so holidays ended right into exams and we hate the anti-climax. all you party-goers must really be hating life right now. so quick review on my tests yeah...just because i like to make really redundant posts and sentences like this one. well technically its not the whole sentence, the dots are more of a link than a full stop, i find. my my, there i go again. oh and again. yup thats was one too as with this one.
GP was alright, if i fail i like to think that its not because im stupid, but rather because i was half asleep during the paper. honestly, my palms were white (as white as any brown person's could be). time for the fun facts kiddies! your body makes red blood cells during your sleep, from 1 am to 4 am. of course this may vary depending on your continued sleeping patterns, but for most of us we've cultivated that time frame. if we miss it, we lack the brand new efficient blood cells the next day and have to make do with fucked up ones. if you feel crappy because you missed your 8 hours, this is why. this is what happened to me. so i was just gibbering away during the essay, brought in really really outdated examples (like elizabethan time examples, no seriously...fucking "queen elizabeth" examples!).
this is the question i attempted with 1 other person in class: "equality for all can never be achieved and therefore should not even be pursued'. discuss.
seemed like a good idea at the time. we'll see. i should hardly fret over such trivial matters when chem was a train wreck. one hopes for a miracle in this case but that's highly unlikely unless i have a magic exam fairy at my beck and call to fill up the other half of the paper. on a bright side, my misery was not completely unaccompanied. sure, there were some crazy genious bastards who thought the paper to be "manageable" instead of alleviating my distress by whining about the afore mentioned train wreck, but the majority of us shared the mistreated sentiments. well economics would have been a breeze if i had studied, which i didn't. hmm...im beginning to sense a pattern here. anyone else? today was mathematics. if i hadn't already made my ungraded mathematics so far and widespread to the world, i'll just make another announcement then alright. it was a manageable paper with plenty of opportunities at free marks. an yet this chimp can only hope and will the planets to be in favour of my pass. and that's barely 45%. friday is literature and tomorrow we've got a revision lecture to attend for it. to go or not to go, that is the question my lads. while i have no confidence in scoring for lit (which is why its h1) my sheer and utter laziness holds me back. but don't be too harsh on him, he's my only faithful lifelong friend.
speaking of friends, its a lack thereof case again. im thinking, perhaps its better to have as little as possible. its disappointing having them as one can find herself smothered in boredom at times. just a handful of interesting company is good enough i say (i have too many it seems). shan't bring on the wallowing in self pity and waves of anguish. ah well, its partly (a very tiny small part) my fault anyway; you know being clinically diagnosed with short attention span and all(well, only if i were a doctor). i get bored really easily, like "will chew paper because it seems like something to do" easily. not in favour of constantly hanging around the [same, boring] people. maybe if they were interesting. not really a dime a dozen now are they? conversation tends to go in a loop and hover on the same topic. you can only see a person's face so much until you get bored with it you want to punch it in watch blood trickle down from their nasal cavities. that's why we have school holidays. for such a major complaint, one would think it would be a little more wise to have a wider social circle. alas, to a start of any friendship, mundane small talk would be the first step. making small talk isn't really my forte anyway (you should be able to tell within 5 minutes of meeting me).
speaker 1 (person whom ive never spoken to before and only just met briefly, you could say more than 5 minutes): so, how do you like SA/school/CCA/walking/weather/(insert whatever nasty common topic boring people talk about)?
me: how do you mean? define like...
speaker 1: you know...like...
me: making small talk now, are we? (smirk amusedly)
(stunned, shocked, uncomfortable, awkward silence)
yup, that's me emotionally, socially and conversationally stunted. im a nightmare to handle if i don't like you on first encounter. fine, just a nightmare then. ive been told many times that bluntly cutting a conversation off for reasons such as boredom and not wanting to hear crap being yapped is socially unacceptable. alright, so frankness isn't loved by one and all but isn't it better than hypocrisy? here's a paradox: people are perfectly alright with hypocrisy as long as they don't know about it. a tad hypocritical isn't it? better to get through the days by keeping my fat mouth well shut with a well-positioned scowl between my eyebrows. hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil yeah...
speaker 2 (somewhat new acquaintance): (smiles sweetly) i cut my hair.
me: the other one was better...(long pause coupled with irritated scowl) what? you clearly wanted an opinion.
speaker 2: (doesn't mention her bad haircut for the rest of the day. *sulks*)
me (over the rest of the day): dead tissue sprouts out from your hair follicles everyday, it'll be back to normal before you know it.
ah...seriously the hormonal mucks i have to deal with somedays! yes, better to keep out of everyone's fucking way before i meet other mentally unstable wankers. but, im sure you can tell by now (with the help of real life examples) that there's a reason i can only call a handful of people friends. i've handpicked them see... you fat friend-seeking-whores who add random people on firendster and facebook should try it some times eh. so what if my conversation cuts like glass? if you have nothing to say, don't say anything. and if someone doesn't say anything, it means that he/she hasn't got anything NICE to say. i say: live and let live. don't pursue stale conversation.
that's also what i hate about being shoved into new territories. what school do you come from? do you know so and so? honestly, do you think i could possibly know every single tomlina dickelle and harriet that i share the building with? let alone remember their god forsaken names. small talk is for people with absolutely no opinion on anything and get by the day stalking childhood buddies by abusing the anonymity that internet grants you (oh bollocks! you know you've done it). YAWN... booooooring.
oh well, maybe im being a complete and utter snob by turning my nose in disgust at the pathetic creatures that teenagers tend to be. maybe i should come down from my morale high ground. maybe i should try to make an effort at what should be effortless small talk.
almost stepped on a cockroach today, but stopped myself just in time to see it flinch, cringing its torso as it gave up on its puny life for tiniest fraction of a second. i almost felt like god. and it felt good. i can see why jesus was so hungry for power that he wrote a book to spread his dictatorship. its addictive. maybe i should try it. [alright this is "me", making an attempt at small talk...see what i mean? that's me, lord of the cockroaches and in serious need of clinical help. urgh, maybe NOT. idle chit chat and i have a long standing feud and i highly doubt that's going to change. methinks i'll stick with lame jokes and random but unfluffy, no frilled conversations.]
on that note, i'll leave you wankers to ponder my sanity.
PS: never try vegemite (bread spread), its expensive for one reason and one reason alone. its imported shit-in-a-bottle straight from hugh jackman's australian arse.
