chocolate

hey

i woke up at 1.40pm today. heh heh heh been a long time since i did that. i have a few more days to enjoy this before EoM. yesterday mm, beta and i went out. the last time was for mm's birthday and this time its beta's (belated) birthday. i have to wait for next year for my turn T_T. her birthday was right before the promos and neither of us felt rebellious enough to defy the promos sutra. so yesterday we went to Max Brenner's Chocolate Bar. i think its obvious who suggested it. it was all things chocolate so you can guess how delirious i went when i saw the menu. mm was apprehensive because it seemed too pish posh and left all the ordering and responsibilities to me. twerp. its really fun when the 3 of us go out. the conversation never stops and in fact there's always too much to say. 4 hours isn't even nearly enough.

i met mm at habourfront station at 6. then we went to vivo's daiso to buy ollie's new dog leash because the little demon just mutilated the expensive ones that came with him. then we went down to (shop name that i can't remember) to get me a new wallet. it doesn't really suit me because its white with heavenly gold stars on it. its supposed to be black with devilish silver skulls on it (at least that's how emo beta expected it to be). after that we went to denki to look at SLR camera prices. im at least 8 months away from it. it should be about 1.8k. even with deepavali i won't make it. maybe for my 18th birthday... then we went to subway to eat dinner. the subway lady gave me jalepeno pepper even though i said i didn't want any. numb nut. then mm and i discussed our siblings...i really really want to meet twinnie now.

we were late to go meet betamon. but then again its betamon la... if you look close enough, you'd see a fucking halo. we took the citylink and went to suntec before realising that we were supposed to go to esplanade. quite blur mah...we looked for the chocolate bar and found it on level 1. we sort of hovered outside for a few minutes, went to the place next door, hovered some more...and then finally got seated. when the waiters took our orders i was quite shocked, he didn't write anything down and came back relatively quickly with a perfect order.

MM really wanted the fondue, so we got her her fondue. came with strawberries, bananas, marshmallows and cake cubes. i felt that it should have had more berries and fruit. the cake cubes were nice but it was a little too sweet with the chocolate. the chocolate came in two types, dark and milk...but we only realised that after we finished it. i thought the dark chocolate was dark because it have been sitting on the fire a tad longer than the milk chocolate had been. beta and i debated whether or not there was caffeine in chocolate, mainly because she insisted we wouldn't be able to go to sleep. beta got a Neapolitan chocolate cheese cake with fruit. and i got the Belgian waffle with pomegranate and cherry sauce (that resembles menstrual discharge. tasted good though). on top of that we got 2 pots of tea, mango and chamomile. i personally thought the mango was better. went well with all the chocolate.

you know you love them, pictures pictures pictures...

the chocolate bar!!! level 1 at esplanade mall. orange lighting makes everything look heavenly, doesn't it?

waffle, fondue, chocolate cheesecake and tea covered table; massive sugar rush

my belgian waffle with vanilla ice-cream and cherry and pomegranate sauce. i had already given beta a cube before i realised we haven't taken a picture yet. i liked the fact that the chocolate wasn't overwhelming and was well complemented.

the chocolate fondue and the platter of dippables. needs more berries!!! i think you can guess what mm and i would do shortly after. i mean, come on! what's more romantic than a chocolate fondue?? it was on fire, literally...

betamon's chocolate cheesecake. it was good, but definitely needed to be more cheesecake than chocolate cake. we were desperately trying to guess the fruit that came with it. it looked like apple but wasn't apple. the aroma was a bit flowery and it wasn't as sweet as apples. hmm... could be passion fruit...but are passion fruits crunchy?? i need to know these things badly...

fat kid alert!!! i caused that chocolate stain on her mouth. heh heh heh. i got it there by feeding her of course, whatever are you thinking??

looks like mm's birthday all over again. i think she simply likes devouring spoonfuls of food.

tastes so chocolatey mah... i always look deranged when im eating chocolatey stuff. don't judge me!

how to feed your partner chocolate dipped delectables 101
step 1: look lovingly and meaningfully into each others eyes.

step 2: simultaneously dip with care

step 3: feed each other seductively (and pause for the camera to snap) while romantically laughing and looking into each others eyes.

step 4: coyly complain that the strawberries are too sour or...just gag

selfy #84756 : mm thinks she looks fat. i think she doesn't.

selfy #9856876832656: mm still thinks she looks fat. i still think she doesn't.

mm and betamon

betamon and i

mm and i

after paying for our meal and finishing our tea we left. it was going to be 10 and MM had a curfew. so we decided to stroll to the merlion place and just talk (we're girls and that's what girls do...talk excessively:D). we talked about the usual stuff la, religion etc etc. however, yesterday was different: drum roll please... we talked about beta's lovelife. granted it was non-existent, but still...mm and i always got a lot to say on the matter. only betamon hasn't had anything to share. it seems, much to the annoyance of mm and i, that beta compartmentalises her life. meaning she's been keeping her outside friends (us), church life, classmates, photography friends, family and personal life all separate. she's a demon robot la, mm and i were apparently in a dusty drawer in her life. on the other hand, i think we were able to disintegrate these "compartments" slightly. mm and i felt like we just accomplished building rome. we managed to establish what miss betamon looks for in her boyfriend. yay!!!! it was like crossing a milestone. we sat on the steps near the merlion and listened to beta's church soap opera stories and her somewhat clinical and logical views on life. nonetheless, it was interesting...

i couldn't help myself...just had to take it. i think it makes me look like a psychotic stalker looking to devour tourists who crossed my path. yes yes, im a nut job.

we saw this projector thingy at the link between esplanade and the citylink. again, really couldn't resist. "IM SWIMMING MM! IM SWIMMING!! QUICK TAKE A PICTURE!!!" there were like a ton of people who just happened to start passing by. it was really embarrassing actually, but fun of course. i don't think i'd ever get to do this again see...i just had had had to do it.

MM had to do it too. as you can see, we tend to get carried away with ourselves and do insane things in public together. beta was far far far away trying to hide herself and pretend like she didn't know us. clearly she was fully kept entertained by mm and i...all the stupid antics mm and i do is for our one and only audience, beta who laughs at everything we do. she totally enables us.

crouching tiger (mm) hidden dragon (me). i was taking the shot.

beta tip toeing. mm don't need to say la, tip toe also cannot make it...

beta NOT tip toeing. who's taller?? come on, let's hear it...who's taller?? that's right...me! muahahahaha...maybe another lifetime beta.

after eating and talking we were ready to go home when we say mm's and allan's mutual friend. it turns out allan was in the area as well. surprise!! we were going to pretend like we just happened to bump into him and make it look like he was stalking us. plan FAILED. it ended up just being awkward and stuff. he was freaking out and squirming like a girl. that pussy. his expression was priceless though: shocked/confused/scared/frightened/WTF?? he kept asking why we were there (like we were haunting him or something BWAHAHAHAHA). after all, it couldn't possibly be a coincidence right?

allan: why are you here??????????
me: what the hell? we can't possibly be out and about?
allan: its 11.15 at the esplanade!!!!!!
me: you're here too!!!

yeah actually it was a bit weird la, to see him that late at the esplanade. nobody really goes there in the middle of the night after all. coincidences are weird. met his friends and then we walked back to the station together (kept insulting each other as always). took the train with beta and allan's friend, joey. she's so nice that its a miracle allan knows her. sigh...what has the world come to? all in all yesterday was really quite fun with mm and beta. made me forget all about my promos blues, retaining, pw etc etc etc. we even came up with a system for the 3 of us: every last friday of the month, we'll each take turns to come up with a interesting place to eat, have fun and goof off. since i came up with the chocolate bar i get to skip this turn. yay! i reckon we'd get to see half of singapore by the end of next year. we're just awesome la...admit it. don't you wish you were us fuckers??

dissolved girl

OMG HELLO!!!!

I KNOW I JUST BLOGGED LIKE 5 SECONDS AGO BUT WTFOMFGHOLYSHITWTFWTF!!!! MASSIVE ATTACK!!! SHIT LA ITS SO GOOD I WANT TO DROWN MYSELF IN A BABY'S BACKSIDE FILLED WITH CRACK AND SNORT IT LIKE A FREAK ON WHALE BLUBBER!!!

okay ive calmed myself, but only slightly enough that i can type normally without going ballistic like allan does on his blog. SERIOUSLY!! check it, out its totally ORGASMIC and would make you see sound in technicolour!!! its totally my kind of shit. you get the same high as you would from smoking pot...okay maybe not...but you get close to it. if there were actually a heaven, god would be playing massive attack on his big ol' divine stereo!!! MASSIVE ATTACK PEOPLE!!! MASSIVE ATACK!!!!

they did house's opening song: teardrop. i found that out while hunting the other videos down on youtube. blew my mind man, no wonder it sounds so good. almost as good as bones' opening theme by the crystal method. here are some videos to prove that im not some nut job who's high. well i am, but so not the point!

massive attack - karmacoma

massive attack - butterfly caught



massive attack - risingson



massive attack - sly


massive attack - teardrop

were there not freaky?? so freaky!!! iloveitiloveitiloveloveloveit! *girlish japanese highschool girl giggle(or cackle, whichever gives you more nightmares)* i tell you fuckers, black guys make great music when they're instated with white guys. its the whole collaboration thingy. obviously there are tons more videos that you should totally get right on. i really feel like im doing some good in the world by telling everybody about them. its like...community service...yeah community service. now im going to stop before i start sounding all swishy and queer. as a matter of fact... i do feel kind of queer... must be the MASSIVE attack!! (sorry tards, my little pun...heh heh heh)

riiiight... okay. time to go. bye. oh wait, before you never re-enter this avenue of the cyber realm again (for obvious reasons) be sure to check out mm's blog. there this thing from japan that looks like it belongs in a sex shop: dildo's for people with ape/monkey-like fetishes. i was laughing so hard i peed a little. okay that was clearly too much info. i'll go now...

spies

today's earlier post was depressing. and not funny (except to those sadistic numb nuts reveling in my unhappiness). the next 5 to 6 days shall be spent doing what i do best. dig a trench, mope around the house, not brush my teeth and not take baths. oh don't act like you never gone a stretch of days without showering. that's just lying. all you dirty bastards have skipped a day or two. hmph...trying to make me feel gross won't work guys.

heroes season 3 is out and IT SUCKS TITS (thought i'd try a different set, but doesn't really have the same flow. what do you think?). i watched the first 2 episodes and guys, let me tell you, it was just plain frustrating that the writers don't think anything through anymore. it was complete and utter shit. it was almost like that campfire game you play at brownie camp (i know this because i was a brownie, no not the chocolate kind. the real full out mini-guides thing with elves and pixies and stupid promises to god you had to fucking MEMORISE). yes that game where everyone throws in lame plots and string it together to form a "story". it was in bits and pieces. for those of you who don't watch the show and would like to know nothing about it skip this post. for those of you watching the show and would not like to hear what a load of crap it is, you can skip it too.

so i watched the first 2 episodes and realised it lacked the goosepimpling effect that the first season had. you just snort and roll your eyes everytime the writers try to shock you new information. first of all peter is trying to save the world AGAIN. apparently the last 2 seasons of running around and trying to save the world just wasn't quite enough for the "plots to destroy the world and then try to save save the world" department of over-paid writers at NBC heroes. ah but this time, the fuckers have come up with a twist see. it isn't just peter, the nurse with abs, whose trying to save the world anymore. its FUTURE peter, the nurse turned all-powerful superhero with a scar and RIPPLING abs.

right so he runs around, tries to kill his brother to stop him from telling the whole world about a bunch of freaks from the circus who have been set out lose into the world. surprise, nathan, doesn't die. but when nathan wakes up...get this guys...this is the thing that really pisses me off...nathan wakes up thinking that he is jesus, or at least an angel...sent to do god's work. come guys, it isn't appropriate to laugh at people who think they are jesus. for all we know that's where the show is intended to go, religious homogeneity through a tv series watched by millions.

so we have f.peter and jc.nathan both taking on hefty jobs in ruling the world. there's nothing much to discuss about hiro toyota wasabi-kun. niki sanders is doing her split personality thing again. she's still boinking inappropriate men who are highly paid. she's some adviser to some governor. ah then we have sylar. sylar is now invincible because...um he sort of got that invincibility thing from claire. claire is like..um..still not dead.

MOHINDER. aaaaah, they spoiled him for me. actually i really liked his character, no, not because he was indian, but because he was smart and well... NORMAL. i liked that his superpower was actually his brain. he was the stereotype in the show, and i liked that. i season 3 he is totally out of character. everything about him is different. at the start of season three, he was all "fuck you all, im going back to india to get married to a nice indian girl and eat curry lentils with popadams". the last part was my own imagination, but you get my drift. did mohinder used to give up so easily? i don't think so. 3 seconds later maya(the spanish hot chick whose power turns her eyes black) has convinced him to stay by giving him an epiphany. the powers are not stored in the brain or blood like we were led to believe the whole show, its in their adrenal glands (fight or flight response controllers). so mohinder sucks some adrenal fluid out of maya's thing (its nothing sexual you dirty bastards, i really don't know). then he thinks that fluid can be given to anyone, like instant superpowers in a vile(if only). he thinks it will revolutionise the world. maya's all like "nooo mohinder noooo, theees eees veeeeryyy bad. theeeeeeese powers are cursed." mohinder's all like in deep thought and broody. he goes for a walk...with the vile for some strange reason. he stands by a shipping port(or something) and makes an attempt to toss the vile out into the sea (NO mohinder! come on?! you want fish to mutate superpowers too?! seriously, as a logical scientist, you should think before you dispose of stuff like that into the sea. ah well, you ARE from india)

right so where was i, he makes a feeble attempt to toss it into the god forsaken sea. he fails. here's what he does, he injects the fucking demon fluid into HIMSELF. as expected, he passes out. then mohinder wakes up to find himself being mugged closely followed by going all teakwando on the thieves. yup his super powers are like reflexes and shit. he's strong too although they're not particularly linked (reflexes=strenght??? methinks the writers didn't really think this through. they were just delivering what all the insane doe-eyed fangirls wanted). he's super happy about it and goes back home to do tests and experiments on himself. you know what, i actually think the writers gave him superpowers so that he would have a reason to take his shirt of and show off his abs and biceps. well he did show them off last season its just that its more hairless and ripped now (apparently superpowers removes chest hair and gives a waxed gleam to your newly acquired pecs). maya arrives next morning, she's shocked at his transformation from an indian professor to a martial artist...with glistening abs ofcourse. she boinks him, henceforth, promoting mohinder to be the leading man having been the only guy to shag the same girl as sylar. ofcourse, it could just be that maya's this season's mattress.

right, so matt parker(the fat one) is dropped of somewhere in africa. angela petrelli's power is revealed to be having dreams about the future (that being peter's first sign of having an ability). am i missing something? oh yeah...linderman(the crazy guy vying for utopia) is back, but this bit gets a tad confusing. linderman is actually like only visible to nathan(aka jesus). if we remember correctly, linderman's powers are bringing dead crap to life. nathan just came back from the dead right. that makes linderman god. yeah...i know...the writers didn't really get any epiphanies this year. coming back from the dead really doesn't quite astound me as much anymore. for one, we've seen that trick pulled out of the hat many times by peter, claire and sylar. nathan is just one more to the list. the show's dead, old and rehashed (like my grandmother's toe-socks) all in all. however, we all know it still isn't going to stop me from watching it...or any of the dozen million viewers. we all know deep deep in our hearts that the show is going to be cancelled before they wrap it up, but we still hope to see sylar with his unibrow finally accomplish his quest of power collecting (collect all 50 powers now and get a go at world domination free! golly, sounds like something out of cardcaptor sakura... oh don't pretend you don't know what im on about.)

that's it. i got around to paragraphing. its at random places so it may not flow. but, hey, at least its PARAGRAPHED.

square one

hello kids

today was the last day of my papers. if anyone knows of a convenient and accessible ditch that will still ensure that my body is not found, please feel free to drop an e mail. it was so horrid. im prepared to withdraw from school and employ myself as SAJC's janitor. bottom-line is that im fucked. and we all know fucked is synonymous for retained.

here are my predicted results

chem: U (because i was waiting for the organic chem fairy to come help me. she didn't come.)
econs: E
math: E
lit: E
gp: D (with lots of praying on my knees and fat hope)

as you can clearly see from the array of FAILURE, im totally, completely and utterly FUCKED. in case you've mistaken me for someone who likes to exaggerate their failures, im telling you now, those were some very optimistic predictions from me.

now lets do some maths. let's calculate how many rank points i got. i need 35. how many did i get? 0+10+10+5+6=31. as you can see, im 4 rank points shy from the rest of my life. bear i mind im being unusually OPTIMISTIC especially for econs and gp.

what's even more depressing is that the rest of the year is reserved for my favourite subject, PW. YAY!

dreams be dreams

first promo paper: GP. i did question 12, the last one, like most people. when i found out a lot of people in my class did it, i felt very less special. heh heh heh. i pride myself in being the type who usually likes to do the weird questions that nobody else ever goes near. im waiting for science and religion. until them mediocre questions and essays for me.

evaluate the claim that censorship hinders more than it helps.

i think i made a mistake. i had 2 arguments, 1 counter argument, 1 solution. do you see the error? the solution should be in the conclusion. the rebuttal should come immediately after the counter argument. i didn't do a rebuttal at all. yeah i shit my pants after that revelation. it came to me during my afternoon nap. im trying to console myself: the question didn't actually ask me to agree/disagree/take a stand. i was literally evaluating it. i don't know la. could go either way.

argument 1: censorship is good. controls how people are swayed as we're all numb nuts who just absorb what we told. anwar ibrahim example.

argument 2: censorship is fucking good. media can sway people away from nationalistic goals. singapore, usa's bush admin example.

counter argument: democracy, free speech, political liberation through unrestrained media etc etc etc. zimbabwe, bobby mugabe example.

solution: i literally sold my soul to the "A for GP" Devil on this one. aim for a perfect mix of the 2. censorship + free press= self censorship. the perfect equation to aim for. singapore's non-existent free press and national day rally speech example.

gosh i sound like such a goody two shoes prude. my actual stand is really different. liberation and political freedom. AMEN! HALLELUJAH! YEAH! i should be able to blow the cover on christianity anytime i want, anywhere i want. i should be able to criticise the government without being polite and hypocritical. i want to watch little britain's bubbles sketch in television and not in the tiny window in youtube. i want to see borat hump his buddy on the couch. it isn't funny or creative otherwise... i know i know, im actually really cynical but hello?! bubbles sketch on flat screen tv? am i so very horrible to want my opinions to be splashed across anywhere i please? so back to GP: i don't think i could have come up with the (missing) rebuttal on the spot even if i remembered to. is there really nothing im good at after all?

on a day like today

studying for promos is a pain in the ass. i hope that ponning school on Wednesday and Thursday is fucking worth it because if i get retained even after "working so hard" (i use this tern loosely, working itself is an unusual phenomenon for me) im going to be groveling at my papa's feet. send me to Canada/Australia DADDYYYYYYY!!!!! it will not be a pretty sight, take my word for it. but if i do, by miraculous and divine (again i use this term as loosely as my granny's fanny) intervention....... i promise i'll party my butt off. yeah, that seems more realistic.

im not particularly stressed (i doubt the Nandictionary knows the meaning of this word), but i am fucking worried. in reality, my genes are sadly laced with a multitude of retainees. very few people in my family who enter JC have managed to find a lapse in a system to get themselves promoted (just 1. quite sad actually). they're all haunting me in one way or another. i really wish to be the almost anomalous second. well to say the very least, im a bag of worries. im usually a dead log while sleeping, but these days ive been having insomnia. i went to bed at 12.30, fell asleep at 4.30, woke up at 6, went to school. im fueled by green tea. hopefully until 10pm. okay...maybe just a wee bit earlier...9 pm maybe.

well, i studied until 12.30 and then hit the sack. you may ask (*snort* as if) what i was doing from 12.30 to 4.30 (AM).

i was awake but i was dreaming. "Conscious Dreaming" (one more to add on to the Nandictionary). my CDs were incredibly weird. all the guys ive ever had a crush on and me...flying. in my dreams, im weightless. clearly the only place where this is possible... and then it lapses into this dream where i swimming in a pool...the pool opens out into the ocean...the ocean suddenly becomes a race track and im fucking usain bolt. did i mention i was naked while doing this? well clearly it was a dream...i mean weightless AND athletic??? my subconscious loves lying to me. then there's always the 3/15 econs test that manages to squeeze itself in somewhere.

sigh sigh sigh. in conclusion, i was unable to make myself viable glorious oxygen carrying red blood cells(think ive mentioned them before). i never appreciated them as much until today. my usual rosy pink glow (fine, brown if you insist on mocking me) was gone. even my classmates told me i looked like crap... in a nice way...well if there ever was a 'nice' way to say one looks like crap. where was i...? righto...basically, i was in an extremely weird state.

sacha baron cohen(hot brit actor) = borat(misogynist, anti semitic, maybe gay reporter) = bruno (german gay reporter) = Ali G(white rapper trying to do the black thing). right... so the videos are ancient, but lets hand it to the man for creating classic humour. you'll shit your pants. go watch the other videos too yeah. note: mormons are a subset of...yes, you guessed it...christianity.

good luck and...shit for those taking your exams around this time. don't do better than me so i can get promoted. you can do as badly as me if you want...but not better... yes yes, im a selfish bitch. took you long enough...

fancy

mac vs. windows pc

the denial twist

i don't want to talk about how the studying has been going. today is going to be a fully music post that takes me away from those suicidal thoughts that haunt me in my dreams (me in a poofy skirt running/floating away from all the guys i've ever had a crush on. they all plan to give me paper cuts from my econs test which they somehow managed to get a hold of. nooooooooo...im so scared to even close my eyes...).

i really love bjork. i love her creativity. her music videos are even more wicked. they're so...other worldly. this one that features her as a robot. 2 robots in fact. now, guys you're going to love this. the 2 robots are making out. hell, even i was a little turned on. oh come on... don't judge me. any sci-fi geek, regardless of sex, would enjoy this. truly. im not fucking you...

bjork, all is full of love.

one of my longstanding fetishes includes the chemical brothers. its technorock i think (allan, you may like this). the chemical brothers are totally my kind of head banging goodness. there's a bit of rap in there. usually i'd get apprehensive and exasperated, but its the first time that i've seen rap put to good use (aside from scaring door to door salesmen away). complements each other. MA FINGER IS ON THE BUTTON.

the chemical brothers, galvanize

the next one's by the chemical brothers as well. crazy shit man. really psychotic and mind fuckery. MM you'd totally dig this. a mix and mash of beeps, bobs and some ringalingadings. i think we can sort of tell that im super hot for the chemical brothers. its really orgasmic la, cannot take it. this video would probably make you (alright, maybe just me) want to sit in the dark, smoke some of you old stash and bang your head rhythmically up and down. AAAAAAAH makes me go nuts. psychotic thriller video with psychedelic head banging fucking good music. the best chemical combination by the THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS!!! AAARGH!!! i moving in between you...can you feel me in between you...i moving in between you...can you feel me in between you...

the chemical brothers, believe

we have ok go next. at first, the video looks like 4 nerds from the science club making a video for a really rad song while experimenting with their dad's video camera. alas, the 4 nerdy guys in the video are part of the band. they sang the song, choreographed the dance and filmed it in their garage. it wasn't their dad's video camera, it was one of their sister's.

ok go, here it goes again

a little bit of gay, a little bit rock and a whole lot of psychedelic. kasabian's not really known for knock out videos. but this...this is something else. makes you want to get out your pipe and have wild sex to this. seriously, the video is full throttle funk.

kasabian, shoot the runner

what's a music list without some acid jazz? jamiroquai here is the very epitome of funk and belonged to the 90s acid jazz movement. come come, let your suppressed psychedelic come out. nothing to be shy about. there's 2 since their video's are generally quite funkadelic (im tired of spelling funk and psychedelic). the first one's adorable. just plain happy flappy cuteness. the second is simply fun to watch. jason kay sliding about in a top hat. ooh la la.

jamiroquai, 1. (don't) give hate a chance 2. virtual insanity





cheerio. next time i'll post something up from little britain again. or maybe some other funny thing. now everybody let's tell me to get my ass back to studying. 1, 2, 3... ah phooey, im talking to a computer. i need help...but we already knew that...

lord i guess i'll never know

i thought i'd try an MM styled post. narrative!!!

he stood there crying. his heart was setting a strange pace, palpitating one moment and the rhythmically calm the very next. such was the stance of a 12 year old child who barely understood life, let alone death.

"what if i hit a car?"
"will the car crash itself?"
"will people be scared?"
"what if there are children around?"

his mind fumbled and picked at these minuscule details that were foiling his resolve. his resolve to jump... no, leap. he looked down once more, focusing on the details of the granite that was to soon receive him. his head was in fuzz, trivial thoughts monopolised it. his heart was in a numb pain, like there was a hand smothering the valves. he breathed deeply and held the morning air in, willing it to pace his heart and mind. he was the master of his body, he could control it as he wished.

raising his arms akimbo to his body, he stepped forward. just one more and it would all be over. he would be able to leave. he was the master of his own body. no one could stop him. no one would care to stop him. he was the keeper of his mind, body and soul; he was the keeper of his life.

as he takes the deciding step, a cold breeze blows, chilling the surface of his cheeks that were wet with tears. fat droplets of rain quickly followed. the boy looked up to see them fall, each at a different pace, all with the same force. he closed his eyes and allowed them to dilute his tears and, inevitably the resolve he had sworn upon. it was a sign from the heavens. it was a sign from God. as he felt a presence that he had never felt before, a warmth that enveloped him in the cold rain. the boy bowed his head down and sighed. he would come back another day. back when He wasn't watching and the deed could be done.

how was it?

i had a dream last night. it was strange. it involved the 2 of my sisters, 2 monopoly boards, russian roulette, econs class test, little britain's fat fighters and me wearing a poofy skirt that doubled up as a parachute. strange... anyone want to tell me what's that all about? well whatever, i thought this video was funny. fat fighters from little britain (i was watching it before i fell asleep. hmm wonder if that had anything to do with the dream.)