hey
if you worship jesus and shit don't read hor. know what's good for you la. okay, be good..redirect yourself from where you came from. who's a good christian? that's right...you're a good christian...yes you are...yes you are...
for those of you who don't go to my school, i'll make it my duty to enlighten you to the ways of hell (in the skin of heaven). regulars will know that friday is chapel day, but what you don't know is the extra conversion schemes waiting for you EVERYDAY. every morning SAJC invites "saints" in a "come one come all" fashion to "morning worship". ah, are those some hysterical snorts i here? "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??" right? right? i heard it right? well, my friend, my well-refined snooping skills have allowed me to peer into lecture theatres (where these sessions take place at dawn...alright so its 7am, go with the flow, will you?!) through what i call "the windows to hell". and let me tell you fellows, it is not at all pretty: i see dizzy addicts [well of course silly, they're addicted to the love of god <3(isn't it creepy to see me use this symbol)], people in a trance singing charms, people collapsing while reciting voodoo poems, people crying and convulsing. oh! its hell on earth i tellya! what mangled scurvy dog do i call upon to set down such foolery and tricks? quick trip to Elizabethan times, sorry... i shit you not fuckers, its the creepiest cult-like setting the world has ever seen. stalin's own little slumber party can take a back seat. L. Ron, you've met your match. *drum roll please* the christians are here! i am purely entertained each morning i get to witness this. i was disappointed in one aspect of the cult worship though: the only thing missing was standing around a smoking pot of weed.
it may irk some of you to know that i actually attend my lectures in those rooms, though nobody seems to care enough for my well-being. im secretly planing to infiltrate these sessions in the morning with my handy spycam in the guise of someone looking for christian answers to a very hindhu dilemma, reincarnation. WHO'S WITH ME?! on the other hand, i may actually turn to dust, being the antichrist and all... okay, that was obviously a joke lest any of you are planning to ambush me with a wooden stake in school tomorrow. im not antichrist. to be an antichrist, i'd have to first acknowledge the fact that god exists. no, acknowledging god and christ are not the same thing douchebags (though both don't really require a brain. tee hee. my little joke. please don't sue). right...
the root of my frenzied fury is actually an incident that happened on friday. la dee da dee da the unsuspecting indian comes to school with every intention of sleeping through the day. little does she know that she'll overhear 2 lost sould exchanging testimonies with each other [for those of you unfamiliar with testimonies, its actually what christians call "proof" (wait, notice its in "...") that christ exists and helps people and shit] urgh, totally ruins my day when i hear people talking about the "lord". im serious, its like nails down a black board. if you actually had a brain you would do yourself a favour and keep whatever imaginary beings you believe in to yourself and in the 4 walls (and 1 high ceiling) of church.
AND that's what really bugs me. to me religion is very private. its as private as which stores you buy your supply of condoms and pads in, its as private as you grandmother's bra size, its as private as that magazine guys hide in their sock drawer. when you take it public, you're encroaching on shady territory and unleashing unwanted trouble. if you take it outside the setting i described earlier, you are ASKING to be disproved by little old me. you are ASKING to be told "you are a prick with no brains". school is a public place, if you turn it personal with all the christ shit, there is no way one will not retaliate with a certain dusty machine gun hidden away under the bed. that said, i personally belief that schools should not be allowed to preach the existence of god or take it upon themselves to spread the word of god. its misusing government funds: you say you're building a school, but the school happens to double up as church. that's a pretty weak point, i know, but you get what i mean (i hope). people don't generally sign up for the conversion that comes with attending a mission school. moreover, one (clearly by "one" i mean me) does not appreciate being told that one's going to hell if one doesn't conform to the school's god's word and will. a revolt should be started: schools which are affiliated to ANY organised religion should become PRIVATE schools with private funding, hence thereby continuing the theme that religion is a PRIVATE belief.
you may think i go over board, that i have no right to blog about christianity, christ, god etc. you may think that im being rude and cynical, being agnostic atheist and all. ooooh is that riiiight? well, do YOU have that knowledge that i seemingly lack?? (im refering to all those christian blogs out there specially dedicated to converting people) my guess is, probably not. if you're not god, just stay away from the peddling religion business okay (as profitable as it may be). you're probably just reciting out what your little youth pastor tells you (my guess is, he probably has no fucking clue what he's on about either) and the lyrics to christian rock songs...
and that's another thing i have to get off my chest. what is with the infiltration of pop culture christians? leave harry potter alone dammit! he's well off on his own. not just that, its the "rock"songs and manga (yes, ive actually seen christian manga, mm should concur) too. imagine if the whole world became christian (the middle east is officially not part of the world anymore since the bush admin)...what would become of our pop culture. OH! the horror! the horror! im serious! guys, no more porn for you. no more witty books on magic and fantasy fiction. no artemis fowl, no harry potter... OMG NO MARILYN MANSON!!! GRACE JONES!!! BOY GEORGE!!! NO MORE HOMOSEXUALS!!! oh golly, i'm feeling a bit dizzy now...they'd all be flushed into the toilet together with me!!! OMG NO MORE ME (i'd be too much of a challenge to convert that they'd give up on me)!!! the world would be the most boring and bland place should we be left with only christians. oh what a fantabulous world to look forward to yeah? still looking forward to the apocalypse christians?? hmm...yeah that's what i thought...
but its all part of the ploy to convert people, and i get that. a land of people with homogeneous religion is still a long long away. do you think that even if we do manage to get everyone to believe in christ, that we'd be happy, in a perfect narnia-like utopia? well think again bastards...look what happened with the catholics and the chistian church... same god, same jesus, similar book, completely different church. segregation is in our bloods, dammit! why can't we just open our eyes to that? in the beginning we all believed in god. then came the dillema, who is god exactly? segragation occurs according to type of god you believe in. then came the argument who is right, a more distant arc grows between groups...it never ends, does it? until you christians get that, stop trying so hard to convert people (for what reason, is beyond me) and let nature take its course, take a chill pill. otherwise your mission will never ever end (putting aside the fact that there isn't actually an outright commander here)
that's the issue i have with most christians: the attempt to convert you. a lot of people of the christian community think that they're doing you a FAVOUR by converting you. again let us temporarily put aside the fact religion is a private sector of your life and focus on the falacy of that belief. the bible tells us that god is a loving dude (almost like buddha...hmm..something to think about) who adores all his little forest critters. on the other hand, the bible also tells you, only followers of christ can ascend up to heaven. all others will eventually be killed, as evangelists put it, in a flood of fire and i'll die in an eternal inferno of flames. OH MY im so scared...a flood of fire...wow, however will i save myself... ok actually its kind of (alright, fucking) scary, but if god really existed, wouldn't he be the very epitome of perfection as you say.
he'd be dressed in his prada best, with lots of shiny light around him, chewing an apple for some reason, with long wavy hair tugged loosely behind his ear, with a cool calm aura enveloping him, not to mention a constant gentle breeze wafting in the smell of strawberries around him (waaaaaait a minute...isn't that johnny "god-like" depp im describing?)... if he were to be so perfect, would he be so petty as to behave like a 5 year old child? (for purely imagination's purposes, i wrote this to be read with a singlish accent. humour me, will you...):
seriously, why can't it be like that instead? is it really necessary to convert people? do you think you'll get brownie points with god by converting more unsuspecting people? if you really want, wait for the stupid second coming if you believe in it so much. i mean, if i had a 5 minute chat to iron a few issues out with him (evolution, death etc.) i would by all means become his no. 1 devotee. otherwise, religion is not a bartering system. without proof of god, it is merely becomes a source of motivation to live life well and to the fullest (i don't need god for that. i have common sense see, but im talking about those without common sense.), and not the answer to life and death. so what im trying to say is keep jesus within the constraints of you mind where it belongs (contrary to popular belief, the heart can't think see...)
with that, i end of a long due post. got a lot of my chest today as you can probably tell. before i end off, i would sincerely like to urge all of you who just read this to:
1) seriously, don't sue...
2) got something to say, say it on the tag board and not with pitchforks waiting for me outside school
3) pretend that i wasn't insulting you so there's no need to write any letters to the government after feeling offended
4) take everything with a pinch...maybe a cup...alright a bucket... of salt.
if you worship jesus and shit don't read hor. know what's good for you la. okay, be good..redirect yourself from where you came from. who's a good christian? that's right...you're a good christian...yes you are...yes you are...
for those of you who don't go to my school, i'll make it my duty to enlighten you to the ways of hell (in the skin of heaven). regulars will know that friday is chapel day, but what you don't know is the extra conversion schemes waiting for you EVERYDAY. every morning SAJC invites "saints" in a "come one come all" fashion to "morning worship". ah, are those some hysterical snorts i here? "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??" right? right? i heard it right? well, my friend, my well-refined snooping skills have allowed me to peer into lecture theatres (where these sessions take place at dawn...alright so its 7am, go with the flow, will you?!) through what i call "the windows to hell". and let me tell you fellows, it is not at all pretty: i see dizzy addicts [well of course silly, they're addicted to the love of god <3(isn't it creepy to see me use this symbol)], people in a trance singing charms, people collapsing while reciting voodoo poems, people crying and convulsing. oh! its hell on earth i tellya! what mangled scurvy dog do i call upon to set down such foolery and tricks? quick trip to Elizabethan times, sorry... i shit you not fuckers, its the creepiest cult-like setting the world has ever seen. stalin's own little slumber party can take a back seat. L. Ron, you've met your match. *drum roll please* the christians are here! i am purely entertained each morning i get to witness this. i was disappointed in one aspect of the cult worship though: the only thing missing was standing around a smoking pot of weed.
it may irk some of you to know that i actually attend my lectures in those rooms, though nobody seems to care enough for my well-being. im secretly planing to infiltrate these sessions in the morning with my handy spycam in the guise of someone looking for christian answers to a very hindhu dilemma, reincarnation. WHO'S WITH ME?! on the other hand, i may actually turn to dust, being the antichrist and all... okay, that was obviously a joke lest any of you are planning to ambush me with a wooden stake in school tomorrow. im not antichrist. to be an antichrist, i'd have to first acknowledge the fact that god exists. no, acknowledging god and christ are not the same thing douchebags (though both don't really require a brain. tee hee. my little joke. please don't sue). right...
the root of my frenzied fury is actually an incident that happened on friday. la dee da dee da the unsuspecting indian comes to school with every intention of sleeping through the day. little does she know that she'll overhear 2 lost sould exchanging testimonies with each other [for those of you unfamiliar with testimonies, its actually what christians call "proof" (wait, notice its in "...") that christ exists and helps people and shit] urgh, totally ruins my day when i hear people talking about the "lord". im serious, its like nails down a black board. if you actually had a brain you would do yourself a favour and keep whatever imaginary beings you believe in to yourself and in the 4 walls (and 1 high ceiling) of church.
AND that's what really bugs me. to me religion is very private. its as private as which stores you buy your supply of condoms and pads in, its as private as you grandmother's bra size, its as private as that magazine guys hide in their sock drawer. when you take it public, you're encroaching on shady territory and unleashing unwanted trouble. if you take it outside the setting i described earlier, you are ASKING to be disproved by little old me. you are ASKING to be told "you are a prick with no brains". school is a public place, if you turn it personal with all the christ shit, there is no way one will not retaliate with a certain dusty machine gun hidden away under the bed. that said, i personally belief that schools should not be allowed to preach the existence of god or take it upon themselves to spread the word of god. its misusing government funds: you say you're building a school, but the school happens to double up as church. that's a pretty weak point, i know, but you get what i mean (i hope). people don't generally sign up for the conversion that comes with attending a mission school. moreover, one (clearly by "one" i mean me) does not appreciate being told that one's going to hell if one doesn't conform to the school's god's word and will. a revolt should be started: schools which are affiliated to ANY organised religion should become PRIVATE schools with private funding, hence thereby continuing the theme that religion is a PRIVATE belief.
you may think i go over board, that i have no right to blog about christianity, christ, god etc. you may think that im being rude and cynical, being agnostic atheist and all. ooooh is that riiiight? well, do YOU have that knowledge that i seemingly lack?? (im refering to all those christian blogs out there specially dedicated to converting people) my guess is, probably not. if you're not god, just stay away from the peddling religion business okay (as profitable as it may be). you're probably just reciting out what your little youth pastor tells you (my guess is, he probably has no fucking clue what he's on about either) and the lyrics to christian rock songs...
and that's another thing i have to get off my chest. what is with the infiltration of pop culture christians? leave harry potter alone dammit! he's well off on his own. not just that, its the "rock"songs and manga (yes, ive actually seen christian manga, mm should concur) too. imagine if the whole world became christian (the middle east is officially not part of the world anymore since the bush admin)...what would become of our pop culture. OH! the horror! the horror! im serious! guys, no more porn for you. no more witty books on magic and fantasy fiction. no artemis fowl, no harry potter... OMG NO MARILYN MANSON!!! GRACE JONES!!! BOY GEORGE!!! NO MORE HOMOSEXUALS!!! oh golly, i'm feeling a bit dizzy now...they'd all be flushed into the toilet together with me!!! OMG NO MORE ME (i'd be too much of a challenge to convert that they'd give up on me)!!! the world would be the most boring and bland place should we be left with only christians. oh what a fantabulous world to look forward to yeah? still looking forward to the apocalypse christians?? hmm...yeah that's what i thought...
but its all part of the ploy to convert people, and i get that. a land of people with homogeneous religion is still a long long away. do you think that even if we do manage to get everyone to believe in christ, that we'd be happy, in a perfect narnia-like utopia? well think again bastards...look what happened with the catholics and the chistian church... same god, same jesus, similar book, completely different church. segregation is in our bloods, dammit! why can't we just open our eyes to that? in the beginning we all believed in god. then came the dillema, who is god exactly? segragation occurs according to type of god you believe in. then came the argument who is right, a more distant arc grows between groups...it never ends, does it? until you christians get that, stop trying so hard to convert people (for what reason, is beyond me) and let nature take its course, take a chill pill. otherwise your mission will never ever end (putting aside the fact that there isn't actually an outright commander here)
that's the issue i have with most christians: the attempt to convert you. a lot of people of the christian community think that they're doing you a FAVOUR by converting you. again let us temporarily put aside the fact religion is a private sector of your life and focus on the falacy of that belief. the bible tells us that god is a loving dude (almost like buddha...hmm..something to think about) who adores all his little forest critters. on the other hand, the bible also tells you, only followers of christ can ascend up to heaven. all others will eventually be killed, as evangelists put it, in a flood of fire and i'll die in an eternal inferno of flames. OH MY im so scared...a flood of fire...wow, however will i save myself... ok actually its kind of (alright, fucking) scary, but if god really existed, wouldn't he be the very epitome of perfection as you say.
he'd be dressed in his prada best, with lots of shiny light around him, chewing an apple for some reason, with long wavy hair tugged loosely behind his ear, with a cool calm aura enveloping him, not to mention a constant gentle breeze wafting in the smell of strawberries around him (waaaaaait a minute...isn't that johnny "god-like" depp im describing?)... if he were to be so perfect, would he be so petty as to behave like a 5 year old child? (for purely imagination's purposes, i wrote this to be read with a singlish accent. humour me, will you...):
"oh you don't belief me is it?! you see what happens to you later. muahahaha! i get a sumatran forest fire to chase you down then you know!"
versus
"aiyah, just now i tell you to believe in me, you don't want. never mind, now you see me. watch ah... *parts the sea*...okay? can? nah. here's that barbie doll you wanted from toys r' us. what must you say...?"
versus
"aiyah, just now i tell you to believe in me, you don't want. never mind, now you see me. watch ah... *parts the sea*...okay? can? nah. here's that barbie doll you wanted from toys r' us. what must you say...?"
ignoring the fact that god's singaporean in my largely warped mind, let's discuss which scenario is more feasible. both are uncles at a coffee shop, but which uncle will you follow home (heaven in this case)? the one that just threatened you or the one that gave you proof and well... a barbie doll after reading your mind(that was actually the real point of the doll...see, im not that frivolous in my analogy). the second scenario actually seems a lot more god-like, doesn't it? a sweet, bubbly old man who gave you proof that he had super powers AND read you mind seems more likely to be god. christians, please don't hunt me down with a giant cross for portraying god as a paedophile (although, he really does love his children no?).
seriously, why can't it be like that instead? is it really necessary to convert people? do you think you'll get brownie points with god by converting more unsuspecting people? if you really want, wait for the stupid second coming if you believe in it so much. i mean, if i had a 5 minute chat to iron a few issues out with him (evolution, death etc.) i would by all means become his no. 1 devotee. otherwise, religion is not a bartering system. without proof of god, it is merely becomes a source of motivation to live life well and to the fullest (i don't need god for that. i have common sense see, but im talking about those without common sense.), and not the answer to life and death. so what im trying to say is keep jesus within the constraints of you mind where it belongs (contrary to popular belief, the heart can't think see...)
with that, i end of a long due post. got a lot of my chest today as you can probably tell. before i end off, i would sincerely like to urge all of you who just read this to:
1) seriously, don't sue...
2) got something to say, say it on the tag board and not with pitchforks waiting for me outside school
3) pretend that i wasn't insulting you so there's no need to write any letters to the government after feeling offended
4) take everything with a pinch...maybe a cup...alright a bucket... of salt.
