creep

good day to you

ive had many weird encounters in my life. weird in the sense that they don't occur to normal people. they don't actually happen to normal people living in safe serene Singapore. they just don't. all my encounters just happen to be on public transportation. these encounters are enough to put anyone off public transportation for life my dears.

1) ever had a foreign construction worker chat you up on the train? it seems my face just spells "innocent and naive" indian teenage girl who wears her hair in two pigtails to school and walks around smelling like i just emptied half of saudi arabia's oil supply on my head. it all begins with what's the time?, are you indian?, where are you going?, where do you live? let me just tell you that it isn't normal if he crosses a carriage to ask these questions. it isn't normal if he crosses another half to continue the conversation. scary no? almost released bodily fluid down my pants (by that i meant pee, hur hur hur i know exactly what you're thinking in that assholian minds of yours fuckers). indian construction workers and i are hardly best mates, despite belonging to the same colour swatch.

2)train stalking seems to be a recurring theme with foreigners. in our next take, our young heroine(me) gets rubbed up against. our lead, aged 14, takes the stage on the early morning train to school. it was the crack of dawn and the train carriage is empty except for a RV sec one boy (you can tell by the knee high socks) and a ns uniformed young male. don't let the uniform fool you for they're all actually cowards and will do nothing to help. if the country was in trouble and you need their help to fight, you'd have to find them first. instead they stare and bemuse over the possible permutations of our eminent relationship. so with is unusually rotund beer belly up against my arm and the front of his cap gently grazing my cheek (a rough gauge of his pee wee herman height can be derived from here) on a nearly empty train, whatever is our protagonist to do? the polite but firm pleas and "excuse me"s seem to have no effect. oh what joy. who wouldn't want an obese tan man(nationality questionable) rub up against(or rather corner) them. what's a young defenseless girl to do in such a situation? run of course. run your butt off. run like the wind and your arse is on fire. at the very next stop, i got out and entered a different carriage of the same train. no reason to be late just because of a certain wacko. but that doesn't always work. here's why: certain stalkers may want to employ you as their whore and pimp you out in thailand so much that they might actually follow you out of the train. creepy. as i look out the train doors, panting and willing the heavens not to be stuck with such a wanker ever again, i spot the stalker looking around for me on the platform. he sees me and tries to re-enter the train only to have the train door slam shut in his face. wahahahahaha you should have seen his face. should i have felt smug about my quick thinking or cower in fear pondering a possible future in pleasing dirty old men at a low class brothel located conveniently in the back alleys of indonesia somewhere? i, my dears, chose the former.

3)in our next escapade, we visit our protagonist at an MRT station safely surrounded by company. what putrid gruesome (but newsworthy) scum might attack her next? i shall put you out of your misery. a gaggle of ITE (dover) scoundrels of course. no prizes for guessing their nationality. that's right: indian. as i here my name being hollered out in the middle of the train station, i look around to see that 'twas a group of scrawny shit coloured people who had let my name be encased by the nicotine deposits lodged between their teeth for the briefest moment. i squint and peer through my glasses, wondering if i knew these scalawags from a wedding or family gathering. alas, i hadn't. this was but another bout of my unfortunate encounters. i unpinned my name tag from my breast pocket and pocketed it as i continued chatting with my friends. never had i imagined that uncultured and uncouth people will still roam the earth after our multiple stages of hard earned and well deserved evolution. they put my race to even more shame that we already subject ourselves to.

well, on the unlikely event that you find yourself being stalked or harassed in any way, here are a few quick and easy steps to rid yourself of any possibility of lying in a ditch somewhere. oh i too have naively thought that the streets of singapore were safe and such encounters were unlikely. alas, it isn't and i have 3 very real life encounters to prove it. so read on and try to travel in packs, for survival can only be ensured as such.

-first there's the good 'ol ignore tactic
-if that doesn't work (it wouldn't with anyone serious about harassing you), get up from where you are and/or move as far away as possible. in such a scenario i hardly think its necessary to act casual. make haste.
-if he* follows you, get out of the train and get onto the next one.
-if he follows you still, lodge yourself in the middle of a crowd.
-if he hovers, ask for help.
-if no one helps you because they think, for some reason, that you're in some way related to the shmuck, i think its time for some self defense. kick him in the groin. that's right. make the driving force for his insane stalking inept (forever if possible). that's got to get him off.

let us unite against foreign construction workers and bird brained scums shall we? unfortunately i still have to take public transportation. my best bet now would be to hide some shurikens in my shoe for my next escapade. stay tuned for "the new adventures of captain magnet (for foreign workers)".

*note: all my stalkers (and i gather that most stalkers are) male. the assumption that yours will probably be male as well has been made. the assumption that it is an absolute genetic defect that comes only with the y-chromosome has also been made.

the importance of being idle

welcome one and all

the last post was a bit of a cock up...rambling really doesn't suit me. well today's h1 lit paper marked the end of our week long examinations. came to school for 1 hour, traveled for 2 (what's new?). the paper was a poem by sylvia plath. nice lady. tad of the edge but nice enough. after the paper, miss milkshake and i went for brunch at vivo and planned to stalk Beta and her cousin after we were done. when we got there obviously nothing was open. as expected since it was 9.30 am. later we failed to accomplish our mission of stalking Beta and frightening her cousin. instead we abandoned efforts and shopped for shoes and dresses together. what fun. what joy. it was literally a good morning. on the whole anyway.

so coldplay's album eh. came out a few weeks ago. meant to mention it sooner. it sounds very much like the pre-X&Y era of disaster. but be forewarned, violet hill is still the arguably best track on the album entitled "viva la vida or death and all his friends". not to worry, coldplay is hardly considered demonic. viva la britpop-rock!

is it just me or are prayer sessions in the morning getting longer and longer? the vp is kind of long winded. hey if you really believe in the big guy up there, make it short and sweet. he's probably busy, you know being god and all. do you really think he'd have time to grant us our "refreshing weekends" in between all the causing of famine and poverty? even the most devout of believers start to lose focus and begin to flicker their eyes open after the first 5 minutes. then again, if it weren't for these little cat naps in the mornings, i'd probably run out of fuel within the first period.

finally cashing in on the postponed meet up with secondary school friends later today (well actually, now). they seemed a tad annoyed that i canceled on them before. hmm. it WAS quite sudden anyway. oh well, foreboding exams and all...my responsibility radar kicks in when i least expect it. pity, it did nothing for my o lvls...

this is the end of a relatively short post that im making less shorter with this sentence.

rusholme ruffians

glorious greetings

so holidays ended right into exams and we hate the anti-climax. all you party-goers must really be hating life right now. so quick review on my tests yeah...just because i like to make really redundant posts and sentences like this one. well technically its not the whole sentence, the dots are more of a link than a full stop, i find. my my, there i go again. oh and again. yup thats was one too as with this one.

GP was alright, if i fail i like to think that its not because im stupid, but rather because i was half asleep during the paper. honestly, my palms were white (as white as any brown person's could be). time for the fun facts kiddies! your body makes red blood cells during your sleep, from 1 am to 4 am. of course this may vary depending on your continued sleeping patterns, but for most of us we've cultivated that time frame. if we miss it, we lack the brand new efficient blood cells the next day and have to make do with fucked up ones. if you feel crappy because you missed your 8 hours, this is why. this is what happened to me. so i was just gibbering away during the essay, brought in really really outdated examples (like elizabethan time examples, no seriously...fucking "queen elizabeth" examples!).

this is the question i attempted with 1 other person in class: "equality for all can never be achieved and therefore should not even be pursued'. discuss.

seemed like a good idea at the time. we'll see. i should hardly fret over such trivial matters when chem was a train wreck. one hopes for a miracle in this case but that's highly unlikely unless i have a magic exam fairy at my beck and call to fill up the other half of the paper. on a bright side, my misery was not completely unaccompanied. sure, there were some crazy genious bastards who thought the paper to be "manageable" instead of alleviating my distress by whining about the afore mentioned train wreck, but the majority of us shared the mistreated sentiments. well economics would have been a breeze if i had studied, which i didn't. hmm...im beginning to sense a pattern here. anyone else? today was mathematics. if i hadn't already made my ungraded mathematics so far and widespread to the world, i'll just make another announcement then alright. it was a manageable paper with plenty of opportunities at free marks. an yet this chimp can only hope and will the planets to be in favour of my pass. and that's barely 45%. friday is literature and tomorrow we've got a revision lecture to attend for it. to go or not to go, that is the question my lads. while i have no confidence in scoring for lit (which is why its h1) my sheer and utter laziness holds me back. but don't be too harsh on him, he's my only faithful lifelong friend.

speaking of friends, its a lack thereof case again. im thinking, perhaps its better to have as little as possible. its disappointing having them as one can find herself smothered in boredom at times. just a handful of interesting company is good enough i say (i have too many it seems). shan't bring on the wallowing in self pity and waves of anguish. ah well, its partly (a very tiny small part) my fault anyway; you know being clinically diagnosed with short attention span and all(well, only if i were a doctor). i get bored really easily, like "will chew paper because it seems like something to do" easily. not in favour of constantly hanging around the [same, boring] people. maybe if they were interesting. not really a dime a dozen now are they? conversation tends to go in a loop and hover on the same topic. you can only see a person's face so much until you get bored with it you want to punch it in watch blood trickle down from their nasal cavities. that's why we have school holidays. for such a major complaint, one would think it would be a little more wise to have a wider social circle. alas, to a start of any friendship, mundane small talk would be the first step. making small talk isn't really my forte anyway (you should be able to tell within 5 minutes of meeting me).

speaker 1 (person whom ive never spoken to before and only just met briefly, you could say more than 5 minutes): so, how do you like SA/school/CCA/walking/weather/(insert whatever nasty common topic boring people talk about)?

me: how do you mean? define like...

speaker 1: you know...like...

me: making small talk now, are we? (smirk amusedly)

(stunned, shocked, uncomfortable, awkward silence)

yup, that's me emotionally, socially and conversationally stunted. im a nightmare to handle if i don't like you on first encounter. fine, just a nightmare then. ive been told many times that bluntly cutting a conversation off for reasons such as boredom and not wanting to hear crap being yapped is socially unacceptable. alright, so frankness isn't loved by one and all but isn't it better than hypocrisy? here's a paradox: people are perfectly alright with hypocrisy as long as they don't know about it. a tad hypocritical isn't it? better to get through the days by keeping my fat mouth well shut with a well-positioned scowl between my eyebrows. hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil yeah...

speaker 2 (somewhat new acquaintance): (smiles sweetly) i cut my hair.

me: the other one was better...(long pause coupled with irritated scowl) what? you clearly wanted an opinion.

speaker 2: (doesn't mention her bad haircut for the rest of the day. *sulks*)

me (over the rest of the day): dead tissue sprouts out from your hair follicles everyday, it'll be back to normal before you know it.

ah...seriously the hormonal mucks i have to deal with somedays! yes, better to keep out of everyone's fucking way before i meet other mentally unstable wankers. but, im sure you can tell by now (with the help of real life examples) that there's a reason i can only call a handful of people friends. i've handpicked them see... you fat friend-seeking-whores who add random people on firendster and facebook should try it some times eh. so what if my conversation cuts like glass? if you have nothing to say, don't say anything. and if someone doesn't say anything, it means that he/she hasn't got anything NICE to say. i say: live and let live. don't pursue stale conversation.

that's also what i hate about being shoved into new territories. what school do you come from? do you know so and so? honestly, do you think i could possibly know every single tomlina dickelle and harriet that i share the building with? let alone remember their god forsaken names. small talk is for people with absolutely no opinion on anything and get by the day stalking childhood buddies by abusing the anonymity that internet grants you (oh bollocks! you know you've done it). YAWN... booooooring.

oh well, maybe im being a complete and utter snob by turning my nose in disgust at the pathetic creatures that teenagers tend to be. maybe i should come down from my morale high ground. maybe i should try to make an effort at what should be effortless small talk.

almost stepped on a cockroach today, but stopped myself just in time to see it flinch, cringing its torso as it gave up on its puny life for tiniest fraction of a second. i almost felt like god. and it felt good. i can see why jesus was so hungry for power that he wrote a book to spread his dictatorship. its addictive. maybe i should try it. [alright this is "me", making an attempt at small talk...see what i mean? that's me, lord of the cockroaches and in serious need of clinical help. urgh, maybe NOT. idle chit chat and i have a long standing feud and i highly doubt that's going to change. methinks i'll stick with lame jokes and random but unfluffy, no frilled conversations.]

on that note, i'll leave you wankers to ponder my sanity.

PS: never try vegemite (bread spread), its expensive for one reason and one reason alone. its imported shit-in-a-bottle straight from hugh jackman's australian arse.

wanderlust

salutations

the holidays are sadly coming to an end and many of us haven't had a chance to make full use of them. fear not, there is still a week left and we can still find time for ourselves. i for one haven't gotten far with my revision. only my math notes have seen the light of day thus far. so those of you who are ahead of you revision, don't tell me. and those of you who are lagging, don't tell me either for i will feel compelled to follow suit by taking comfort. moving on, remember how i was complaining about how i can't sleep past ten? well, now i can't seem to wake up until 4. and that's four o' clock in the afternoon. i pass out at dawn and stay that way until the late afternoon. now i have a week left to fix it. hang on a second while i go find some cough syrup...

alright, the constant wonders of the internet have tickled my funny bone. i feel most indebted to it that i must introduce you mirthless "emotive" razor blade carrying pubescent children out there about this comedic show. its called kenny vs. spenny. it has been around for about 4 years now for those of who haven't heard about it. now normally i don't like to stray from little britain or blackadder goes forth but this show suited for anyone with an abominable sense of toilet humour. its a canadian show that i first discovered on comedy central alongside southpark. its about 2 canadian best friends with incredibly opposing characteristics competing on a weekly basis. each week they go head to head at some incredibly lame yet strangely endearing competition. some of the competions are things like "first one to get a boner loses" and "who do gay people like more?". while spenny comes up strategies to win, like employing experts to help him, kenny comes up with strategies to cheat (which in itself is extremely creative and funny). while the show sinks into a predictable routine, it is quite undeniable that its the sort of tireless humour that we love and adore. it helps that kenny often insinuates that spenny is gay and has been in love with him since they were children. this sends spenny, the anal and sensible one, up the wall which is incredibly perversely entertaining. now, personally i like kenny but spenny is a complement to him in every single way. while the show comes nowhere near the slapstick comedy of southpark, it eventually holds its own rendering me helpless with laughter. give it a go.

as if in perfect timing to the gay pride festival, mardi gras, i witnessed 2 gay guys kissing (once again). while in no way did i find it erotic or get turned on as guys do when witnessing lesbians publicly displaying their affections, i couldn't stop staring. it was intriguing, like when you wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep. so you go downstairs to watch some tele only to stumble upon a documentary on the zebras' mating season on animal planet. you just can't seem to look away, can you? come now, don't be shy. its only natural response. its got something to do with the fact that no ones watching you watching them. okay, where was i...so i was trapped in one of those moments where the right thing to do would be to look away but i was too fascinated to even think of a deterrence for my eyes to look at.

to be fair, i probably wasn't the only one staring at them. this was on the bus by the way. i like to sit at the back of the bus so that its more private. what i should have realised is, apparently they do too. now, its not in my nature to go around with my bat smashing faggots brains in (my bat is usually reserved for you chinese people and little helpless babies), but it was one of those moments where i felt like i saw something i shouldn't have. like walking in on you mates snogging or your parents having sex. while the latter has never happened to me (my parents probably never had sex anyway, making my sisters and i jesus), the former has. only this time it was other way around, with girls. its seems, i have had a lot of experiences with the homosexual community. once again nothing against homosexuals, just a harmless observation that there seems to be more and more gays and lesbians out there. biologically speaking, it would be an impossible phenomenon. a quick lesson in biology would teach you that both sexes emit pheromones to attract the opposite sex. so the attraction would only be possible between a ding dongs and a snatch. its also the same in all animals and multi-celled oraganism (learned that on animal planet last night). in order for 2 same sexed people to feel sexual attraction for one another would be unlikely, although its been known to happen. furthermore, for one to declare that one is a homosexual, they would have to overcome the attraction they feel for the opposite sex before embarking on a long gay relationship with someone of the same sex. now, to me that seems like a lot of work... i don't really see why one should battle so hard with thy animal instinct to deny thyself of some cock or otherwise for cheap imitations.

that said, its popularity is on the rise. while i cannot find any fault with the government for this phenomenon (try as i may), i have found culprits in popular culture that have perhaps spurned and instigated the popularity of homosexuality to soar so high and so fast. from langdon hughes the dead poet to ellen degeneres the ever flourishing talk show queen, they have all given up on wooing the opposite sex and have let their queer sides take over. now, normally i wouldn't give a fuck about where your like your cock but when im taking the public transportation, i don't like having a recapitulation of what i saw on animal planet the night before. just because you're gay, doesn't mean i have to give you special treatment. actually for that matter heterosexual couples exchanging saliva make my eyes burn as well (not as bad, but you don't know where to look. you know what i mean?). now now, you should know by now that i dislike and pick on everybody and everything that mars my view. don't make your lives even more miserable by taking to heart what i say, faggots. just remember no more scaring that poor little indian girl in the back of the bus with your incessant PDA, alright? alright...

well...the holidays aren't over yet but i guess i wrote a post anyway. probably won't get another chance until common tests are over. that said, i'll leave you sad deprived minds with 2 of my current favourite quotes that reminded me of my friend who died. okay no one really died, but i wouldn't really have a reason for doing do apart from the fact that im a nerd who quotes novelists and poets. whatever, its my fucking my blog, i can say whatever asinine thing that comes to mind.

"There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up" - Oscar Wilde, Irish poet/novelist/etc.

"Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure." - Mansfield Park, Jane Austen, British novelist

i'll end my post here. i think the cough syrup's finally kicking in...

human behaviour

put that bible or that trashy novel aside for one second and pick up a real book (not all reading materials are romantic comedies in a book or tabloid gossip fuckers). here's one for starters: lord of the flies. its insanely brilliant. and im not the first to think so. its a satirical look at human nature in very honest and raw form. its by william golding and he was one genius bloke if you ask me. it has been used as a secondary school literature novel for eons. that said, its nothing like your idealistic joy luck club with chinese ladies playing mahjong every week or so and everything being a metaphor or symbolic in some way. (honestly, the book was and will always be a nightmare to get through. it had so many bloody stereotypes to get through before you get to the actual crap that she's hinting at. amy tan should burn in hell before she can write anymore of her pompous fucking bull shit unfit to even be loo roll. too harsh? well, you try getting through 2 years of analysing that horse piss and get back to me.)

okay, back to lord of the flies. it really is a bloody good read. here's a quick synopsis for you all to gauge at how fanfuckingtasting it is:

In Lord of the Flies, British schoolboys are stranded on a tropical island. In an attempt to recreate the culture they left behind, they elect Ralph to lead, with the intellectual Piggy as counselor. But Jack wants to lead, too, and one-by-one, he lures the boys from civility and reason to the savage survivalism of primeval hunters. In Lord of the Flies, William Golding gives us a glimpse of the savagery that underlies even the most civilized human beings. cliffnotes.com

i think the book looks at a lot of underlying assumptions made by the modern society and human race. also highlights and brings out the snobbery we surround ourselves in hoping to heighten ourselves to a position untouched by others. in a world where politics have reached our playgrounds and societal stratification penetrates classrooms, the book brings out the moral and social superiority that we beings sometimes hide ourselves in. could really learn a lesson from here. there are loads of key themes that apply to the modern society today. they are all brought out by golding such that only reading it will emphasise them well enough. so calling all bimbos and air headed organism fuckers out there, stop by a library (its a place that lends out books for free. i know! marvelous isn't it?) and pick it up for a good read. might widen your narrow minded, one tracked horizons a little (can't promise overnighters shit heads, sorry). but if you actually understand what the book is getting at, it will be an epiphany, i assure you.

so while im at home for the holidays, i like to download music illegally and then re-distribute it shamelessly to all my friends (oopsie). it also an opportunity to unearth new bands. ive also downloaded ALL albums by the smiths, the verve, keane etc. the list never ends. ive fallen in love with them all once again. there's nothing like rediscovering an ancient band that you used to love and forgot all about with the onslaught of new finds everyday. its when you finally hear their songs again that you truly appreciate them. its like a soft rumbling in the dust corners of your mind. its a comforting familiar feeling that holds memories from a distant past and reconnects you with them. i think that your right brain actually makes these links, like capturing a moment within a tune, taste, sight, aroma or feeling (no idiots, as wondrous as this is, im not making this up). i once read somewhere that the sound of running water calms a bawling baby because its reminded of its mummy's womb and the amniotic fluid sloshing about in there. aaaw? nope, more like eeew i think. our brains sometimes prove to be brilliant organs don't they? don't let them go to waste you ingrateful fuckers. thank your mummy and daddy (no not god, he's only good for scaring little children into behaving themselves and washing feet) for giving you your very own demon to control and dictate like the controller for your Xbox. use it wisely folks.

on a slightly more ramdom note, i find it obnoxious when people always assume im always talking about jesus christ whenever i mention (fine, mercilessly criticise) "god". a little presumptuous don't you think morons? in case you didn't know, Allah, Hercules, Brahma etc. are all considered "gods" you know... hey even Satan, Hitler, Stalin have been and are still considered "gods". i should have you know, people pray to more than one imaginary pal for their life's little petty gains. its inaccurate, and down right ignorant, to say that im insensitive and wrong about christ. i could very well be talking about my own little made up higher being whose boots i want to lick. HAH so there!

i think this may be the last post for the holiday (unless i really have something im dying to say). that said:
-to all those whose subjects are ungraded because the government and schools say we don't know enough to be given a grade so that they can dictate every portion of our lives (manage to get that in one breath, did you?): do your best to memorise the syllabus and conform to the education system (did mention i am still sore about my ever so ungraded math?).
-to those who are looking for a book to read: lord of the flies!
-to all those unhappy about my posts: up yours, twice over.

on a final note, the world's a lonely lonely place and we all need a home to seek comfort and solace in. you shan't find it here mate, so look else where. muahahaha...i missed these outbursts...didn't you?