hello
(warning may contain offensive material to some)
i love uneventful days...aaah. my fridays are usually like that. today we had chapel and not one of those stupid popularity contests to get into whatever shit council. i never thought i'd see the day where i actually would have picked chapel over something else(anything else for that matter). but that said, today's chapel was quite alright. my ct and s26 ct led the karaoke songs for the first time. they weren't too bad if not for the fact that it was fucking boring. stand up, be respectful, strain eye muscles to prevent the reflex action of rolling your eyes. the usual stuff. today was extra special because we had this dried up old dude come in. he was one of those orientals with a wierd hybrid of aussie and chinese accent. for some reason he thought it'd be a good idea to tell his barber that he wanted to look like the asian ringo starr. bad idea fucker. his singing wasn't as good as my man, ringo, but it was passable. whipped out his instrument(heh heh heh) and started strumming it and crooning some "praise the lord" song. and i clapped...but just a little. after the git stopped being entertaining. imagine a lao ah pek singing a pop song. that's how my morning kicked of. give me crack pipe any day. (i think you guys would probably realise that i'm nocturnal by now). i suppose thats how you get the young guns interested in worship and all that......stuff. today's chapel was extra long but it wasn't as bad as my very first experience. it was enough to make anyone turn atheist just to prove a point. well, to me at least.
my first experience (of chapel, mind you fucking dick suckers) was really quite a nightmare. being the fun-loving, all-accepting jc1 that i am(hooray), i was looking forward to wondrous first chapel session of my long stay in SA. the pastor came with power point slides(yes guys, religion has completely taken over technology). the slide show was entitled "hair". okay...seemingly harmless. notice i said seemingly. he went on to give us fun-filled facts about hair. made jokes about his lack of it. it was all quite amusing. i began to relax. you have millions of hair follicles on your head. yes, i have millions of hair follicles on my head. there are about an estimated 1800 hairstyles all over the world. oh, there are about an estimated 1800 hairstyles all over the world. each follicle can produce 2-3 stands throughout its life time. wow, each follicle can produce 2-3 stands throughout its life time. the lord jesus knows exactly how many strands of hair you have on your head. incredible, the lord jesus knows exactly how many...waaaaaaaait a minute...jesus knows what??!! er...okay. almost had me there for a sec. good one. kudos. i suppose, that's soft propaganda for you right there. after that you can imagine it just went downhill.
i must say i was quite traumatised after that incident. stayed the hell away from anyone rumoured to own a bible or a vedas for that matter. that didn't last long though. all my best pals are all church-going christians. trust me...if anyone notices the irony, its me. but let me tell you its not always fun and games once you've befriended them. the thing about christians is that they're a very modern religion. i know 2008 years seem like really long but taoism came about 30 or 40 years before christ and hinduism goes back way before the concept of documentation ever came about. so yes, they're a very modern and new religion and they are one of the fastest growing ones around as well. caught on like wild fire after britain did their we-know-better-than-poverty-ridden-asia-thing. hence, it can be concluded that they know how to keep up with the modern man and how to keep youths coming back for more. activities ranging from cells group to bible studies, they have them all. my point is, my pals are all involved with church activities (it isn't just sundays where i have nothing to do anymore). so when i try to be a supportive friend (on rare occasions), it gets uncomfortable sometimes. i mean, the singing and praying, im somewhat prepared for. i do have years of experience (over those born again christians) from a somewhat traumatic childhood. unlike some of you christians out there who are still only halfway through the bible, i've actually read the whole book before i believe/disbelieve everything it says. i've also gone for church services so im not a complete idiot about what im talking about. (and no shit heads, i didn't melt from the jesus rays, the test was failed...muahahahaha) here's what ive learnt from church: there comes a point when you have to meet "the others". what really scared me off and sets me of on a radical stream of emotions is the attempt at blatant conversions and the long minutes of hand holding. (its also the constant pressure of trying to keep lewd thoughts out of my head in case someone hears them. that's never good. you ultimately end up having them anyway. oh dear...the irony)
strange looking growth stunted lady(SLGSL): so...are you christian?(still holding my hand)
me: no (i avoid saying not really, theres a vagueness to it that sounds like you're there for a reason other than to support a friend)
SLGSL: but you're a free thinker...?
me: yes (shit, i lied in a church...im going to hell for sure...i ain't no free thinker)
SLGSL: are you looking to join our church? (WTF i just said free thinker!!! that's a non-obligatory answer! you're not supposed to probe any further SLGSL)
my brain dead thought process: would "not in a million years" be too frank? would "maybe" earn me another session of hand holding?
i finally decide on the simple "no". she looks disinterested, lets go of my hand (finally! it was getting kinda sticky) and turns to my friend and repeats the process only to get far more suitable and fruitful replies. she's christian of course. relieved, i take my leave only to discover i have another session of "friend supporting" to go to a few days later. but this time, im prepared. its a school concert. the lights will be out. what better way to camouflage a huge indian arse than to wear black? effective right? WRONG. see, these people have plotted and planned this for months. did i really not expect any servants of jesus to comb the place for people like me and hunt me down? "raise your hands if you're willing to accept the lord jesus christ into your heart" *slumps deeper into seat, arms firmly folded* "step forward if you're willing to say..."*lies flat on ground attempting to crawl my way out, army style* shit! one saw me...alright alright i'll stand...stop giving me the evil eye okay?? he leaves me be only to have him come back later with survey forms and complementary pencils...greeeaaat! what better way to end of a jesus worship session that with feedback forms and surveys? there wasn't really an option which said "here to support friend only" so my solution was to give them what they want and fill my friends particulars up. i don't want any jesus-lover calling my handphone saying "do you want to know jesus christ, my friend?" to which i SHOULD respond: "no fucking way am i giving up karma for this shit" its happened before, who's to say it won't happen again?
after all that turmoil, i finally got to see my friend in person (highlight of the event). she was really adorable. very spritely. i've got to say, the event was entertaining on a whole and it was one of those rare occasions that i got to see my very good friends. but i think i'll just stick to my hindu principles and atheist beliefs for now. im honestly quite grateful that most of my friends don't peddle religion like a insurance salesman (guaranteeing me a spot in heaven for eternity) on me as i've known some others to do so. i've come to realise, over the years, that those who want to share their religion with me, very rarely want me to share mine. trust someone who has had a lot of experience on this matter, it only invites trouble and earns you the losing end of an argument(which we all hate).
i thought that since i was discussing something holy, i better try editing my not so holy language. it seems alright now.
(warning may contain offensive material to some)
i love uneventful days...aaah. my fridays are usually like that. today we had chapel and not one of those stupid popularity contests to get into whatever shit council. i never thought i'd see the day where i actually would have picked chapel over something else(anything else for that matter). but that said, today's chapel was quite alright. my ct and s26 ct led the karaoke songs for the first time. they weren't too bad if not for the fact that it was fucking boring. stand up, be respectful, strain eye muscles to prevent the reflex action of rolling your eyes. the usual stuff. today was extra special because we had this dried up old dude come in. he was one of those orientals with a wierd hybrid of aussie and chinese accent. for some reason he thought it'd be a good idea to tell his barber that he wanted to look like the asian ringo starr. bad idea fucker. his singing wasn't as good as my man, ringo, but it was passable. whipped out his instrument(heh heh heh) and started strumming it and crooning some "praise the lord" song. and i clapped...but just a little. after the git stopped being entertaining. imagine a lao ah pek singing a pop song. that's how my morning kicked of. give me crack pipe any day. (i think you guys would probably realise that i'm nocturnal by now). i suppose thats how you get the young guns interested in worship and all that......stuff. today's chapel was extra long but it wasn't as bad as my very first experience. it was enough to make anyone turn atheist just to prove a point. well, to me at least.
my first experience (of chapel, mind you fucking dick suckers) was really quite a nightmare. being the fun-loving, all-accepting jc1 that i am(hooray), i was looking forward to wondrous first chapel session of my long stay in SA. the pastor came with power point slides(yes guys, religion has completely taken over technology). the slide show was entitled "hair". okay...seemingly harmless. notice i said seemingly. he went on to give us fun-filled facts about hair. made jokes about his lack of it. it was all quite amusing. i began to relax. you have millions of hair follicles on your head. yes, i have millions of hair follicles on my head. there are about an estimated 1800 hairstyles all over the world. oh, there are about an estimated 1800 hairstyles all over the world. each follicle can produce 2-3 stands throughout its life time. wow, each follicle can produce 2-3 stands throughout its life time. the lord jesus knows exactly how many strands of hair you have on your head. incredible, the lord jesus knows exactly how many...waaaaaaaait a minute...jesus knows what??!! er...okay. almost had me there for a sec. good one. kudos. i suppose, that's soft propaganda for you right there. after that you can imagine it just went downhill.
i must say i was quite traumatised after that incident. stayed the hell away from anyone rumoured to own a bible or a vedas for that matter. that didn't last long though. all my best pals are all church-going christians. trust me...if anyone notices the irony, its me. but let me tell you its not always fun and games once you've befriended them. the thing about christians is that they're a very modern religion. i know 2008 years seem like really long but taoism came about 30 or 40 years before christ and hinduism goes back way before the concept of documentation ever came about. so yes, they're a very modern and new religion and they are one of the fastest growing ones around as well. caught on like wild fire after britain did their we-know-better-than-poverty-ridden-asia-thing. hence, it can be concluded that they know how to keep up with the modern man and how to keep youths coming back for more. activities ranging from cells group to bible studies, they have them all. my point is, my pals are all involved with church activities (it isn't just sundays where i have nothing to do anymore). so when i try to be a supportive friend (on rare occasions), it gets uncomfortable sometimes. i mean, the singing and praying, im somewhat prepared for. i do have years of experience (over those born again christians) from a somewhat traumatic childhood. unlike some of you christians out there who are still only halfway through the bible, i've actually read the whole book before i believe/disbelieve everything it says. i've also gone for church services so im not a complete idiot about what im talking about. (and no shit heads, i didn't melt from the jesus rays, the test was failed...muahahahaha) here's what ive learnt from church: there comes a point when you have to meet "the others". what really scared me off and sets me of on a radical stream of emotions is the attempt at blatant conversions and the long minutes of hand holding. (its also the constant pressure of trying to keep lewd thoughts out of my head in case someone hears them. that's never good. you ultimately end up having them anyway. oh dear...the irony)
strange looking growth stunted lady(SLGSL): so...are you christian?(still holding my hand)
me: no (i avoid saying not really, theres a vagueness to it that sounds like you're there for a reason other than to support a friend)
SLGSL: but you're a free thinker...?
me: yes (shit, i lied in a church...im going to hell for sure...i ain't no free thinker)
SLGSL: are you looking to join our church? (WTF i just said free thinker!!! that's a non-obligatory answer! you're not supposed to probe any further SLGSL)
my brain dead thought process: would "not in a million years" be too frank? would "maybe" earn me another session of hand holding?
i finally decide on the simple "no". she looks disinterested, lets go of my hand (finally! it was getting kinda sticky) and turns to my friend and repeats the process only to get far more suitable and fruitful replies. she's christian of course. relieved, i take my leave only to discover i have another session of "friend supporting" to go to a few days later. but this time, im prepared. its a school concert. the lights will be out. what better way to camouflage a huge indian arse than to wear black? effective right? WRONG. see, these people have plotted and planned this for months. did i really not expect any servants of jesus to comb the place for people like me and hunt me down? "raise your hands if you're willing to accept the lord jesus christ into your heart" *slumps deeper into seat, arms firmly folded* "step forward if you're willing to say..."*lies flat on ground attempting to crawl my way out, army style* shit! one saw me...alright alright i'll stand...stop giving me the evil eye okay?? he leaves me be only to have him come back later with survey forms and complementary pencils...greeeaaat! what better way to end of a jesus worship session that with feedback forms and surveys? there wasn't really an option which said "here to support friend only" so my solution was to give them what they want and fill my friends particulars up. i don't want any jesus-lover calling my handphone saying "do you want to know jesus christ, my friend?" to which i SHOULD respond: "no fucking way am i giving up karma for this shit" its happened before, who's to say it won't happen again?
after all that turmoil, i finally got to see my friend in person (highlight of the event). she was really adorable. very spritely. i've got to say, the event was entertaining on a whole and it was one of those rare occasions that i got to see my very good friends. but i think i'll just stick to my hindu principles and atheist beliefs for now. im honestly quite grateful that most of my friends don't peddle religion like a insurance salesman (guaranteeing me a spot in heaven for eternity) on me as i've known some others to do so. i've come to realise, over the years, that those who want to share their religion with me, very rarely want me to share mine. trust someone who has had a lot of experience on this matter, it only invites trouble and earns you the losing end of an argument(which we all hate).
i thought that since i was discussing something holy, i better try editing my not so holy language. it seems alright now.
