hellohello
today's post is only for those who want to know about every single detail of my life. so im going to practice self-censorship.
im weak and floppy today. i shouldn't move around so much. apparently im sick with something. don't know la. last night i was reading a wikipedia page on the bible and my body hurt. it was literally throbbing around the mid region. i shifted myself, contorted my body and sat in a fetal position. nothing worked. the most excruciating pain i ever felt. i do not want to ever feel it ever again (childbirth being definitely out). and no fucktards, IT WASN'T menstrual cramps. i didn't know what was happening or what to do. first time mah. so i went to the toilet and sat on the bowl and had a shit. normally that's a foolproof cure for most of my ailments. tee hee. however this time i was still in pain.
i sat there on the bowl for a long time hoping for relief before feeling like i needed to puke. i cleared the bowl to use it for vomitting but the thought of putting my head at something i just shitted in irked me(yes, i still have a wee bit of disgust left in me). i went to my newly refurbished and shiny sink, apologised to it and let out 7 purges. the last 2 were forced. i mean now was the time to detox right? im not going to describe the colour of the puke lest you find the need to puke yourself (my descriptive skills are remarkable). so i stood there looking at the pool (really. ollie could go for a swim in it. i shit you not.) of vomit and opened the tap to clear it. the pool increased in volume. i was staring at my own vomit trying to fathom why my vomit was not clearing itself up, why is it not being sucked into a vortex otherwise known as the sewer systems.
amidst all the nausea and sickness, i failed to acknowledge the plug thingy that would slow down the water from flowing out. oh you know, that plug thingy. the one where you can close and open via a stick like contraption at the back of the tap. yeah that one. it was still there preventing the chunks of dinner from passing into the gates of hell. i had 3 options.
1) call my maid up at 2 am in the morning to clear up my vomit (however she wants to, i'd suggest a nuclear bomb)
2) wait until morning before calling my maid to '' '' '' '' , but in doing so i would have to take the chance that my puke is going to sit there like a good little girl without stinking up the house.
3) deal with it myself by sticking my hand into my own puke and taking the stopper thingy out.
you have no fucking clue about how the slimy chunks that clung onto my hand and about the bits that i had to sift through to get to the plug. i purged one last time thereafter summing the night up to have a grand total of 8 purges. when i woke up this morning, the pain started up again. this time i new better. i rubbed some all-purpose miracle Axe oil on my tummy. wham bam alakazam. poof! it went away almost immediately. unfortunately im still shit scared to move or eat for the rest of the day. i'll be detoxing for the day i suppose. only water for me.
though my discomfort was relieved to a certain degree, the pain i felt still lingered amongst my innards through the night. and the memory of what i was forced to do that night would still linger on in my darkest nightmares.
today's post is only for those who want to know about every single detail of my life. so im going to practice self-censorship.
im weak and floppy today. i shouldn't move around so much. apparently im sick with something. don't know la. last night i was reading a wikipedia page on the bible and my body hurt. it was literally throbbing around the mid region. i shifted myself, contorted my body and sat in a fetal position. nothing worked. the most excruciating pain i ever felt. i do not want to ever feel it ever again (childbirth being definitely out). and no fucktards, IT WASN'T menstrual cramps. i didn't know what was happening or what to do. first time mah. so i went to the toilet and sat on the bowl and had a shit. normally that's a foolproof cure for most of my ailments. tee hee. however this time i was still in pain.
i sat there on the bowl for a long time hoping for relief before feeling like i needed to puke. i cleared the bowl to use it for vomitting but the thought of putting my head at something i just shitted in irked me(yes, i still have a wee bit of disgust left in me). i went to my newly refurbished and shiny sink, apologised to it and let out 7 purges. the last 2 were forced. i mean now was the time to detox right? im not going to describe the colour of the puke lest you find the need to puke yourself (my descriptive skills are remarkable). so i stood there looking at the pool (really. ollie could go for a swim in it. i shit you not.) of vomit and opened the tap to clear it. the pool increased in volume. i was staring at my own vomit trying to fathom why my vomit was not clearing itself up, why is it not being sucked into a vortex otherwise known as the sewer systems.
amidst all the nausea and sickness, i failed to acknowledge the plug thingy that would slow down the water from flowing out. oh you know, that plug thingy. the one where you can close and open via a stick like contraption at the back of the tap. yeah that one. it was still there preventing the chunks of dinner from passing into the gates of hell. i had 3 options.
1) call my maid up at 2 am in the morning to clear up my vomit (however she wants to, i'd suggest a nuclear bomb)
2) wait until morning before calling my maid to '' '' '' '' , but in doing so i would have to take the chance that my puke is going to sit there like a good little girl without stinking up the house.
3) deal with it myself by sticking my hand into my own puke and taking the stopper thingy out.
you have no fucking clue about how the slimy chunks that clung onto my hand and about the bits that i had to sift through to get to the plug. i purged one last time thereafter summing the night up to have a grand total of 8 purges. when i woke up this morning, the pain started up again. this time i new better. i rubbed some all-purpose miracle Axe oil on my tummy. wham bam alakazam. poof! it went away almost immediately. unfortunately im still shit scared to move or eat for the rest of the day. i'll be detoxing for the day i suppose. only water for me.
though my discomfort was relieved to a certain degree, the pain i felt still lingered amongst my innards through the night. and the memory of what i was forced to do that night would still linger on in my darkest nightmares.
