hysteria

greetings

teachers' day celebration today. i skipped out on the "fun" and stayed home to study. not much got done so all you mugger toads who are hyperventilating at my sudden change of heart can relax and put your minds at rest.

today it dawned upon me that there is not a single part of me that's nice. no, not physically fuckers. i meant character and attributes. i really hope christians are wrong about heaven and hell because we all know where im going. seriously, i haven't got any of the conventional "good" characteristics. all of them are really evil, bad and plain undesirable. its like i just got all the traits that nobody wants and it all got packed into one vessel, and that vessel being me. come now, let's not label this post as "emo" and think about it for a second. there's not one part of me that's not flawed. im a big queer quirk who inherited all of satan's characteristics and i have no conscience. SHIT this IS actually depressing me. oh no im so bad (please don't get turned on. thank you.)

today it dawned upon me that not everyone wants to listen to my nonsense. in fact NOBODY wants to listen to my nonsense. and by nonsense i mean my warped views on life, religion, politics, race etc. everybody's scared of my nonsense. how am i supposed to know that there are actually people out there who want to live in complete and utter oblivion?? dammit i knew i shouldn't have told that 5 year old kid on the street that there's no such thing as god. i bet nobody wants to read this either. you guys probably just skim through the crap. i can say anything i want!! i could say fuck fuck fuck and nobody will know because nobody cares to read through my verbal poo. can you actually imagine pooping out of your mouth and eating through your butthole?? oh wait you wouldn't have to imagine!! you can just watch south park!! la la la la la. my opinion doesn't matter. nobody wants to hear what i say. uh ha ha uh ha ha ha ha ha (for imaginations sake, im laughing maniacally. sounds something like someone in a psychiatric ward. i had caffeine and this is the result of it). boohoohoo. rant rant rant. whine whine whine.

insanity runs in the family. dementia, devious manipulation, psycho ex wives, maid bashers, convicts etc. etc. etc. sigh... my life is like desperate housewives, except its with indians. my life's a cheaply made soap. *whine everyone hates me whine im unlovable whine im insane whine* okay, now we all know that aside from being evil without any hope of redemption, im also annoyingly whiny as well. okay NOW THAT IVE FULFILLED THAT LITTLE BLOGGING DUTY that you lot have been pestering me for, i can get to the good stuff.

today, kiddies, we're going to take a look at 6 people in pop culture that are walking talking embarrassments to mankind. more embarrassing than you or me of any other silly thing that you may ever do for the rest of your life. come now fuckers, let's forget about my own little puddle of word vomit. forget... forget... forget... forget... forget...

coming in at...

#6 Anne Heche

better known as ellen DeGeneres's ex-lesbian ex-partner who turned straight after tasting a bit of cameraman's cock. well the embarrassing bit isn't actually the molested by baptist gay father or the highly ambiguous sexual orientation. its actually even more embarrassing than either one. the getting molested part isn't really embarrassing just really sad. the ambiguous sexual orientation actually gives you some sympathy brownie points in hollywood these days. are you ready for this christians? she thinks she's...um...Celestia... JC's...um... half-sibling, making her...um... GOD'S DAUGHTER. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. have you contracted a hernia from laughing yet?In her book, she explained that before her split with DeGeneres, she was contacted by God and was told that he would walk with her for seven days. oh wow, god sure does have a lot of free time eh... did i mention her mother is a christian psychotherapist? hmm...i wonder why she suddenly became 'not a lesbian' anymore? hmm... oh right... jesus's daughters can't really stick fingers up other girls' naughty places. i forgot. whoops. i think the fact that you just revealed to the whole world (okay, just to people who read your book) that you think you're the female jesus is enough reason for you to bury your head in a hole and never ever look up again. let's be fair (pfft), there are 5 other numb nuts who've won her out. barely.

#5 Eddie Murphy

yes, you guessed it. i don't think i was even alive when the spice girls came out, but im google savvy enough to know that eddie murphy dated the ugliest chick in the group, melanie brown. if you were that hard up for some spice, i would suggest any one of the other 4 up on the spice rack. seriously, that david really set a trend going eh? eddie, darling...you picked the worst spice, honey. she's scary spice for a reason, a good one too. now now, im not one to call dating ugly people embarrassing (well, i am, but only if you're a A-list actor. eddie murphy, my loves, is completely and utterly NOT an A-list actor). KNOCKING UP UGLY PEOPLE AND THEN DENYING IT BLATANTLY, unfortunately for you eddie boy, IS.the embarrassing part is actually more about the denying bit. if you have sexual relations with a particularly hard up lady, you better be prepared to believe that you spawned her child (for she probably hadn't fucked anybody else). maybe he was just shocked and alarmed at the fact that he's had enough children to start a baseball team. i would deny it too, but that wouldn't really be my call. the paternity test finally revealed to the entire world that eddie's going to be a daddy...for the 8th time, not to mention he had to swallow a ton of media jibes and pokes and endure a certain blogger on an unknown island making fun of him. ta da! eddie, my boy, i think you just made the cut. *rounds of applause* denying that you fathered a child with a chick and then later letting the world find out that you are, in fact, the baby daddy, qualifies as embarrassing.

#4 Tom Cruise

i know you've been waiting for it. aside from being l.ron's devoted deciple and an outspoken dickhead scientologist, he's also short. katie katie katie, he's not all that good looking and WAY overrated. well aside from his increasingly mediocre looks, he has had numerous embarrassing episodes. well, for someone in the media...we're not really surprised to see him here, are we dear readers?

Mr. Cruise, if his name isn't embarrassing enough, is short as well. he is 1.7 metres, but CLAIMS to be 1.75 metres. now now, im not that cruel as to dismiss short men. after all, you know what they say about short men: lacking in height, endowed with length. well, at the very least could you do girls that aren't cowering over you? maybe that's your thing, i don't know... poor poor katie has to wear flip flops during her wedding because of your little defect. even your ex-wife, nicole, resents you for denying her the simplest of feminine pleasures. not that, you sick bastards. i meant heels. really...

remember that refined, cool, gravity defying guy that hung down from ceilings in mission impossible, yes, the one where every spy movie tried to parody and achieve the same scaled orgasm from women? well...sorry to break it to you girls, he's off jumping on Oprah's couch on prime time sundays now. least he could do was take off his shoes. how rude. oh yeah he was also allegedly gay. nope, i didn't make that one up. one can only imagine what kind of relationship L.ron and him would've forged. yes, a truly spiritual one. so tell me reader, how cool is he NOW? muahahahaha, defiling one jackass at a time. embarrassing, isn't he? who'd want to shag him now?? muahahahahahah. i also have a feeling that he's shooting blanks.....you know, come to think of it, his one and only biological child, Suri, looks kind off...oriental. anyone else notice that? hmm...

#3 Britney Spears

okay i couldn't help myself. outdated and old news, but embarrassing. deeply. truly. absolutely. it was just a domino effect with her. one after another, and let's face it we're jackasses who lovd every single moment of her downfall. initially, instead of just her i wanted to put in nipple slips by janet jackson, natalie portman, tara reid, kirsten dunst etc etc etc. BUT i thought there were too many, its not embarrassing anymore. why not just target on the weak and helpless...by that i mean britney. in fact i think she's had nipple slips AND pussy slips. fair trade off, i say...

act 1. married high school sweet heart for about 50 hours before getting a divorce.
act 2. married k.fed, white guy doing the black guy thang.
act 3. had 2 babies on after another.
act 4. in the process she lost her leotard body and became just a normal fat lady with 2 kids. totally lost the spark.
act 5. let her nipple slip.
act 6. divorced the father of her 2 babies, k.fed
act 7. goes partying with paris hilton and let's her pussy slip.
act 8. SHAVES HEAD BALD
tada!! see how i built that up? yup the bald head was the inchilata.
act 9. tries to make a comeback, builds everyone up for it and then shows up FAT.

basically what im TRYING to say is that scene 2 of her whole fucking life is an entertaining embarrassment. yup. well she still kinda doesn't top the charts. you'd think she would, but she doesn't.

#2 Lafayette Ronald Hubbard
you may ask, why is this fucktard here? come now, you know i just can't let religious leaders be. you know better than to read my blog if you want clean humour and digs at people who are alive enough to defend themselves. before you google him, i'll save you the trouble. he's better known as L. Ron Hubbard, founder and follower of Scientology. i was really tempted to put up jesus here but he didn't exist so anything embarrassing that he said or people say he said didn't exist either. so he's spared. occasionally im charitable yeah...okay again im kinda sorta cheating. i didn't really know who this alien fucker (literally, to him anyway) was until Tom Cruise opened our eyes to the...um...religion that is Scientology.

for once i have to agree that christianity isn't the most ridiculous religion that ive ever heard of. so imagine the type of fucktard that our friend l. ron (sounds like a rap star) would have to be to come up with a religion that is even more insane than christianity. makes all the rest of the religions pale in comparison. seriously, you have to hear the horseshit that this guy comes up with. its so ludicrous that you HAVE to believe the bull that he spews. of course, him being a fiction writer considerably helps his cause. if anyone on this planet earth (or even on his planet, Xenu) has anything to be embarrassed about, its this guy. come to think of it, #1 has nothing on this guy.

before i outline some of the finer details of scientology, i would like to state that i am not making this fuck up. if i was wrong, it would be wiki's fault, so there. i think that took care of all those lawsuits waiting to happen. here's some details of the cult that tom cruise's poor unwitting oriental baby had to join:

it is, according to its own texts, "the study and handling of the spirit in relationship to itself, others and all of life."- wow, sounds like a definitive answer to all the questions about life i've been having.

"man is a spiritual being whose existence spans more than one life and who is endowed with abilities well beyond those which he normally considers he possesses." -im literally trying to summon the mug of milo on my desk to me. come on! move milo! move! damn, maybe i need to monitor my thetan levels better. hmm.

In Scientology no one is asked to accept anything as belief or on faith; the tenets of Scientology are expected to be tested and seen to be either true or not by Scientology practitioners. "That which is true for you is what you have observed to be true." -holy shit! a 'religion' that DOESN'T need faith?? where can i join?? better ask my dad to give that money he saved up for my university course right now eh...waaaaait a minute...lets stop right there for moment... im paying to come up with MY OWN answers? WTF you aren't going to tell me dumbass??!!

It is believed in Scientology that Scientology will only work when it is applied in its pure form as Hubbard intended. -well that really makes it quite believable, doesn't it? it only works the way you say it works. in retrospect, christianity looks way more appealing to me right now. so mild, to say the least.

The Scientology Axioms are a condensation of all Scientology data until 1954. Examples of these include:

• Axiom 1 Life is basically a static.
• Axiom 4 Space is a viewpoint of dimension.
• Axiom 21 Understanding is composed of affinity, reality and communication

-explaining one unexplainable nugget of confusion with another. way to go clear things up for me l.ron, i'll be sure to join...

Perception and worship of God is a personal matter. The Church of Scientology is non-denominational. Scientologists worship God as they choose. -marketable, no? you can have more than one religion. its like multiple choice, except that there's no wrong answer.

the rest of the bull shit is on wikipedia. did i mention l.ron's son commited suicide? hmm...i wonder why? here's tip to those thinking of starting a religion: just because your religion SOUNDS like science (mainly because you're putting "science" in front of whatever you're going to call it) DOES NOT MEAN that its fucking science. science is human crap that actually makes sense. dear reader, does alien invasions and "thetan levels" sound like fucking science to you? if it does, i hate to break it to you, but i think you're a scientologist (notice its NOT "scientist", maybe because its NOT science).

DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....
#1 Sheryl Crow

we all know who she is, especially after she dated lance armstrong and got breast cancer shortly after he dumped her. she's actually a singer and songwriter as well darlings. surprise! i think the singer thing actually came first...wait did it?? hang on, let me check wiki...yeah it did. well how was i supposed to know? i don't listen to "folk music"...what is that anyway? plus she's as old as my grandmother's bras...my point being there's really no reason for me or anyone else to know who she is until...

she, as with all media whores these days, started caring about the environment and stuff. now look here weblog reader, i love the planet as much as the next person (the people dwelling on it...not so much). i may be a racist pompous git and all, but i give a shit about global warming and all that new age stuff too. sheryl, on the other hand, really takes it to the next level. apparently she's saving the planet one toilet paper square at a time.

i think you can sorta tell i was looking for pictures looking most like she was doing the big one

here's what blondie had to say: "a limitation should be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting” and perhaps “just washing that one square out". and its "alright to use 2 or 3 squares just for those pesky little situations."

...well either her crotch is really really (really) small (i highly doubt so, im sure it would take lance less than 3 years to realise...um...any technical malfunctions? either that, or lance junior's equally miniaturised) or she'd soon be going to her doctor for syphilitic genitals as well. i don't know about you, dear reader, but i would much rather have global warming run us down into the ground than a syphilitic crotch. but hey, while she definitely makes it on the list, you got to give her props for the whole cancer thing. i hear radiation kills brain cells too, you know. well, at least she didn't suggest sharing the loo roll.

i was not disappointed is all i can say *ahem*

WOW, that was bloody long. see... my posts don't have to involve me whining about my day and miserable life in order for them to be stellamatic.

white lies

when you're feeling angst, what else is left to do? make fun of al gore, that's what...

"Guys, check it out, I invented a car that runs on pandas."

beautiful ones

well hello there cyber dwellers...welcome welcome...welcome into my humble abode...

today, we had school only for 4 hours. 2 hours of econs and 2 hours of pw. 4 hours of...drum roll please...CT Choo! Yippfuckidydoo! because im a lazy fuck and can't stand her, im going to remove one letter and replace another letter in her name. from here on forward, she shall be known as CT Poo.

anyone and everyone who has tried their hand at PW will agree with me that PW sucks my dead grandaddy's dry balls. CT Poo totally pisses me off. she should go suck some balls. probably would make her less uptight, straight laced, boring and ANAL. yup. sucking some balls would make her life a fuck better. definitely.

i just downloaded all the albums of Oasis and i have to say ive totally been missing out on a ton of oasis love. liam and noel gallagher are rock sluts and they make fucking fantastic music. its not really helping my judgment that im bobbing up and down in my seat and spinning around listening to them while i write this. ah what the hell, when have i been unbiased. its head banging, pot smoking, irish sailor swearing rock and roll music that everyone, at one point in their lives will fall in love with and never grow out of. you mainstream toads suckers really don't know what you guys are missing out on listening to the janus/jeremiah/jonas/jojo (its multiple choice) brothers. head thrashing goodness, yum yum yummy yum. oh fuck. ive entered a state of trance. get me my pipe buddha...

okay back from my little hiatus. here's one reason why i love allan. he's my one and only link to all things GAY and psychedelic. and BOY DO I LOVE all things gay and psychedelic. be prepared to enter a state of mind where you can't return from...the land of the GAY. dang dang dang DANG! lets now momentarily enter a gay club and do the YES dance (yes, ]the YES dance) complete with pelvic struts. yum yum. here comes the funk fucktards.

no warnings this time yeah. let's face it, if you knew what's good for you, you wouldn't even be reading my blog. so, off we go then...

WARNING!: HOT ANDROGYNE ALERT!

Grace Jones
female
straight

Boy George
male
bisexual

AND: Georgie's and Gracey's baby would look like...aaaw...
male
unknown

really, who wouldn't want to be gay when they make everything seem so funfuckingtastic. sigh... er...right. okay for those of you tired of those korean, japanese, taiwanese, cantonese dramas, here's something that won't lower you IQ. take comfort in the fact that you can safely watch it without having highly disillusioned views about how the world revolves and works.

i personally think HOUSE is a good escape from all things boring and mundane, well...your life really. wit, humour, sarcasm and....well an early 50s bearded british fellow acting as a grouchy american doctor. you can see why me liking this showey.

the story: not really a continuous prose form. there are some links between episodes so its good for those who are unable to sit through dramedies like me. its about this brilliant genius doctor names Greg House who solves unsolvable medical mysteries. not much blood and stuff, just some cool computer animation to depict what's happening in the patients body. he has this team of 3 to bounce of ideas off of and be his minions. he verbally abuses them with his sarcasm and intellect. people other than me finds this funny so you can safely start watching twerps. did i mention he's addicted to prescription drugs? heh heh heh, everything a girl with upcoming promos dreams of.

finito

fuckin' in the bushes

when i got to school i thought everyone would be talking about usain bolt since the olympics is the only thing on tv these days. i was quite disappointed. setting a world record and all is quite a milestone, i hear. well at least nobody was talking about ping pong...oh sorry...table tennis anymore.

updating only because im being pressured into blogging by miss milkshake who thinks my blog is her trash bin. my blog is MY trash bin. peer pressure...

being in a christian school constitutes certain morning routines. one of them being prayer session. about 30 seconds long if an SFC member does it, about 5 minutes long if a teacher does it, about 10 minutes long if the principal does it. i don't know, is it supposed to go by rank or something? higher up the ladder, the more you get to hog the mic or something like that. being the agnostic that i am, i don't have to pray. i just have to stand there, look respectful and keep my JC slammings to my blog; a system that work for everyone fine. so while everyones bowing their heads and praying i usually think about where in my day i can slip in my morning naps and well look around. sometimes i want to see who else is not praying also. can you blame me? im nosy. sometimes i try to make eye contact with them.

okay, so principals praying today. im looking around right and then i see this guy. he's situated diagonally from me with no one to hinder my view. oh you wouldn't believe the sight i saw. he brought his finger to his nose, scratched it, stuck it into is nostrils that were enlarged from prior practice and dug it. and oh did he dig. if there was and olympics for nose picking, he would have won the gold medal. he was also making this "shiok"face, like there was this one little booger stuck in the crevice of his nostril cave that he just couldn't get out, but it was satisfying to try anyway. oh my my. i was almost rooting for it to come out to put him out of agony. and then, finally, it came out. the little shit was a stuck between his fingernails. he analysed it for a few seconds. raised his fingers to his mouth and tada! the deed was done. i looked around for witnesses. alas, i was the only lucky winner. yipee. which brings me too...

note: the following consists of disgusting scenarios taken from the 'prospect' magazines. if you have a weak heart, don't continue. if you don't usually read my blog, now isn't really a good time to start. come back next week. bye. adios.

story number 1: scenario that may or may not have happened. probably didn't but could.

guy goes to the market. guy buys a whole frozen chicken from market. guy warms it up at home. guy puts a condom on and fucks the chicken. guy finishes fucking. guy cooks the chicken. a roast maybe. guy serves it up for sunday dinner to his mates and girlfriend. guy earns title of disgusting.

story number 2: probably happened before in weirdo societies

a guy and his sister decide to have sex. they agree its a one time thing. they use all protection known to man. they enjoy it. they go back to normalcy afterwards. in fact their relationship improves. no one ever finds out. they're labeled as disgusting weirdos.

DISGUST. why? the premises are all set out for you nice and cleanly. you've picked you nose plenty of times. you're only eating your own mucus. ah, but you cringe, you cringe the same way you cringe when you hear someone just drank their own pee. "eeeeew" you go. why? explain the rationality behind irrationality.

we often use disgust to protect ourselves, a sanctity in which we seclude ourselves in. why is something you do without a second thought when you're 2 become so disgusting when you're 20? the essence of disgust stems from us all standing from our high ground of morality. i ask you, who the hell are you to decide what's moral and what's not? who are you to cringe your nose and deem something disgusting? does eating your nose shit harm you in any way? in fact smoking does more harm than eating you nose poo. so what makes one more disgusting than the other or what makes them both as disgusting? why turn your nose at it? why, especially when you can't find a reason for it?

fucking a dead chicken may be erotic for some. it works for them. there doesn't seem to be any problems. dozens will admit to sodomy and bestiality, especially in western settings. no STDs, a quick fix, safe and hygienic. and yet something in your mind tells you that there's something seriously wrong with this scenario. is there really? is fucking a chicken any better than having wild promiscuous sex with random woman with unpronounceable diseases? how is masturbation any better when the concept is the same? what makes you writhe in disgust? pin point it. can you even get started? don't try to explain it with morality. morality has nothing to do with it. its like explaining rationality with irrationality.

note: im not telling you to go fuck dead chicken or your sister. just analysing Disgust.

if any of you have a CONCRETE reason why any of the above mentioned is truly disgusting, i would genuinely like to know your take. if you can pin point the exact reason why our brains make us squirm and squeal, tell me. please think it through though.

on that note, a little advertising: the 'prospect' makes you really think. its a series of monthly mind fuckery. go read it sometime, its fanfuckingtastic. till next time.

garden of love

salutations

yummy yummy friday love. i love you all. jesus loves you all. jesus loves you more of course, but we all know that love is a figment of our imagination so you'll have to settle with just mine. uh clearly im high. cloud 9. tapping some bong. whatever you want to call it. the root of all evil is food. more specifically, cake.

it was a glorious day, one that every children's picture book depicts. blue birds(pigeons really, but you get my drift) and red roses(for narrative sake, bear with me) gleamed in the background with floating candy floss clouds(ah this actually was there) in the horizon. i walked into the CC for my friday morning chapel. oh yes, it was a glorious day. for you see, unlike every other chapel morning which made you stand up, sing songs and convert, this chapel session was different. it was different and enjoyable, which is always a miracle with me. i loved today's chapel. it was truly funtastic. it made my friday truly more enjoyable than it used to be. almost makes me want to make peace with the religion. i had no fucking clue what the pastor was going on about and that's exactly how i love my religion served to me, incomprehensible. what a truly wonderful start to an otherwise angst filled friday morning. hallelujah amen whatever, i'll go with the flow if all chapel sessions were in hokkien. although exactly how they're going to convert people in hokkien is besides me, i mean the unwitting indian usually just goes to sleep peacefully.

you can skip this part if you like. just fulfilling boring blog duties. next we had pw. miss choo. Lit: always enjoyable as it is the only lesson whereby i have any idea as to what's going on. miss zhou was clad in her usual 'this fashion' ensemble. a significant lapse passed where i learnt a lot from my classmate (whom i don't dislike at all, surprise!). then we had econs, miss choo again. i don't like her much. she thinks she's my mother and ive already gotten one, as dysfunctional she may be. i don't need another psycho on my trail. GP. marked compre and then watched video on south africa, robert mugabe and all that stuff. one of those things could have been done more productively at home, and i don't mean the video. a waste of a perfectly good morning, mmmmm just how i like my days.

and then in the afternoon: MISS MILKSHAKE'S BIRTHDAY LUNCH(which kind of turned into tea with the amount we ate...no dinner for this little piggy). its MM's birthday on sunday and tada! her 2 very almost bestest friends decided to feed her and make her fat. we went to fish and co. which seems to be the most obvious and apparent restaurant for a birthday bash these days. upon beta's suggestion we went to novena's fish & co. nothing out of the ordinary, just a dash of insanity, a cupful of good company, a handful of magic tricks (literally), some cam whoring and truckload of food to get the engine flaring up like a formula one race car with me (in my current state) in it. all in the day's work. it was honestly a spot of good fun.

pictures to prove that such a great day was not just a figment of my imagination.

first course: a healthy salad, shared. beta loves the ikan bilis that came with it, but then beta also loved the garlic that came in olive oil. i thought it was nice but way overrated. i was expecting a frenzy of crispy flavours in my mouth, but instead got reminded of only the sunday nasi lemak.

uh...documentation on the first course. beta and MM.

apparently, MM drinks soup with a fork. or maybe she was trying to comb my hair. can't remember. the clam soup was a good starter and had lots of chewy seafoodie ingredients in it. it was my first time trying the "hum" and i was quite revolted by the fact that i liked it. had an almost perverse chewiness to it that i relished.

main course: yes my dears, salivate as much as possible. seafood platter was amazing, probably because it was my first try. there was an excellent value for money portion that we shared. there was some calamari, chips, prawns, baked fish and yellow rice in the bottom. while MM and i didn't fancy the calamari much, beta liked it well. she was too full to finish, but nonetheless. i thought it was plainly cooked and could have been way better. really should invest in indian spices, really spruces things up i say.

MM's fish and chips. at first i wanted her to try something new and exciting, but when you're at fish & co. you must remember that its a speciality there. can't leave without having it, crispy sand-like crust that encased a moist and flaky fillet. it helped that it came in a big portion so we shared the divine goodness.

look at that...she's all excited to eat. MM's truly a fat kid deep inside, can you tell?? well, seeing her happy really makes me quite happy. i should start doing like...good and...stuff...

MM's drinking the passion fruit soda. looking back i should have tried some. looks so fucking good. notice the pan's empty and as clean as when fish & co. first purchased it. beta and i helped with the 'cleaning' up.

can you tell what dearest betamon's eating. if you look closely enough at her expression you can tell its totally going to give her an orgasm. yes, cyber dwellers, yes. IT'S GARLIC IN OLIVE OIL. i tried it. let's just say that it didn't exactly have the same effect.

when all the food's gone, what do you do? you take a picture and look sheepishly into the camera. you also cancel the carrot cake. one of our better judgments this afternoon. thought im still quite sore about it, im sure the carrot in the carrot cake was actually making it healthier! i swear, if ever there was any accuracy to the tale of the garden of eden in the bible, it would have been cake that the serpent was offering. make that a chocolate cake (which we, of course, couldn't bear to cancel)

there was a straw above my head to make me vaguely resemble tinky winky. notice my plate. notice my expression. draw the connections yourself please.

i swear i didn't mean to look so...deranged. MM said something to make my expression so contorted i think. beta's looks like she just stepped out of a sauna.

the view was splendid, in my opinion. it may not have been all that great, but it looked beautiful today afternoon. oh, i got an iced tea with a slice of lemon in it while beta got a sprite...with a slice of lemon in it. apparently that's what they do in "posh"places: lemonise everything. did i mention the fish and chips came with a lemon? so did the seafood platter.

kissy kissy

after the massive meal, MM looks like she's going to burst at the seams else she makes a large burp. at this point the cake's not here yet.

i yelled out: advert for fish & co! and we have mixed responses (totally spontaneous and unplanned, they ended up giving similar poses). table full of...empty dishes. heh heh heh.

betamon covers her face with the shyness of a blushing bride. aaaw.

im probably looking at the cake, i have no idea.

for some reason MM thinks that she's a magician who can do card tricks. the concentration on her face was priceless...she ACTUALLY believes she can pull the wool over our eyes. my dear, you're a dozen years to late. but im too lazy to argue so...

beta and i humour and patronise her as she comes up with one after another on the spot. it was actually quite cute. at least she was better than beta and her weird arse coin trick. i think it looks like we were gambling at the empty(well, except for the staff) fish & co. what better way to end of a meal than to laze around showing each other lame card tricks.

we were almost about to give up on ourselves and then the cakes came. the forbidden confectionery in the garden of oestrogen. MM looks like she was going to devour them both. happy birthday! the first is a chocolate mousse and the second is a strawberry cheesecake. the third carrot cake was canceled for fear of our belly buttons popping inside out. now, lets see what happens when 3 lit students intoxicated on food and beverages do when they are presented with CAKE.

THE TRAGEDY OF THE MOOR OF VENICE, OTHELLO

act 1, scene 1

Ohello, the moor, and sweet young virgin Dedemona (the colour of white and pink represents her innocence), touched for the very first time (that's from madonna, a couple of hudred years out of context, but whatever.) They meet and fall in love, Desdemona reveling in Othello's tales of bravery through the fish & co. baking oven/war. Desdemona dreams of leaving her way too cheesy(cliche'd) life with Brabantio, her father (the new york cheesecake??).

act 1 scene 2

Aaaah, the sweet young Desdemona and Othello elope and marry behind Brabantio's back. They do "it" (by 'it' i mean sex for the characters) after she follows him to Cyprus, where the war is going on(Cyprus is my mouth and the war is the salivary tempest in my mouth.) Otello sort of gets on top of Desdemona."an old black ram is tupping your white ewe".

fast forward : final scene of final act

Othello kills Desdemona while she lies dormant, awaiting her chocolate man to return to her side. HOWEVER, our tragedy has a MUCH better ending, one that Shakespeare couldn't even dream of. don't worry its a happy happy one. Othello and Desdemona live happily ever after in the afterlife (in our bellies) where they finally become one. Othello continues tupping Desdemona even when they reach the sewer systems. the then get trapped in the partially permeable membrane while getting assimilated to become newater. then they become lanfill trash etc etc etc. you get it la, its a happy ending...for all of us.

MM and i feeding each other Othello while looking lovingly into each others eyes. i dare say we'll reach a better end then them. i swear she's in love with me. she's never denied it. you can totally ask her!! her affirmation will only deepen the meaning behind the look she's giving me right there...

obviously Desdemona went to good use when you see MM this happy. she'd practically eat the fork.

truly im not one to talk either, the pure look of ecstasy says it all. it was a bloody fun outing and birthday lunch with beta and miss milkshake (the birthday girl). i can only hope it will last me until after promos and pw oral presentation.

like i said before, im high on crack and cake. it may be a weirder than usual blog post, but whatever. i blame it all on Othello and Desdemona. once again, to wrap up: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MM! may your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard for you're damn right they're better than mine.

Ps: i was going to post some really hilarious videos' (self-made ones, so you know they're awesome especially if they're from yours truly...) for you cyber creepers, but blogger's PMSing. well, all you can do now is admire the blogging dedication i have to post up SOOOOOOOO many pictures. it may be the last ounce of fun i have in the next 5 weeks so i wanted to properly document it. lament: OOOOH the everlasting woes of a JC student... have a good weekend of productive studying, internet predators!

black hole

lately many people have been taking advantage of my nonchalance at racism, particularly towards indians. hey bastards, you're supposed to make fun of them WITH me, not AT me. dumbass. had photog today, fun. maybe pissed president off with too much of my tom foolery. eh heh heh heh. sorry darling... it was a pretty relaxed session. glad that i went eventually.

it was quite informative: found out that allan and i were involved in a scandal. that's the first ive heard of it. it was a dang dang dang DANG moment. i admit that i get along with him unusually well, but that's only attributed to the fact that he's so fun to talk to and make jokes with. he totally enables my quirkiness, which is always a good thing. at the end of the day, he's just my brother from another mother. plus, we're diverting from the real scandal. heh heh heh. just had to bring it up dude, sorry.











glad you got through them all, assuming you enjoyed it, go check out the rest on youtube. dream a little dream of me.

tongue-tied

my my im blogging way too often. a post on thursday and today...hmm. these few days is just a stream of events. point form!

-last saturday was open house
-finally got a doggy
-today was national day celebrations for tomorrow
-tomorrow is study session with TJC homies
-monday is service learning

don't you just love point form? here's another thing you guys love...me...okay fine...pictures-.-'''

SAJC's mascot's butt crack...i guess they didn't have his size...

mm beta and i. after multiple attempts, we have selfy number 18830847446r526.

nadia helped us take this picture, it was on the train. that's nadia's china studies in english classmates. there are 2 non-chinese people taking it. no comments (that'll get me in trouble).

beta's face being squeezed by mm's giant hand, betamon looks like she's enjoying it...ladies ass was in the way though.

me, the orange lighting at superdog(vivo) and i. mm looks good with the eye make up from the "fashion show" during national day celebrations. i look like im going to eat her with my fangs.

the stalker smile. mm's shot.

me: extra. being my usual creepy self. daryl: ejaculating. and having trouble with it.

urgh...what was i thinking. i look like her cheesy indian boyfriend. completely tasteless.

colour swatch: lightest to darkest. i add doom and gloom to the picture. yay underexposed me.

national day model. mm's supposed to be some anime thingy. complete with knee high socks. 2nd prize. Desiree kow towing to her...for obvious reasons.

mm, beta and i. selfy number 98347843876487365873. in the train station. where everybody could see us... and act only youth will permit. deep enough for you?

olympus nathan aka. ollie:D ollie's an Australian silky terrier.

ollie's 5 months old and uber cute. he's also smarter than my sister. he learnt how to sit within the course of 2 days which is more than i can say for her. of course this was all under my tutelage. ollie only looks like an innocent puppy but he's really monstrous wolf within. be afraid chee koh pehs...be very afraid...

okay that's the end of today's picture post. you can continue on miss milkshakes blog if you like. posting up pictures is no fun for me at all. it takes so bloody fucking long.