haunted

i was told that i was visited by God when i was a child.

a topless blue man came to me in my dreams one night when i was a child. i decided to relate my dream to my parents (then much less dysfunctional) on the way to my grandmother's house. for some reason, they overreacted. i couldn't fathom why they would make such a big fuss for didn't every child have a whimsical dream once in a while?

look at them steel thighs eh?

now, i shan't deny that i was snot nosed sttention seeking little brat blessed with highly effective imagination. that was also why i had to swear to my parents that i did have the dream. for reasons that my tiny child brain could not understand, my parents were fascinated. they quizzed and questioned me. who cares if i didn't know why i got the attention? as the tormented middle child i reveled in the attention, in whatever way i got it.

my mum turned in her passenger seat of the car to face me, "nan, what did you see?". i was a little bemused that she had used the word "see" instead of "dream". but again, attention was attention.

"the blue guy..." i started.

"don't be rude. don't call him the blue guy." my mum snapped at me with a scowl. boy, was she taking this dream thing seriously.

"HE flew me around the streets of India with his monkey. he showed me where the poor people lived and asked me to help them. and then we went to his cave. he said he had been living there for very long. he said he'll follow me around for as long as i needed him and that he would help me. his monkey was cute" i replied, somewhat animatedly.

im a monkey that flies. beat that jesus.

"haaah he said that ah? i don't like people who tell lies..." she said in tamil. my mum looked at me suspiciously, scanning my eyes.

"nooooo... why would i lie about a dream?" i said somewhat annoyed that she didn't believe me. it was my dream after all.

my mum turned back and i caught her looking sideways at my dad meaningfully. it made me quite uncomfortable. when we got to my grandmother's house, i finally realised why. it was then when i knew exactly when my mum is going to make a big deal out of something. a prelude, a foreboding effect if you may.

the thing about being raised in an indian family is that you get excellent food. but in return you must pay a high price, that which being your figure and your right to privacy. for you see, even your aunt that lives somewhere in the back alley gutters of india will need to know your ic number, your birthday and the exact date on which you had your first period (so that they can calculate exactly when to marry you off to their son's second cousin twice removed who also happens to be an IT technician). that's just the way it is. chinese people keep everything to themselves (which is probably why they didn't have a macdonalds until 1990) and indian people can't keep anything to themselves (which is why they were both a british colony AND a french colony).

the torment that followed that painfully silent rest of the car ride is enough to fuck up any child. thankfully i'm normal. yeah... riiiight. i've practically got "exhibit A" written on a label stuck to my forhead. sigh... i was made to recount my story 12496586538 times to each relative, each with a standard set of quiz questions of their own. and then some.

the truth is that though i had the dream, it was still a dream. details tend to escape you. its just a fuzzy memory when you wake up. it was a chore keeping the story straight to every single one of my relatives. by the time they were done badgering (the child version of) me, i was convinced that i would be needing an exorcism and a visit to India's finest astrologers.

finally, i was allowed to go and play with my cousins while my relatives gathered together and discussed me, each one throwing different suggestions as to what to do with me: the blessed freak child who had dreamed of the topless blue man. while there were some who thought i was making it up, much to my annoyance (it was a dream for crying out loud, even if i was making it up, so fucking what right?), most of the others believed me and wanted to bring me to a soothsayer that they frequented often (i come from a family of religious kooks. explains a lot huh?) for some unfathomable reason.

in any case, i really couldn't bring myself to care anymore. the worst was over. i was finally able to join my cousins in the games. who cares if they wanted to exorcise me. let tomorrow's problem lie today. i went out to the front to join my cousins (the house was one of those terrace houses. sold it last year. some good times there.)

one of them came up and asked me...

"what did they want? why you take so long?"
"dunno."
"huh?"
"they wanted to know about a dream i had about Aladdin. big deal."
"hah?"
"yeah. that's what i said. what're we playing?"

genie! for chissakes, would you put a shirt on?! some kid's going to be dreaming about a topless blue man now...

you cannot make this shit up, im telling you...

with or without you

watch this. i was laughing so hard that i fell if my bed. kinda reminded me of that madonna video. just goes to show, religious oppression can lead to some pretty strange fucked up fantasies. makes you wonder what nuns do when they get... urges.

songs by some psychotic 80s metal (i think) band called Type O Negative. the song's shit, but you gotta give them props for the video. kudos. song's called "christian woman". very aptly titled.

bag it up

remember when my itunes library reached 1000 songs and i got all giddy like a child dizzy on lemonade? well, guess who just made it to 2000 tracks. ding ding ding ding. THAT'S RIGHT, ME! all tracks that i listen to unbiasedly, mind you. now, i know it's not a competition, but if there was one, i'd be winning. HEH.

in my possession are some really GOOD indie stuff. now when i say good, i really mean the good kind. coz let's face it, we all know 98% of indie is shit.

i have keane's new album, perfect symmetry. i just got greedy. since i have their first 2 albums, i MUST have their third. come on... you know what i'm talking about. it's that insatiable monsterous greed that grows within you to rob you of your rationality? no? just me then? im only halfway through reviewing the album, but so far so good.

AND THIS TAKES CAKE(???). OASIS's NEW ALBUM. DIG OUT YOUR SOUL. WITH ME. IN MY ITUNES LIBRARY. THAT'S RIGHT. UH HUH. I HAVE IT. COME TO MAMA!

don't ask me for any of the music just yet. i need to hoard them and listen to them all myself first. oh you know how this indie music snob gets. be kind...

good day to you matey, for its a fair day with the sun looking just like it came out of a fruitips commercial.

sea lion woman

AHA! finally got my old 5kg laptop back and i've never been happier. my one week internet-free hiatus has made me realise just how much the internet means to me. guess what i've been up to... well i think the playlist explains a lot BUT i've got new indie bands arses to bury myself in. boy does it smell wonderfull. im toying with the idea of turning this blog into a music blog OR starting a new one. then again, that would just be suicide. i should be studying for MSA and something called A lvls. what the hell am i thinking. there i talked myself out of it... maybe after A's i'll start my career to being an internet celebrity. urgh! how do some people manage 3 blogs.

right i did promise pictures somewhere along the stream of posts. avenue Q pictures, though not many, are coming up. AND pictures my new haircut which i got on saturday. can i just say that my hair grows faster than the human-spider thing from that human-spider horror movie. oh you know, the one where this smart aleck genius scientist experiments with a baby and spider genes and the boy fully matures (including sexually) in a matter of weeks at which point he starts to hunt for a mate aka. nearest female availible? no? well then. my hair's twice its length from saturday. a tad frightening.

evryone's busy with something or rather. work, comfy vacations to ang-moh land, going out with long lost friends etc. i shall soon start studying. hopefully the work thing will start soon. for some unfathomable reason my money is disappearing and my SLR fund is diminishing to a mere 800 buckaroos. and all i did was go for a stinkin' play. a tip to those of you having fun: don't. you'll soon see your savings crumble before you like an apple strudel. every outing is a mini tsunami.

"let's go study, nandhini" actually means let's spend the whole day at the library's cafe spending 8 bucks on bloody mikshakes.

"let's watch a movie, nan" actually doubles up as a cheap excuse to eat $8 popcorn and pig out after as well.

"wanna go play badminton dude?" really means a 3 hour lunch date and an hour of actual exercise.

take my advice, those little suggestions are really just money-sucking vortexes under the pretense of productive time-spending. and if you were a naive little scallywag like me thinking "money can be easily earnt" well that's only if you HAVE A JOB. sigh...

so here comes avenue Q photos. mm wore a dress *gasp* i wore a dress too *GASP*

i can't stand her for being so adorable. grrr...

mm again. betamon wasn't with us because we didn't invite her soon enough. damn.

stalker and mm

mm and stalker

im-pretending-to-be-shy allan

mm, me, allan

allan said my nose is in the shape of an elephant. laugh all you want pussy for i have this...

muahahahahahahahah "CHIIIIINAAAA MAAAAN"

i think he wants some "bitty"

finally a normal picture. see guys, he's not too ugly to be gay. he could very well rock the foundations of a gay club. (just say the word, and dude, my blog will be your very own dating service website. there's a catch though. fulfill my dream and come out of the closet. simple as that.)

QUAGMIRE!!

im-pretending-to-be-shy-again allan
me and allan

and NOW, for my haircut.
carrot top meets simon amtell at a clown convention. gosh i'm so fucking gawky and geeky it pisses me off.

i want to smell you.
i want to molest you.
i want fuck you then cut you up into peices, cook you in curry and eat you.
it's a chinese temple situated on the top of a brown hill. duh.

it's not that bad guys. you can stop thinking its a bad hair cut now. yeah NOW. none of that pitying sighs from you...

it's not really a bad hair cut for me. it takes 5 minutes for it to dry which is all i really ask for. it behaves well enough. AND more imporatantly, i don't look like an aunty. kit and my dad says it looks cute-.-''' i'd say it looks more like a refuge for stray hungry birds. my maid laughed. my sister had a ruffle. my gran says its suitable for a studying student as there is less fuss. i think im going to keep this hairstyle for a while so its better to get it over with. i hereby grant you permission to make jokes about my hair. better than patronising me by saying "good good you don't need spend money on a perm." this isn't the 1980s to be happy about not needing a fucking perm guys. if christ compels you to say something, at least do me a favour and make a joke about it.

toodles cyberstalkers.

rewrite

hey avenue q was great. for me at least. mm didn't quite fancy it as much as allan and i did. let's just say it's sesame street for adults. you could really learn a lot about life from it eg, coming out of the closet (*cough cough* allan *cough cough*). didn't take much pictures. the ones we did will be up as soon as i get a crane to lift me out of bed. im serious, that's how fat i've gotten in 2/3 weeks. at least it feels that way. as soon as the weather clears im going to step out of the house for some fresh air and activities that requires me to move. beach, badminton, bathing(im trying to aim for once in 2 days, but sometimes the mood to shower escapes me), basketball (if mm can get around to teaching me) etc. oh how i love the holidays where you can just sit around listening to oasis's new album "dig out your soul" which would make any kid a wonderful christmas present. see how i did that... i just slipped it in. i better remember to study amidst all the fun ive been having. don't think the stuff i learnt up (which is just enough to get me 35 rank points) for promos stuck at all. my computer's PMSing more than the ol' hag which majorly sucks balls. that is also one of the reasons i haven't paragraphed yet. the fucking enter button does not work. dammit. COCK. its so frustratng to have a peice of shit i place of a computer. so whether YOU read this mess or not is the least of my problems. dammit without paragraphing i sound so random and completely incompetent at narrative writing. you know what? im not even going try to continue. and that sucks for you because i had this whole ranty, angsty, cynical, well-researched post (oh don't pretend you don't love reading them) planned about people who think they're perfect and take it upon themselves to fix other people according to their own ideals. urgh! FUCK IT! and you know what going to suck even more for you? im going to turn this into a blob of rainbow skittles-like vomit just so that YOU'D get pissed of reading it. MUAHAHAHAHAHA! and now that you read all the way through, you can't undo the damage done to your eyes, brain and the time you could have spent doing other more productive things. GYAHAHAHAHAHA! im so eeeeevil. im an insane woman with a vengence to fulfil against fucked up technology. well, let's see what you become when technology finally turns on you! MYAHAHAHAGYAHAHAHMUAHAHAHA! I AM SUCH AN ARSEHOLE! WEEEEEEEEEE! well guess what? you an arseWIPE! so wipe the crap off of me! HEH HEH HEH HEH! oh shit, i just realised you can just highlight the whole thing and read it if you really wanted. damn. let's hope you just realised that too.

positivity

yeah

okay on wednesday everyone probably heard the news. if you haven't then you probably live in alaska or in a crack somewhere. im talking about obama. well it wasn't really a surprise. its a good thing he won. if mccain had won im sure he would have gone on a hunting marathon with palin instead of fixing america's economic shit hole. obama got right on it, even though he still has 2 months before taking over the office. so YAY OBAMA!

so im sure if you were following the campaign, you would have been thoroughly entertained like i was. only in the US will you ever find elections and politics fun and fascinating. you can't really imagine throwing a parade in any other country after the elections. but then again, only in US is the media so bloody influential. tv networks really put a good spin on the elections this season. very captivating.

there were somethings that i didn't really fancy about the elections.

for one, the duration. i guess that's one thing singapore got right. short and sweet. well not sweet for me since PAP keeps winning, but short...

another thing i didn't like was how many personal attacks they both made. while i'll acknowledge that every election there'll be shit going on, this election was particularly fraught with personal jabs. it was like 2 baracudas in a steel cage fighting it out. i guess that was the entertaining bit eh? hmm...

then i didn't like the racial and religious stigma that was pinned on obama. even if he was muslim, he has since converted. but think about it, should it even matter? urgh, talk about patriotism. i think republicans are kind of... gifted with a not so high IQ...? im trying this new thing: being politically correct. heh.

i also didn't like how the republicans have this idea that obama stands for socialism just because he wants some regulation of the free market. in case these unfortunately endowed people don't read news, there's like some serious shit going down in the free market.

another thing i didn't like was sarah palin. republicans can relate to her, sure... but only because she's just like them: gifted with a not so high IQ. i didn't like the reason mccain picked her as well: to win over female voters. HELLO?! american females are not stupid. well republican females are, but the rest of them aren't. they're not going to vote for you just because you hired something with tits.

DID I MENTION IM REALLY GLAD OBAMA WON? im happy its over. except republicans, the rest of the world is happy. AAAAAH phooey, who bloody cares about them anyway? all they ever do is hunt things and go to church, but once in 4 years they get to screw up the country. great! we'll see what happens in 4 years, until then obama can fix all of america's shit. CHANGE baby... bring it.

ps. amoeba, darling, thank god for our similar tastes in music. let's never stop being indie snobs and live happily ever after with our music hoarding.

cash circus

konichiwa... okay i know these are boring to read but what the hell, milkshake tagged me and i'll do it because im absolutely 100% bored...

1. Where would you go if someone sponsors you an air ticket?
England. then when im done, i'll take a train down to France.


2. What's your favourite thing to do?
sit in my rattan chair listening to aqualung and eating a brownie while its raining.


3. Do you think money can buy happiness?
Yes. it can. but its the most short lived happiness around so helps to have a lot of it.


4. If you were given a chance to receive something, what would it be?
i think the question is asking for like love, kindness and shit. i don't care, i want a canon 50D with the full set of kit lenses. and a tripod and an external flash device.


5. Things that you cant live without:
my glasses
my money
my ez link card


6. What are you afraid to lose?
my glasses
my money
my ez link card
my IC


7. If you won US$1million, what would you do?
invest $500 000 in various shares, convert some and keep some in singaporean currency in case there's a recission in US. buy an SLR camera for myself. give some to allan and milkshake because they kind off need it more than me. see im charitable... i'll buy a studio apartment. if there's still some left, i'll by everyone i love what they love.


8. What do you dream of doing in the future?
i dream of travelling after making tons of money in a shake-leg job.


9. List down 3 good things about the person who gave you this survey:
milkshake is entertaining, interesting and my friend. heh heh heh. okay la, one more... she understands what i mean very well.


10. What makes you happy?
food, friends and gadgets

11. What kind of person do you hate the most?
almost every kind. more particularly close minded people.

12. If you have a super power what would that be?
powers to suck other people powers away from them by just being near them. heh combination of arthur and peter petrelli's powers.


13. Would you go for happiness or money?
money because i think happiness is a relative factor that cannot be fairly compared to anything. i swear the stupid test i trying to make me out to be a superficial person with all these leasding questions.


14. Who do you think is the most important people in your life?
dad
sisters
friends etc.


15. If you had a girlfriend/boyfriend, would you die for him/her?
not a fucking chance. but if someone killed/bullied him i'll go take revenge la. but not revenge that gets me killedlike in those chinese dramas. i meant in the court of law and shit...


16. Who's the last person who hugged you?
um... my stepmum, i suppose.


17. What is the one thing you want to do badly right now?
eat something chocolatey and watch the new episode of heroes.


18. Who are you close to?
beta, milkshake, amoeba and gang, allan i suppose, tanya mostly, jasmine too. i think there used to be a lot, but i am used to losing old friends, especially when i get new ones. i suck. hopefully i can expand this list with old friends as well as new ones soon.


19. Are you courageous enough to tell the person that you like him?
Yes and No. i tend to have crushes on dicks so i can't really tell him or anyone for that matter. when i like nice normal guys, sure, by all means...scream it from the rooftops.


20. If you could do one thing all over again what would it be?
i really liked milkshake's answer for this. i, for one, have never done anything significant of wrong enough to regret it. maybe if i age and try more things, i'll regret it or something. anyway, regret is for old people. oh, correction: old loserish people.


21. 8 things that scare you:
heights gives me butterflies, things that inflict pain that ive never felt before. after i feel it, its okay already... kinda like it and stuff. only 2 things. see, im such a brave girl...

22. 8 things that you like/love the most:
food
music
mac gadgets
cameras
brown paper bags
silk
dogs
smell of paint/paint thinner


23. 8 important things in my room:
my collection and my sisters legacy of books
my photography magazines
my pc
my mobile phone
my deoderant
my savings
my ipod
my camera

okay, all done. i deleted question 24 because i don't want anybody pressured into doing it. if you want to do, just do... don't be a prick. how bored must i have been to actually do these things... sigh...

love is noise

okay this i damn frustrating. my favourite bands just released new CDs and i have no money (aside from my SLR fund which is self-declared as UNTOUCHABLE) to spend on them. beta!!! teach me how to download that thingy again...

i realise that when i get new friends, i tend to ignore old ones. when i get a new family, i ignore the old one. when i get new stuff, i ignore the old one. which also means if i ever have children i have to stop at 1 child and if i want a dog i can't have the child. conclusion, im going to be childless... random. anyway, i know its super mean, but is it cold to need change in my life? i'll be so bored with the same things and people all the time, everyday.

when i had lots of things going on, i didn't even think of any of them at all. now have time to think, feel and let my thoughts settle. so when i have space for them back in my mind , i finally miss them. i promised i will and now i do. the next time, i forget you guys and push any off you off of my radar, its just my nature and need for change, space and time... just understand it and don't stop calling me up in the middle of the night and talking for hours. don't strike me off your list. just bear with it and i'll come back to missing you guys soon okay?

that was so fucking poetic and deep (nothing to do with my non-existent boyfriend by the way) that i had to add that little britain season 4 aka. litttle britain USA is airing in the states and the kingdom. i knew for quite some time, but im a selfish indie snob. get with the proggramme. heh heh heh. go watch go watch. they have some new sketches revamped with american typecasts and new settings.

AND i realise i like some of my classmates alot now. they're awesome to bitch/talk with/to. with some ultimate bitching sessions under our belts, i think i'll put an effort into liking the rest and getting along with all of them now... bitching totally bonds people. its the universal sign of peace and love amidst war. you can totally imagine stalin and winston having a bitchfest over that skank, hitler.

spies

well hello there

i did the most asinine thing. i thought i was just soooo smart and techno savvy that i went and got myself excited that i knew how to set up a blog. damn it, i publicised phantom limb's url on my msn personal message and now i can't bitch about anyone. i don't even know who views my blog and i can't make any personal jabs, references and/or attacks. grrr. the pains of having a public blog. grr grr. maybe i'll change the url... hmm... any suggestions? i really like the current one though, so ME...

anyway... here's one reason it sucks to be indian and why we would be at nuclear war with them if ever i became prime minister. 5 minutes ago i got a phone call from a random (no douchebag, we're not ALL related) indian man. twice. the first time my sister picked up.

suha: hello?
man: hello.
suha: hello?
man: hello
suha: hello?
man: hello.
suha: hello?
man: hello
suha: hello?
man: hello.
suha: hello?
man: hello
suha: huh?
man: *hangs up*

suha (to me): WAH SO RUDE...
me: next time just go "WAD? WAD U WAN?"
suha: *laughs*
phone: *rings*
me: go take...
suha: haaaaaaah
me: tze. go take la...

suha: hello?
man: hello.
suha: hello?
man: hello
suha: hello?
man: hello.
suha: hello?
man: hello

suha: *looks at me quite desperately*
me: haaaaiyaaaah.

me: hello
man: hello
me: WAD??!!
suha (background): AHAHAHAHAHAHA
man: hello what is you name? (tamil)
me: you called my house and you ask me what my name is? what is your name?! (tamil)
man: my name is Baat
me: i think you have the wrong number...
man: yes i know (tamil)
me: you know you have the wrong number?
man: yes i know. caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: HAH?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: WAD?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: WAD?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: WAD?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: WAD?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: WAD?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: WAD?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: WAD?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: WAD?
man: are you doing this on purpose? (tamil)
me: i really can't hear you. can you speak up?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: HAH?
man: caaaandhweeeebfwens?
me: did you just ask me- can we be friends?
man: yahs
me: NO WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS WEIRDO! *slams phone down*

suha: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

this is why men from india are not to be reckoned with. all weirdos and wankers. got handphone only, now big shot la? so scary... imagine if it that happened to me face to face. i'd just scream and run like a little girl. and people ask me what's my problem with indians...

on the other hand, what if he really wanted to be friends? damn... should have asked him over to my house for a belated deepavali feast... what if he mistakens me for a hostile singaporean that doesn't want him in the country??? weeeeeell, that wouldn't be sooooo bad now, would it..?