quick sweep up anymore. its the emotional baggage that i carry around for all to see. its happening all over again.

everything sets me off. its so bipolar: one minute its super inexpressible sadness and the next is a quiet calm which then takes me to rage. forgiveness is so of the scale.

its like i can't rely on anything or anyone anymore. i forget to be the way i am sometimes.

dear gods, help me. numb me until we're in the clear of A levels. help me to believe that my feelings of insignificance are significant to you guys. exams are approaching fast. i can't deal with them if i feel like everyday is a hurdle. i pray for alleviation of all this negativity (and also for you guys to exist). cheers, your humble cybercreeper, me.

~!@#$%^&*()

there is self-expression in everything we say, act or do. everything is deliberate. everything says something about you, even nothing. we're all bloody onions trapped within layers and layers of skins, desperately willing someone to put us in the soil to grow. yet when the skins to come of... when the final layer peels away, we end up as nothing. nothing is left anymore except the skins that you pull away. so perhaps we are what we hide ourselves within. there's nothing more or nothing less there. what we show people is really who we are rather than who we claim to hide behind.

i think we all like this notion that there is more to us than meets the eye. come on, we're all guilty of this. we put up facades for other people to peel away at, yet when they get to the next layer and you don't like what they see, we claim that it is yet just another exterior, that there is more beneath. then the question arises, who are we then?

what we show others?

what we show ourselves?

a combination of both?

or maybe we're all sacks of meat, save for complex thought?

who am i, what am i really like? when i find out, will i like what i see? will it even matter if i don't? i don't want to be an onion. nor do i want to be defined in singularity.

i want my existence to be indescribable. i don't want my identity stripped down to simplicity. when i die to be food for the vultures, i want to be more nutritious than just an onion. i wanna be a power drink packing a punch.

jooooooooooooooooooo. sleepy.

my triangle

james blunt on my favourite show, sesame street...

i am the walrus part 2

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D:D

got the photos from amoeba so... this is part 2 i guess. cos one just aint enough of a tribute to them.

OASIS @ singapore indoor stadium. pure fucking genius...

i am the walrus

pictures pictures pictures...

this was a long time ago. after cny celebration allan first, and then kit, jessie and yun came over for a bit before that night's outing. and then there's allan in a punjabi suit that the rest missed hahahah. punjabi pictures below. its alright to laugh heh heh.yup that's what we indians do in our free time... dance and pray hehehe

next up is oasis concert on the 5th of april sunday. the best mother fucking time. brilliant doesn't even begin to cover the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg. their charisma is flawless and performance was unrivalled. i think i would like to live my life in a concert:D damn fucking good.

everybody was body to body with each other. my sweat is your sweat. i was "massaged" in my boobs many times but i didn't give a rat's arse coz the music was what it was all about. everybody was so nice and friendly at the concert. so accomodating and free! like when we started jumping together, the whole crowd would lose their balance and sway to either side, only no one would fall coz its so tightly packed you'd just be leaning on another guy. and then that guy would be leaning on another guy. nobody would mind, instead they'd give you this massive grin and deliriously glinty look that seemed to suggest that you connected on a level that nobody else outside could cmprehend. it was like being in love as a child. no restrictions whatsoever.

there was this guy behind me at one point who ruffled my hair for no apparent reason. and another guy who swayed and sang with me (he put his face close to mine and shouted out the words). and this guy next to me, so nice la... he let me rest my arms on his shoulder. i was whacked a couple times on the back by unnamed people. damn shiok la... everyone should live their lives like they were living in a concert.

im glad christine and yuhua was there tooooooo. they were awesome and weren't frightened of the insane me at all. they went sufficiently insane with me:D i bought a poster which christine was happy to keep for me in her bag during the concert. it got crushed anyway by authentic oasis fans weeeeeeeeeeee!!!! haha i would have bought it afterward but the guy say it will run out pretty soon!!

pre-concert. i was suppressing alot in i must say... yuhua me amoeba

sad to say i was a little too high to take picture during the concert so i have to wait for amoeba. part 2 perhaps? these are shots of the stage being prepped for the awesomeness of liam noel gem and andy.

a lot of people had their fists up in the air, doing air punches, even before the guys came out.

just a couple of geeky fangirls waiting for their rock gods to come out...

clearly after the concert. my hair was drenched. my shirt was moist from my own and several other awesome fans' sweat. you can tell by the colouration of my shirt. felt like running marathons after the adrenaline shot. yuhua felt the same.

amoeba and yuhua. they were too short to see from the back where we were initially standing. then we followed these group of people who were finding their way to the front. then when the concert started we somehow managed to slot ourselves just 3 metres from liam!!

yuhua for some reason is very good at taking selfies. after the concert we were sweaty and grinning out arses off. even on monday, the adrenaline hadn't caught up yet. we were all bouncy and super high and the sheer thought of the night before made us mad with pleasure!!! hahaha i was on ecstacy and my sister got the worst effects of it. even the next day when i returned to school i was a little... off. nonetheless, i slowly returned to my lethargic "school" mode through the course of the day:D

my poster:D:D:D:D:D:D wahahaha! suits my room i must say...

i have decided to collect them at every concert i go to and cover my walls with musical goodness. radiohead's next. i already have a spot on my ceiling reserved for them so that i can wake up to climaxes everyday:D only kidding, that spots saved for matthew bellamy;) gosh just thinking of the concert makes me splash my posts with neurotic euphemisms and smiley faces... something i only approve of and allow when one is incandescently happy :D:D:D:D:D:D weeeeeeeeee!!

right. so yesterday was sports day. i was on photo duty(meaning slacking off in the dark room with mm and sweet rachel) so i didn't have to sit through the festivities. seemed loud though. must've been alright. last year i didn't bother with coming to school so i have officially missed sport's day for the rest of my life. haha i think mm and i share the same "who fucking cares?" sentiments on this one...

later we went to watch detroit metal city. it was a horribly douchebaggy movie that i wasted 8.50 on... i warned the milkshake but she just had to watch it against my better judgment tut tut. it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that if the movie is in japanese, made in japan and has a poster that looks like this,chances are that the movie will suck balls. hahaha but mm has a incurable addiction to fetishy cutesey films with million dollar marketing schemes. sigh, who can help her? hahaha like an exceptionally adorable moth to a flame...

before the movie we saw this and just had to do it... a few ang moh girls walked past and laughed at us heh. now this is a movie i want to watch... yummy.

have a good friday everyone!! hahaha i hope you notice the not so subtle play on words... church on saturday evening anyone? betamon's having a thing and i need good company...