ive been doing what's been known as "lounging". in other words, ive been sitting on my arse and doing nothing. my neighbourhood's under some sort of government plot to waste valuable tax money. so there's a ton of construction workers prowling about the hood. can't really sleep past 10 since they start work really early.
as we all know june is the month that the great singapore sale takes place. its also the month i emerged from my mother's womb. when those to things coincide, it spells bad news for me. for those of you who are familiar with my stand on shopping this doesn't come as a shock to you, but for those of you who don't, let me make my stand clear. i would rather eat cat brains out of my toilet bowl than step into one of those money sucking, economy funding malls that's so fucking packed my boobs get flattened. i don't get the whole hullabaloo that the female population(-1) go into when shopping is mentioned. why would anyone WANT to see their savings deplete before their eyes on stuff they don't need? its also the annoying sales person who follows you around pressuring you to buy something. maybe it because they think you're going to steal something but nonetheless, the hovering is annoying. anyway tomorrow, being the second saturday of the holidays, would be spent out with the mother and sister shopping (or rather moping in my case). maybe i'll con my mother into letting me stay at home...hmm...feel free to give suggestions fuckers...anytime now...
today i bring you 5 items that i have noticed floating around places that those demon young-uns hang around at. its all the rage now, really. im quite aware that im not the most reliable of sources on these sort of things but i assure you these are the latest bimbotic fads going around. and girls don't get upset now, the guys have risen to the occasion as well. they've taken to the "new age metrosexual" look really well. so here are the five items i have every intention of giving my thoughts on. feel free to take offense for my blog exists for no other purpose. so drum roll please...
#1
birkenstock slippers/sandals: i can personally vouch for how comfy these slippers are. well i suppose they have to be for how much we have to pay to lay our hands on one of these. apparently they get shaped to suit your foot. marvelous until every single moron on planet earth gets a pair. their evident growing popularity have spawned cheaper imitations that provide you with as much comfort at a more reasonable price. alternatives and substitutes have set mr. birkenstock on a frenzy to make his goods unique or one of a kind. voila! colours and multiple designs with prints and such. this has set the singaporean consumer market to demand more for their precious feets (if you can't already tell, im being sarcastic)! the race against imitation goods has begun! who shall emerge victor in the race to provide comfort for our feets! if this hasn't caught you attention already, i should tell you ive seen many old ladies who have ascended to a considerable age adorning these slippers and trekking the transport systems. beware youths! alas, i remember a time when a $10 Bata pair of slippers would have sufficed for our ever growing insatiable needs and greeds. have we grown to forget those much simpler times.
#2
these are what you call crocs. now don't worry, just because they're called crocs does not mean that they only come in green. they come in multiple colours for those of you concerned about whether they would clash against your skin tones. apparently, they must have stolen the foot molding techniques from mr. birkenstock, for it seems these too can somehow manage to shape itself to suit your foot shape. they say its rubber but i'd be careful. it just might be that such (bio)technology may have spurned from our reptilian friends, the lizard (hence, the name). the holes are for your feet to respire (very thoughtful, no?) and mostly the male population wears them. the female population wears them too but not too often. i think its because it would class with the rest of their ensemble. skinny jeans paired with crocs? perish the thought scum, methinks not! lets face it guys, why they even became a fashion statement is besides me. i mean, just look at them. they're hideous. the bright and ostentatious colours do nothing to help their cause. if we all try, we can stop this monstrosity immediately [bloomers can wait a while (reference to she's in fashion)].
#3
shorts: for some reason, the fad of going out in shorts to posh restaurants and scavenging town in these has really spread like wild fire. i get the singapore's so hot argument (my counter srgument on skinny jeans) but honestly when you little tits watch movies in these and then complain that its too cold, it really makes my laugh arse off. its not just one or two losers out there who where these shorts to vivo, its every single being with tits without wits. everyone just starts to look the same to me. and lets not kid ourselves that they're comfy alright? they're not. they look particularly stupid with belts. those of you who foolishly think that its a "hawt" combination: don't! stop right there and think. doesn't it look stupid to keep your already skin tight shorts that clings to your bum bum like...well...skin up with belts? the reason belts exist is to keep you pants up if you didn't have enough sense to buy the correct size or are too poor to buy new ones and have to make do with hand-me-downs. there's nothing wrong with that. when you abuse the use of a belt, its going to come back and bite you in the ass by making you look really moronic. those of you who own shorts and have paired them with belts, please take this opportunity to slap yourselves. thank you.
#4
skinny jeans: if there was ever a bad fashion statement revived from the disco era, the 80s, it would be these skinny jeans. recapitulation: they're named SKINNY jeans for one reason and one reason only. they're only meant to be worn by skinny people. surprised morons? well close that agape moth and realise the biasness that these pants have brought into the fashion world. you brought them back, you abide by the rules. when chunky asses think they can pull of skinny jeans (or even fit into them), its really like acid being injected into my pupils. i personally do not like to see lard bottoms being squeezed into tiny spaces. a crime on every count! come now, lets face the truth shall we? fat bottoms do not go well with skinny jeans. another problem i have with these demonic apparels would be the fact that they now come in colours. yes, colours. but stop right there. before you think of going out there to buy yourself some and making a collection out of them, here me out. while i have no problem with the staple black of dark blue, i can't bare to see people walking down the streets with bright colored pants. urgh...memories from the 80s mtv era. it was a time that we left behind for a reason, a very good one i must say. trust me, there is absolutely no way you can match rainbow pants here with anything. if you already own them please burn them and never think about them ever again. mtv has done more harm than good to today's youths, hasn't it? girls wearing skinny jeans is one thing, but men too?! now every tom dick and happy thinks wearing skinny jeans makes them automatic overnight rock stars. a menace that mtv must pay for for forcing it down our throats, in my opinion. now, everyone to thinks that they can be my alex turner, damn it! let me try reasoning this out: guys, seeing the shapes of your "lovely" thighs and rotund bottoms have really deflowered my virgin eyes and im not too pleased with this. so please stop! alas, my pleas will not work. the working of young wayward teenagers is not my place to change. we must take cover until this phase passes. join me for it is our only hopes for survival.
#5
tote bags: frankly i have no idea why this is even on here. it makes girls look like aunties and guys (trust me those idiots have taken the equality thing WAY too far) look like the genitals have a tough time getting up. a brief description would include a short handle and large carrying space. don't give me the "but its so practical!" bullshit. i ain't buying none of that fucking nonsense. these "aunty" bags, if you may, come in many designs though i don't know why. its as if they think it will help their cause. aunty bags are carried by aunties like they're supposed to. they're no a fashion statement unless you're an aunty. and yet girls between 12-25 have taken to carrying these bags. i wouldn't have a problem with this but doesn't it get on your nerves that every single girl (and even some boys) have one. its sucks the uniqueness out of it and nothing that stupid should be such a common phenomenon. if one person owns a tote bag, you can shrug it of. if everyone has one, there's really a problem with people's tastes and judgment. how can EVERYONE be so stupid? it looks stupid. the opening is at your arm pit for crying out loud! when you want to get something from your bag, guess where your hand has to go? never thought about that did you?! aha! i hope now you know how stupid it is to look like you're scratching your pits whenever you need you lip gloss or wallet.
that's the end of a very long rant of a post. just thought you might like to know the logic (or rather the lack thereof) behind the things you mad fucks do thinking its really cool. i hope you reflect on you tom foolery and turn over a new leaf. change your simpleton ways and live for peace and freedom. no need to look moronic because everyone else looks moronic yeah...for those of you mother fuckers out there who were extremely offended by this post, i don't give a fuck what you think because i was doing you a FAVOUR. get those 5 items out of your closet and give them to charity or something.
as we all know june is the month that the great singapore sale takes place. its also the month i emerged from my mother's womb. when those to things coincide, it spells bad news for me. for those of you who are familiar with my stand on shopping this doesn't come as a shock to you, but for those of you who don't, let me make my stand clear. i would rather eat cat brains out of my toilet bowl than step into one of those money sucking, economy funding malls that's so fucking packed my boobs get flattened. i don't get the whole hullabaloo that the female population(-1) go into when shopping is mentioned. why would anyone WANT to see their savings deplete before their eyes on stuff they don't need? its also the annoying sales person who follows you around pressuring you to buy something. maybe it because they think you're going to steal something but nonetheless, the hovering is annoying. anyway tomorrow, being the second saturday of the holidays, would be spent out with the mother and sister shopping (or rather moping in my case). maybe i'll con my mother into letting me stay at home...hmm...feel free to give suggestions fuckers...anytime now...
today i bring you 5 items that i have noticed floating around places that those demon young-uns hang around at. its all the rage now, really. im quite aware that im not the most reliable of sources on these sort of things but i assure you these are the latest bimbotic fads going around. and girls don't get upset now, the guys have risen to the occasion as well. they've taken to the "new age metrosexual" look really well. so here are the five items i have every intention of giving my thoughts on. feel free to take offense for my blog exists for no other purpose. so drum roll please...
#1
birkenstock slippers/sandals: i can personally vouch for how comfy these slippers are. well i suppose they have to be for how much we have to pay to lay our hands on one of these. apparently they get shaped to suit your foot. marvelous until every single moron on planet earth gets a pair. their evident growing popularity have spawned cheaper imitations that provide you with as much comfort at a more reasonable price. alternatives and substitutes have set mr. birkenstock on a frenzy to make his goods unique or one of a kind. voila! colours and multiple designs with prints and such. this has set the singaporean consumer market to demand more for their precious feets (if you can't already tell, im being sarcastic)! the race against imitation goods has begun! who shall emerge victor in the race to provide comfort for our feets! if this hasn't caught you attention already, i should tell you ive seen many old ladies who have ascended to a considerable age adorning these slippers and trekking the transport systems. beware youths! alas, i remember a time when a $10 Bata pair of slippers would have sufficed for our ever growing insatiable needs and greeds. have we grown to forget those much simpler times.#2
these are what you call crocs. now don't worry, just because they're called crocs does not mean that they only come in green. they come in multiple colours for those of you concerned about whether they would clash against your skin tones. apparently, they must have stolen the foot molding techniques from mr. birkenstock, for it seems these too can somehow manage to shape itself to suit your foot shape. they say its rubber but i'd be careful. it just might be that such (bio)technology may have spurned from our reptilian friends, the lizard (hence, the name). the holes are for your feet to respire (very thoughtful, no?) and mostly the male population wears them. the female population wears them too but not too often. i think its because it would class with the rest of their ensemble. skinny jeans paired with crocs? perish the thought scum, methinks not! lets face it guys, why they even became a fashion statement is besides me. i mean, just look at them. they're hideous. the bright and ostentatious colours do nothing to help their cause. if we all try, we can stop this monstrosity immediately [bloomers can wait a while (reference to she's in fashion)].#3
shorts: for some reason, the fad of going out in shorts to posh restaurants and scavenging town in these has really spread like wild fire. i get the singapore's so hot argument (my counter srgument on skinny jeans) but honestly when you little tits watch movies in these and then complain that its too cold, it really makes my laugh arse off. its not just one or two losers out there who where these shorts to vivo, its every single being with tits without wits. everyone just starts to look the same to me. and lets not kid ourselves that they're comfy alright? they're not. they look particularly stupid with belts. those of you who foolishly think that its a "hawt" combination: don't! stop right there and think. doesn't it look stupid to keep your already skin tight shorts that clings to your bum bum like...well...skin up with belts? the reason belts exist is to keep you pants up if you didn't have enough sense to buy the correct size or are too poor to buy new ones and have to make do with hand-me-downs. there's nothing wrong with that. when you abuse the use of a belt, its going to come back and bite you in the ass by making you look really moronic. those of you who own shorts and have paired them with belts, please take this opportunity to slap yourselves. thank you.
#4
skinny jeans: if there was ever a bad fashion statement revived from the disco era, the 80s, it would be these skinny jeans. recapitulation: they're named SKINNY jeans for one reason and one reason only. they're only meant to be worn by skinny people. surprised morons? well close that agape moth and realise the biasness that these pants have brought into the fashion world. you brought them back, you abide by the rules. when chunky asses think they can pull of skinny jeans (or even fit into them), its really like acid being injected into my pupils. i personally do not like to see lard bottoms being squeezed into tiny spaces. a crime on every count! come now, lets face the truth shall we? fat bottoms do not go well with skinny jeans. another problem i have with these demonic apparels would be the fact that they now come in colours. yes, colours. but stop right there. before you think of going out there to buy yourself some and making a collection out of them, here me out. while i have no problem with the staple black of dark blue, i can't bare to see people walking down the streets with bright colored pants. urgh...memories from the 80s mtv era. it was a time that we left behind for a reason, a very good one i must say. trust me, there is absolutely no way you can match rainbow pants here with anything. if you already own them please burn them and never think about them ever again. mtv has done more harm than good to today's youths, hasn't it? girls wearing skinny jeans is one thing, but men too?! now every tom dick and happy thinks wearing skinny jeans makes them automatic overnight rock stars. a menace that mtv must pay for for forcing it down our throats, in my opinion. now, everyone to thinks that they can be my alex turner, damn it! let me try reasoning this out: guys, seeing the shapes of your "lovely" thighs and rotund bottoms have really deflowered my virgin eyes and im not too pleased with this. so please stop! alas, my pleas will not work. the working of young wayward teenagers is not my place to change. we must take cover until this phase passes. join me for it is our only hopes for survival.
#5
tote bags: frankly i have no idea why this is even on here. it makes girls look like aunties and guys (trust me those idiots have taken the equality thing WAY too far) look like the genitals have a tough time getting up. a brief description would include a short handle and large carrying space. don't give me the "but its so practical!" bullshit. i ain't buying none of that fucking nonsense. these "aunty" bags, if you may, come in many designs though i don't know why. its as if they think it will help their cause. aunty bags are carried by aunties like they're supposed to. they're no a fashion statement unless you're an aunty. and yet girls between 12-25 have taken to carrying these bags. i wouldn't have a problem with this but doesn't it get on your nerves that every single girl (and even some boys) have one. its sucks the uniqueness out of it and nothing that stupid should be such a common phenomenon. if one person owns a tote bag, you can shrug it of. if everyone has one, there's really a problem with people's tastes and judgment. how can EVERYONE be so stupid? it looks stupid. the opening is at your arm pit for crying out loud! when you want to get something from your bag, guess where your hand has to go? never thought about that did you?! aha! i hope now you know how stupid it is to look like you're scratching your pits whenever you need you lip gloss or wallet.that's the end of a very long rant of a post. just thought you might like to know the logic (or rather the lack thereof) behind the things you mad fucks do thinking its really cool. i hope you reflect on you tom foolery and turn over a new leaf. change your simpleton ways and live for peace and freedom. no need to look moronic because everyone else looks moronic yeah...for those of you mother fuckers out there who were extremely offended by this post, i don't give a fuck what you think because i was doing you a FAVOUR. get those 5 items out of your closet and give them to charity or something.
