idioteque

hello all

i watched the dark knight yesterday and it was the mind fuckery film ive ever watched. my genre has always been horror and comedy. batman films unfortunately fell within neither. don't get me wrong, i love batman. the batman films just never really appealed to my palate being as warped and twisted as it is. that is until this batman film came out. watched it with mm and beta. im sure they would and have declared that, bottom line, its a fantastically made brilliant film. mm fell in love with the joker from the moment she met him and now secretly (okay not so secretly) harbours a wish to be his girlfriend cum sidekick. mm wants to be joker's girlfriend and i just plain want to be joker. its the most fun job one could have. at least that's how the world's most dead best villainous actor, heath ledger (RIP), has portrayed his character to be. the joker is a very relatable character i must say. hmm? is that just me then? come on, think about it. we all have an inner psycotic demon that we're trying so hard to resist. the joker is himself and embraces his inner psyco. not to mention other citizens of gotham city to embrace it as well.

mm totally enjoyed the flick because she had alot of back up knowledge. she just loved predicting everything that was about to happen during the film. and when she got something right she'd do the victory dance in her seat and did one in mine. i did mine because i have a morbid love for watching the birth of new villains. the origins of insanity. beta was quite blur at some parts and had to be explained to. mm and i loved explaining things to her because we liked flaunting our deep understanding of the film. pre film bitching and post film laughter was incredibly funtastic. my muscles ache from too much laughing today and my throat hurts because i involuntarily did the soundless laughter thing again. really damages your thraot but in this case i enjoyed it. its like sovenior to prove that i had fun. it was fantastic going out with them again. need to do it again often. mm was reluctant to leave kfc because she wanted to continue some more. but i live on the edge of the planet which is why: chalet planning time!!! no need to stop in the middle of having fun. invite the whole of photography. pajamas. gambling. 6% alcohol content party booze. beach. fun. urgh. those few things always mean planning.

if you little sadistic fuckers love reading about my insecurities, problems and want to watch me crumble and burn in the flames at the hands of my own problems READ ON.

ah, so that's everybody then i suppose. i woke up this morning and after a hybrid of some events, online conversations and my own twisted paranoia, i got thinking about my future. because im so incredibly brilliant, i know that after this post is done, my blog may begin to resemble the rest of the million blogs out there whining about what's to come and shit like that. whatever. my blog, my rules.

when i was young i was incredibly boring and had the same ambitions as everyone else. that is, the ambition that all parents tell their kids to have. attend raffles girl's school. become a doctor. yeah like life makes everything so simple. everything just drops from the sky and your future just happens as you say it will happen. that's the biggest flaw with parents these days and actually always. they think that just by helping 2 gametes fuse they have this unsaid ownership over you and your life. for aren't all parents the by product of selfishness. the have children to carry on the name, to take care of them in old age and to live through them by rectifying past mistakes. the result: all children having the same boring ambition of becoming doctors, lawyers and teachers. you never actually see a child going "i want to be a lab technician when i grow up". you never see them going "i want to be an desk clerk". those jobs just seem alot less glamourous and i attribute this phenomenon to the fact that parent's create this sense of false perfection to the children. in actual fact, all jobs are jobs and that doesn't make one more prestigious than the other. but then children are too much of idiots to realise, resist and refute this.

remember when project runway first came out and you little self assured twerps suddenly wanted to become fashion designers. you believed the pish posh glamour of the job and wanted the fame that the media offered. even though you had the artistic abilities and creativity of a chiwawa, you still fancied yourself to be a glamourous fashion designer living in style, drinking espressos in new york city, living in district 1 apartments. some of us still haven't awaken from the dream and some of us have moved on to bigger things.

now, most of us born under the realm of 1991 have taken a liking to the combination BCME and fancy ourselves as psychologists. these are no doubt the remaining children still holding on to the notion that adding the suffix "dr." in front of your name is prestigious and holds the instant ticket to the high life. the world of money, bow ties and ball gowns. YAAAAAAWN. boooooring. no matter how disappointed you maybe to hear this, i will still do you this favour. i will myself and my blog take the responsibility in telling you that the process of getting that suffix in front of your name through psychology is a long and tiring process that requires years of study to attain that PhD. i can tell you now that most of you BCME-ers will quit before you even make it and become secondary school councilors telling 15 year olds what to do with their lives. woopee. way to go roll in the cash and fame. one word: sheep.

so after im done judging and pissing people of from up my safe spot on the moral high horse, i'll get on with the whining. i have no fucking clue what im going to do with my life. should i just do business and possibly live to regret my lack of adventure. should i take up literature, become a teacher and live with my parents until the day i die having no time or money for dating? perhaps i should become an accountant, work a 9-5 job and 6-8 deal with drugs, sex and alcohol? or should become a proffessional poker player? should i become a chef and start a cooking show? i could do travel writing and stalk anthony bourdein across the globe just because? or should i hope that i get run down by a bus tomorrow so that i don't have to think so deeply about my future anymore. after all im too much of a coward to inflict the pain that comes before death onto myself. why not wish for a happy accident onto myself?

mm said that i should try to get on television. she said ive got a television face and personality. we often joke about it. she says that if either if i ever become famous in the future i should invite her on my talk show, assuming that's what im famous for that is. she says i should become a comedian cum actor cum talk show host. we've even picked a name for the show: "naan with nandhini". maybe even feature segments for the asinine things that i do. it sounds all flash and glam but i think becoming a tv personality is way overrated. but maybe being a stage producer or script writer for comedies and sketch shows (like little britain only this time: little india) would be cool. someone behind the scenes, quietly and diabolically pulling the strings would be fun job to have. wait, maybe that's a politician. oh well, either way $.$ (enter: maniacal laughter)

MM, beta and i discussed becoming a politician as well. start our own political party and try and take over the world. im so often politically incorrect i don't think anyone would let me have any power if they can help it. for god forbid we actually see some reform eh? i was quite touched when they said they'd totally vote for me if i stood for a position. that's 2 votes i can count on for sure. lets try doing the math to see who's going to vote for me shall we? so we have a population of about 4 million right? 4 million-christians+beta-chinese+beta+MM-malays-indians=still 2. hmm. okay, so maybe the politician thing can be considered a shelved idea then eh? we'll revisit that in another life time perhaps.

with that i leave you with some almost philosophical questions: does the future exist? or is it an illusion? are we in a constant dream like state, wishing and willing the world to move in our minds? have evolution allowed our imaginations to control us so much that we make up these illusions of life and death for ourselves? of god and religion? are we really here or in an alternate dimension? or are we just finding ways to cope with what's really going out there? is the theory of life all a hoax? is the world we live in real? is the earth round or are we stuck in dimension that just makes us imagine everything as round (sun, planets, earth, eyes, boobies etc.)? or did i just spent last night re-watching the matrix trilogy back to back? do i lack sleep? am i talking cock? am i demented? maaaaaybe. okay so perhaps there's a reason my blog posts are so "mind boggling". everytime i write an entry im high on crack, sleep deprivation and/or glucose.

have a jolly good weekend mates. ive got to take a shower, eat lunch and do a year's worth of homework by 5. do you feel the dedication to my weekly blogging? huh? do ya? you better, fuckers! well, ive got to at least make a start on a few of those things before i leave at 5.

sitting, waiting, wishing

hi

i can never really pin point when i got so horrid at sports and other physical activities(except probably ahem). one cannot always blame genetics for everything though one feels much better after they do. what's even more disturbing though it isn't as surprising that i have always been the shitiest, to put it crudely, at team sports. it isn't enough that my body has the quick reflexes of fairly large retarded child but that annoying higher power that makes david blaine float has granted me with no skills whatsoever in working in teams. i would like to attribute my abilities (or lack thereoff) at sports to this fact: most sports if not all sports are played in teams. while this may explain my child hood prowess at swimming and the somewhat solo game of badminton (which some may argue is not a sport at all) it certainly does not explain why i so suck at team sports in particular. i can always link this to the fact that no one really likes me and only interact with me because they want to be my right hand man when i take over the world. that said im at even greater disadvantage due to the slightly excess baggage in the front. i always foolishly thought(rather hoped) that the laws of physics will somehow apply to negate the frontal baggage with the one at the back. like i said i was being foolish...

so aside from the fact that shit head god did not create all men and women to be equal, what else are my problems? yes pussies there certainly are more. since most sports that i've tried my hand in, through the aid of PE, are team sports, perhaps the underlying problems are more to do with the team part and less to do with the sports part. i can't honestly say that im the best team player there is out there, but ive always considered myself manageable. maybe we can even throw in some unorthodox leadership qualities. that is until, we come to the team sports bit. here's an example:

just yesterday we played softball, the cheap imitation of baseball. the "we" in this case being, the class from hell. so after the napfa training, something that most people don't need training for (proving a point here), the 'unfits'(as i shall now deem myself because it sounds cool for some personal nerdy reasons) are graciously allowed to join in the game. im quite sure i'll never be quite as horrendous at the game as if i had actually be briefed on the fucking rules of the game. i used a profanity here because i thought the paragraphs lacked the usual vulgarity peppered 'pizzazz' and because the rules were seriously so fucked up that this simpleton will never be, unfortunately, able to get it. in actual fact, even if i had been given an hour lecture and fully been tested on the theory of the game like i was going for a driving test, the practical would always fall short of what "people"(my classmates) expect. ah, but one of the pains of being a left-out outcast from an extraterrestrial planet is that the rules of sportsmanship do not apply (not that im a sports(wo)man). instead, this piece of poo is yelled at, and im almost sure cruelly ridiculed as well about her non-existent skills on the puny artificial softball pitch. dearest cyber-dwellers, do not pity me just yet...for i have more tales to tell...

one of the more famous sports that the class likes to partake in is floorball. this game, i find, is alot like hockey and well, sex. oh well maybe just the stick and balls part. i thought i might add that unnecessary detail from my mind at an attempt to disgust and throw you readers of guard. heh heh heh. oh where was i? oh right the stick and balls part. all this stiff schmuck has to do is use the stick and manouvre the ball and coax it into the net. height isn't really an issue, for those of you who're trying to be sympathetic and kind to my plight. why im bad at this simple and fairly easy to grasp game is besides me. can i just get away saying that my mind is above such trivial activities? alas, i confess my mind lingers away to the bus-ride home and how long it will take me to get back more often than it should when playing a "serious" sport. can i blame my class for this little nuance? hmm...close call. depression often preys on the lonely. nah...that was just a petty jibe at them for my own unhappiness (or is it? the sub conscience can reveal alot about one's suicidal tendencies).

ive quickly (alright can it really have been that quick if im still bitter about my sporting abilities?) learned within days of stepping into SAJC that the school pumps in more than required attention into sports. im led to believe that SA is the only school in which you can't enjoy your pre-prelim PE break unless you attained at least a silver for your NAPFA test. bitch would be the first word that comes to mind, but i think unreasonable bitch would be better suited for the deep annoyance i feel. especially when somewhere in the deep crevices of sajc there's a fucking standing broad jump mat that's left laughing precariously at the leaping hippo. where was i before i was out slicing my wrists? oh yeah, sajc tends to put an inhumane amount of emphasis on sports and shit. (what does it care whether i die of hypertension or drug overdoes? im not christian.) as a result my class has an "interesting" number of physically fit and enthusiastic sporting people. they all go for the ball without holding back, like savage animals. before i can even master (or get as close to it as possible for someone of my calibre) the ball is in and out of radius before one can say "pussy, get back here with my fucking ball". its a little like watching spastic mentally disabled children fighting for candy that's dropped onto the floor. or like that happy meal cum mcnuggets advertisment during the "kungfu panda" era. only this time the sticks they use look more lethal. the concept...still the same. strangely i understand the concept of football a little better. kick the ball seems so much easier at times like these.

another god forsaken ball game that my class tends to visit frequently is captain's ball. it can hardly be called a sport though. well, i don't see any Olympic matches for it, do you? so its agreed then...you can't move once you're in possession of the ball, you have to pass it on and the captain must catch the darn ball. normally the guys tend to dominate the game. fine by me. however, once in a while, the ball comes hurling in my direction (either out of the scarcity of choice or accidentally) out of the blue and little miss butter fingers here cannot catch a ball to save her life. especially when one sees PE as an opportunity to day dream about whipping out the good ol' machine gun to gun down every single christian soul that ever roamed SAJC. okay, beta gets an excuse for knowing the gun man i suppose (her reaction here would be the "thanks ah"). the rest are suitably lying at my feet. too far? i beg to differ mother fucker. when one has gotten somewhat moderately acquainted with my "skills" one tends to treat me as invisible full time even when im right in front of you. ah... i dream the day when the man will say: "okay class today we shall play badminton". and i will blow them all away with my lack of incompetence at something. its not much, but throw the eager dog a bone, why don't you?

so obviously im a total nincumpoop at sports and all sporting equipments are thingamajigs and thingamabobs to me. well...what can i do but blame it on genetics? my only wish right now is to have temporary frog legs to leap to a decent length on the stupid standing broad jump mat. maybe i should try the ask and you shall receive thing i learned today at church. heh heh heh. have i piqued your interests yet? the absolute agnostic atheist goes to church. enter: dramatic music and then me in a black cape.

we were supposed to go as a class and meet at the glass building outside the church for attendance, but then i really didn't want to because...i don't know why...don't think i need a reason either...i had a feeling they were looking around at me. angrily? with annoyance? well were they even looking at me in the first place? WTF. do i care? should i care? maybe they wanted to go as a class..strengthen our bonds and shit like that. well whatever, not everyone was in school and not everyone went with "the class". it was a moment of deep insecurity and doubt. my phrase for recovery (as contributed by friend mentioned in earlier post): you're invisible to them anywaywaywaywaywayway (echoes la, imagine can? dramatic effect see...)

twerps who go to SA would full well know that today was the SAJC prefect investiture day. it isn't really called that but i can't spell the other word for prefect and this sounds so much worse that i didn't want to honour it by de-nerdifying it. for some christian reason SA makes a big deal about prefects. yaaaaawn. in my well-valued opinion (don't even try of disproving it because, shitheads, YOU'RE READING MY FUCKING WEBLOG! case closed), its waaaaaaay to overrated. they sing when they enter, sing when they leave, they were probably asked to sing when they go poo poo kachoo too. normally i don't give a fuck whether you want to sing or not, but was really the annoying type of singing. you know the ones called "hymms" but in no way are you humming. its more like really high pitched voices echoing through the high ceilings of the St.Andrews Cathedral. it supposed to be majestic or some shit like that but it sounded like the crew of cats outside my house doing the nasty...commando style. or maybe i was just being cranky because they made me sit through preaching and stuff. i think we can all guess why my blog is more anti-christ than usual (these words were chosen really carefully).

met another "man of the lord" today. he told me that if i just accepted JC (jesus christ yo! get with the program homies! is there a reason im behaving a shade or two darker than i usually am? nope.............or is there? dramatic music: dang dang dang DANG) as my saviour he would deliver aaaaall my wishes. sho shanta clause will buring me chrisimas pwezzies zen maammy?? i don't think so fucker. he gave us an example of his mate(friend la, what you thinking?) getting what he wanted after he accepted JC into his heart (a muscular organ incapable of any thought, transports blood all over to the body. that was just for physics students. aren't i oh so very thoughtful?). guess what his friend asked for. a peace of mind, that's what. something so generic can be achieved through recreational drugs, therapy and/or getting out in the sun more often pussy. urgh! you just want to use a hammer to bash his head in, all in the name of doing him a favour by "knocking" some sense into him. alas, that's no use. he's too deep in the tangled web of lies (if it wasn't i'd be going to hell for what i was doing just now. what was i doing? good question... leave it your stalker imaginations shall we? or maybe i wasn't doing anything but just wanted my post to be more scandalous? ah but what if i was doing something and i just pretended i wasn't doing anything? its mind boggling fuckery everyone...TADA!)

so since i was so free, just sitting there in church trying to keep awake, i thought i might try a little experiment. with what, you ask? now that's a question that will reap answers. i was experimenting with the "ask and you shall receive" thingy he was talking about. and now i know its absolute crap and have singlehandedly disproved poppycock. yay. score one for the anti-christ. nil for Jesus Christ. finally a game i CAN win at. moving on...so i was just sitting there right:

"hey god i want flying unicorn to come crashing through the expensive tinted windows right....NOW" waiting....still waiting...never came. okaaaaaay. maybe it needs to be something simpler. after all, god's busy doing the jiggy with satan to produce more of us 'neutral man'.

"hey GOD (a little louder in my mind. after all what's god if he can't mind read. im in church for god's sake...quite literally), i want my shoe lace to come undone" wait...wait some more...i don't know what i was expecting. i was half expecting my shoelaces to magically float and come undone right before my bloody eyes. after all what a tiny miracle like this to him right? he made the fucking sea part. helloooo. maybe it needs to be something generic that any tom, dick, harry or court jester could do. one final try yeah. im all about 2nd chances. so here goes:

"hey GOOD holy all deserving God, father to the supposed saviour JC, can you please make me less bored like right now so i can stop doing this? as a bonus i'll even be less insulting and patronising to you? hmm? pretty please?" pause...wait...nothing happened...background: more singing. no suicide bombings. no evacuation signal. soooooo. lesson learnt: no such thing as god. damn you prick... tricked me again! one of these days im going to get you to join my cult and then we'll see who's your boss...

after that little wasted morning, beta, MM, allan, president and i went to eat lunch. expensive but value for money dim sum lunch. it was fun. laughed. not the "it wasn't that funny but i think i should humour you because you could dictate the rest of my 2 years sort of laughter", but really, under belly, cannot breath, my throat's going to rip, everyone can hear us sort. the mahjong table sort. highlight of lunch (sorry dude, gotta share man): guy came up to allan and asked him if he was gay probably a dare. funny because: he's not. even funnier because: he got annoyed. ate alot. drank alot...of tea. ate some more. paid alot. depleted $50 in 2-3 days. went home pooped and slept. i love half days. don't you? i'll bet you'd do too if you ate dim sum buffets. setback here: can't eat for the rest of the year. probably...maybe...well only if i get hungry...

random but not completely off topis thought: you know how that voluptuous female cooking show host, nigella, just devours artificially lit up food? i hate her. she eats all that lard and butter and where does it go? i'll tell you where, my dears. they strategically positions themselves in her boobies and ass so that she can reel in british billionaires. unfortunately, not all of us can devour the whole of england and hope that our vocabulary suddenly holds the descriptive powers of jane austen and 'luggage' which resembles jennifer lopez's. i, unfortunately, happen to fall in the 'unfortunate' category. anyone know where there's a good cliff i can jump off of? ah well...never mind. wouldn't work anyway, probably going to bounce right back up again. im watching her show right now. can you tell?

i think they're back. it was gone for a long time now, but they came back. they came back to me. i love my rambling skills...don't ever leave me again, my darlings...

me, my yoke and i

guten tag

i got a C for GP! yay! after moderation though. i took a test that someone emailed to me. one of those gazillion question ones. i did it and liked the results enough to post it. didn't really make me want to toss my laptop against the wall or anything.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||| 58% Stability |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Orderliness |||| 14% Accommodation |||||||||||||| 54% Interdependence |||||||||||||| 56% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Mystical || 10% Artistic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Religious || 10% Hedonism |||||||||||||||| 70% Materialism |||||||||||||| 56% Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Work ethic |||||| 23% Humanitarian |||||||||||||||| 70% Conflict seeking |||||||||| 36% Need to dominate |||||||||| 36% Romantic || 10% Avoidant |||||||||||| 43% Anti-authority |||||||||| 36% Wealth |||||||||||||||| 63% Dependency |||||||||| 36% Change averse |||||| 23% Cautiousness |||||| 30% Individuality |||||||||||||| 56% Sexuality |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||| 63% Family drive || 10% Physical Fitness |||| 16% Histrionic |||| 16% Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56% Vanity |||| 16% Honor |||||||||||||||| 63% Thriftiness |||||||||||||||||||| 90%

take note of the low scores and the high ones. some took me by surprise...the sexuality one(ahem ahem ahem), the work ethic one, the stability one and the need to dominate one. no need to force yourself to do the test if you don't want to. so no tags yeah...

BYOB

good evening

i thought that i might get a break this weekend but seems like its going to be uber shitty. the better part of saturday will be on an outing for the racial harmony day assignment (which i think is an absolute farce, but more about that on racial harmony day i think). then in the evening got to go visit my maternal granny. that's always a nightmare, particularly the maternal bit. then on sunday ive got tuition in the evening. tuition doesn't suck balls so much if not for the fact that there's additional homework to be done on top of tutorials. i already don't do my tutorials and my tutorials, unfortunately, don't do themselves. would be great though, wouldn't it? imagine waking up one one morning to find that the homework elves paid a visit. alas, one can only hope. today's chapel was great. no, im not pulling a fast one here. it really was. it was done in a jiffy. i didn't even make it to the point where i contort my face trying to make eye contact with the pastor just so i can flip him off. it was done before i could even start rolling my eyes. i think ive reached a point in my life in sa where anything that doesn't make me wince, deserves a parade. its really much better to bring expectations to sub-degree freezing level, where any improvement at all is still an improvement to be appreciated. i've learnt to put up with a lot of the crap that sajc dishes out to me like hors d'oeuvre. its quite sad really. well...let's look on the bright side. im Jesus AND Buddha. yay. oh did i mention? fridays are 'bring your own bomb' day at sajc. i completely forgot! damn you Allah!!! never remind me...

nearing the end of the day, we received back our econs common test. all of my h2 subjects got a whiff of the rancid castrated carcass of failure. its not as bad as allan's triple U but USS is still nothing to flaunt. whooooopsie. time to buck up. its like an annoying alarm ringing in my ear. only there isn't a snooze button this time. still, amidst all my brainy bitching, fridays are almost impossible to hate. for one thing, its the end of the week and the beginning of the weekend. 2 whole days that i don't have to see the insides of sajc AND my classmates? its like christmas at the end of every god forsaken fucking week. let me at em'.

here's a little prelude before i actually get to the point, i think i do this for better flow. i forget: almost all the best comedies, in my opinion, come from britain. they seem so prim and proper, that is, until they make their comedies. their toilet humour and completely asinine sketch shows crack me up. hard to imagine? well, that's how good it is. they never fail to send me into painful fits of laughter that causes my body to go into spasms and get acquainted with the floor. i know ive got a seriously fucked up sense of humour(blame the government...just because...). let's get used to it, shall we?

i'll close this post with a video of a "doctor who"(british tv show, could you stoned wasters just google it yourself and save me the trouble of explaining? please and thank you.) spoof. i assure you, you're going to shit your pants when you see this. staring 'David Tennant' (cross dressing) as the companion and 'unknown guy' as the doctor. David Tennant has an extraodinarily innate ability to temporarily nuke my knee caps from its sockets. be it playing the bespectacled star trekkish nerd, doctor who or cross dressing as a female, he turns me into a puddle of come EVERY SINGLE TIME. what power he holds over my very existence. maybe its the incredibly fuckable scottish accent? (that's my new thingy recently. scottish men. hmm. peculiar. although, scottish men will always have to take a back seat when it comes to english men.) those of you who have no fucking clue as to WHO im going on about, David Tennant is the doctor in "doctor who" and barty crouch jr. in harry potter and the goblet of fire. google him or something for maximum pleasure from the video.



have a jolly good laugh mates. its friday night. those destined spinsters sitting at home huddled in front of your laptops, lurking over other people's blogs and clicking the refresh button every 5 minutes waiting for an update, well...here it is... im really not one to talk since im the one updating it-.-'''

strawberry swing

hi

the following passage contains random and verbal diarrhea that has spawned from many deliriously ecstatic feelings. i am not completely responsible for any emotive children's suicide caused from reading the cheery, joyful and merry recount of my very recent past.

i had nothing to blog about these few days. after youth day, it became a pretty slow week. like really really really slow. so slow that i need three reallies? yes, that slow. lots of homework (new and old) to do by friday. there's still 2 days left and procrastination rears its ugly head once again. heh heh heh. did i mention im incredibly happy? well i am. so happy that i'd be compelled to feel responsible for sending many suicidal children to an early grave? that's right. hallelujah! praise the lord! never thought you'd see the day, did you?

went to joo chiat road today for some photography thingy. it wasn't as hyped as it usually was mainly because everyone was knackered from school and were dying to go back home. towards the end i got hungry and cranky too.' got my dad to come pick me up. the other nerd herders hitched a ride to the bus stop. my dad said he'd come and 6 but he only came at 6.30 so we spent an an hour drifting around joo chiat road. we went into a pet shop and looked at puppies. i love puppies. puppies love me. babies...not so much. they were incredibly cute and attentive. then we just hung out by the road side like half arsed delinquents. not really committing crime, but not displaying respectable behaviour either. took more pictures to pass the time while waiting for my dad. i already had the pictures i wanted to send for the competition so i just mucked about.

hunger really doesn't help my disposition at all. i was cranky and got quite pissed at my dad for being so late. honestly, it took him ages. we waited some more in mr. bean and then he finally came in his yellow van, honked and pulled up at a car park. we clambered in. he was quiet, polite and not embarrassingly chippy at all. after we dropped the rest off, he turned the music up, increased his speed and took one hand of the steering wheel.

me: you had work late?
him: no, why?
me: waited so long...
him: came from jurong east. wait really long ah?

jurong east to joo chiat=really far. i really felt bad for having so many many negative hateful thoughts about his tardiness (yes, i have a conscience fat fucks). seemed a little petty since he came all the way to pick me up and give my friends a lift. plus he was concerned over the fact that i was waiting really long. yup. did he really know how to make me feel like a total bitch or what?

me: not really that long. needed to fill up forms and stuff anyway.

it is moments like this that make me realise that my parents have really brought me up with shocking irresponsibility. my parents suck at their biological job. honestly, i have so many manufactural flaws! im so pampered and i really almost always get what i want. i don't need to insist or work for any of my rewards. my dad just showers me with gifts and presents for no apparent reason (other than my awesomeness) at all. i have 2 sisters and i think i may very well be the most spoiled(or so im told by my mum). they're not rich. well if they were, im sure they aren't anymore.

here it comes. the blast of skittle coloured rainbow, unicorns, butterflies, fat bunnies and mating animals. the annoying happy part: im undesrvingly fortunate when it comes to getting stuff. and im not saying it because im being modest. on the contrary, im flaunting my new stuff. i hate myself (i don't really, not today at least). i need to bury myself and die (actually its quite clear im ecstatic, i shouldn't be such an obnoxious arsehole). im very aware of this fact, but annoyingly, i lack any resistance at all. i can't (well, really rather not) say no. i don't need it. i really didn't want it until you mentioned it. oooh im absolutely horrid!

exhibit A: 2 days ago, we were at the bike shop to fix a puncture on the bike. (i look at a sleek black bike that had a vague but distinct semblance to my motorola v3 phone)

me: ooooooh, this is nice(ssssss)....(i drag the words for emphasis)
dad: nice ah? you want it? aunty this one (points) how much ah?
me: ---------silence---------
aunty (maybe aunty to me, but surely not to my dad): $245
dad: you wait here ah... i draw money and come...
me:-----------waits----------

20 minutes later: ive got a brand new killer bike. we're going to test it out at the coastline on saturday afternoon.

exhibit B: today, in the car after dropping the kiddies off. we're chatting about the outing.

dad: so what did you do while waiting for me?
me: oh we went to the pet shop. well more like a dog shop. there were cute little puppies. i think the owner was breeding. there was a fat white one. and then a litter of 5. there were also two really fat(i clearly like obese, blubbery mammals) cute ones that were not as active as the rest. and then there was this another uber cute one that was a husky. and then there was this two siblings who were lying on top of each other while sleeping...(rambles on and on and on)
dad: i was thinking of getting a puppy for you and ****(that's my younger sister, suha's name)
me: -------silence--------
dad: what do you think?
me: yay! really...can ah? when? not tricking me right? why suddenly? yay! really...can ah?
dad: we can go to that shop after the renovations on the house are over. where is it?
me: along the road you fetched me from...(15 minutes later) so...when will the renovations be over?
dad: (chuckles)

i think im going to get a dog in 2 weeks. the following weekend after this coming one. just another story about a girl and her dog. aren't i really weak willed? i don't fucking care. i thought i should, but then i really don't. why should i? he was offering me a dog!!! i still feel a smidgen of guilt because i didn't even do well in the common tests. it was a train wreck, a disaster waiting to happen. i don't deserve ANY gifts. but hello hello: its a puppy!!! i really really really love dogs. ive wanted one ever since i watched my first air bud movie. im such a loser to get so excited over something so stupid. fuck cares. im getting a dog. neh neh neh neh poo poo. jealous allan? well, you should be.

seems a little late in my youth to get a dog an be so excited about it. if i was 12, i would put up pictures of all the puppies i would like to have. since im 17, ive grown a little more mature. here's a link instead (what... did you really think i was going to waste all that time looking for pictures and posting them up?): http://www.nextdaypets.com/directory/dogs/dog_picture/

3 cheers for random posts that make no sense, hip hip (hooray) hip hip (hooray) hip hip (hooray). this post is really stupid. blogging for the sake of blogging kind of post. pales in comparison to those painfully unhappy, cut my wrist, let's cry, let's die, my life sucks balls, the government is trying to take over the world posts. maybe my writing skills are only active when im depressingly suicidal? hmm maybe... on the bright side, it has more "daddykins conversations" you sentimental shitters seem to love blah blah blah...(the last three words were completely unnecessary but i was trying to show the fine line between those three words and the entire post. a very complicated chim way of saying im abusing the blog and its readers as an outlet for my gooey marshmallowy feelings. clearly its like im on crack when im happy. maybe that's why its a rare phenomenon. oh the joys. the flurry of warmth my cold and icy heart is in is almost indescribable. the only way to say it is: im a crackpot. its like im on crack crack crack weed crack marijuana crack pot pot pot pot pot crack weed weed weed ecstasy marijuana. woohoohoohooooo.

well cockers, i think we've all learned a VERY VALUABLE lesson today. something to take with you wherever you go in life. i mean it guys, it's super duper important. fundamentals really. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE GETTING PRESENTS FOR NO APPARENT REASON! GIVE ME STUFF FOR ME TO BE HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY. its almost as good at cocaine, weed, snorting sugar, ecstacy or any other drug. have a bloody good rest of the week plonkers. wishing you all (fine, not ALL) well from my happy state. treasure it because you're not seeing it again in a long time.
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beautiful mind

konichiwa

im pretty relaxed right now. especially this week. the lecture time table was incredibly easy going as im sure many will agree. skipping classes, late for school, not coming to school at all etc. all in a day's work. one of the reasons for the incredibly empty time table is was because of the marking of papers. and the other was "college day" that was looming at the end of the week. that's today(or rather yeaterday). for those aware of my annoyingly unenthusiastic outlook on school events, you can probably guess how it went. but it wasn't a completely barren day. i did have fun despite the constant urge to head on back home. for the most part, the anti-SA gang just congregated at the dark room and abused the glories of internet for our own nasty pleasures. we read a few of our own blogs, and i came to a revelation that my blog isn't as lonely as i thought it was. it seems there maybe actually be secret stalkerish lurkers out there, reading my verbal diarrhea uninvited. like you for instance. please la...leave a comment, i must know what to say and what not to say right? or maybe that's exactly why you aren't making yourselves known eh? hmm...peculiar.

all in all the highlight of the day was taking a grotesque pleasure in mocking a certain twig-like creature that came in a package of faded blue jeans, black emotive rock shirt, spiked wristband and gelled hair. come on, you know who im talking about! that thwart who took part in saints idol of course. you know...sang(or rather completely destroyed) a song by the fray, had an odd project superstar (asinine cheena reality show, probably inspired by american idol) air about him, awkward stance that made him look as constipated as he sounded, bent his knees looking ready to pounce on us...ah yes, that's him. mocking him was an absolute joy to my cruel but dormant humour. sajc has nothing on crescent or acjc when it comes to fun fairs and fests, but you do find the occasional wannabe type twerps mucking about, solely existing to be humiliated and made fun off by yours truly. to be fair, i may very well be one of those twerps...oh dear, where the fuck did i leave that rusty blade that im probably going to contract gangrene from?

a ton of things have happened since yesterday and today all you stalkerish lurkers have the privilege of reading about it, right here on Phantom Limb. yesterday when i skipped school because of a "migraine", i sat at my computer the whole day and spent it doing the most pleasing of things over the net(no, not porn arse fuckers). beta came online at 2 and we argued over religion, particularly christianity, until about 6.30. whenever we do this we never really come to an agreement, only an unsaid understanding that we've agreed to disagree. i like this arrangement well, where im not forced to see things her way, but still get to know the inner workings of other people's life style practices.

the human race is so completely unaware and purposely oblivious to alot of things. i totally love to know things, things that otherwise take up wasted space in my brain. it highly entertaining and amusing. sometimes i forget things i want to remember and remember things better of forgetting. [im aware that this sentence sounded a lot like i was cutting my wrist, gorging on chocolate fudge brownies and ice-cream and crying eyes out while listening to carrie underwood. im not, and let me finish before you form such a permanent picture in your mind] im referring to things like forgetting chem definitions during common test vs. remembering tiger wood's real name (which is Eldrick Tont Woods by the way). completely and utterly useless information taking up free space.

watching human behaviour is as intriguing as it is ugly. thought provoking and utter mind fuckery, i say. from what ive learnt so far (from up my judgmental high horse) is that there's never really a right answer but there's almost always a wrong one. what ive experienced so far in my 17 years is that the glass is never half empty. rather, its half full...of venom. you can probably see why some would attempt to kill me at first available opportunity[just so you know plonkers, i never go camping and lock my room door when i sleep. yeah...seriously deep seated trust issues shoved up my arse...]. im so fucking opinionated and hard to stop once i start. ive come to terms with that fact and you bloody well should.

beta got annoyed with me for having so many stereotypes of christians, but then again she knows that no one is spared from my merciless slander. she did a psychoanalysis on me and came to the conclusion that my longstanding feud with christianity has deeper meaning than simply because that i think religion's poppycock. she said i have painted a general picture of christians based on the extreme cases that i have witnessed (first hand, might i add). it made sense. and i agreed. coming to SA has made my stand on religion more ambiguous than before.

preaching and praying is becoming a daily routine. it stopped being an interesting culture shock after the first week. now it makes me totally want to break out the machine guns. and then there are those drifters on the street selling their religion and starting a brand new economy for it. you see...to me: if your religion sets you loose out on the streets with the purpose of finding new souls to "save" on a valuable sunday morning that you could be spending nursing a mug of milo with your family, your religion has some serious cult-like issues to deal with. i wouldn't want anything to do with that. i would rather have my head gnawed on by savage field of rats. then again, beta has led me to believe that its isn't their religion that's totally bonkers (well, it is, but which one isn't eh?), but rather the individual church/entity that's insane. it depends on whether your entity wants you to recruit souls, re-evaluate yourself or bomb buildings etc. the purpose of each church varies. while what i've experienced may have easily been the majority, it could very well represent a minority as well.

stereotypes are incredibly accurate sometimes. what we must realise (im saving my arse here) is that stereotypes are not entirely groundless, just exaggerations. they're made based on observations, study of regular patterns and behavioral similarities. admit it, chinese people speak as though they're chopping vegetables, the indian girl sitting next to smells like coconut oil, that malay guy probably belongs to a gang outside school, that jewish girl has a huge nose, that muslim guy probably thinks terrorisms just arise out of "misunderstandings" and christians totally don't see any reason that goes against the bible. come on! its one book. one book that you eat, sleep, live by. its accuracy and origins were awfully shady to begin with.

so that said, im not going to stop having them. its a way to learn and study life. its general assumptions made from first hand observations. alas, its also a way to understand an ever so complex world with a truckload of variables and unknowns, even constants evolve in the long run. nothing is permanent and this drives me wild, there's a never any room for a single set of logical rule. its like DNA, varied at every turn of the generation. hence, i feel compelled to watch, absorb and mock. try it. if for no other reason, try it for fun. because it jolly well is.

because of my never ending need to watch and study subjects, specimens and life, i was invited to church activities for a gander at the spectacle. the miniature mutated idiot stuck in my head tells me to tell my dad. for imaginative purposes, my father vaguely resembles santa clause, except he's brown and lacks a beard...fine, this is easier: he's fat with a beer belly. happy?

daddykins: WHAT?!

me: yeah, my friend asked me to come along since i apparently very ignorant about their teachings.

daddykins: WHAT?!

me: yeah, church. seemed like a fun idea. just to go and see the inner workings if for nothing else.

daddykins: CHURCH?!

me: yeah. church.

daddykins: CHURCH?!

me: you have to say something else for me to effectively continue this conversation, pa.

daddykins: WHY?!

me: its just to go look around. its more like a school trip, maybe learn something. i was invited and it could be highly amusing.

daddykins: (long pause, trying to phrase his words. his face contorts painfully trying to think of the best way to persuade me not to go. adorable.)

me: i wasn't going to go anyway, my other friend wouldn't accompany me see. (better put him out of misery before be bursts a vessel)

daddykins: (relief spreads across his face) oh is it? you know ah...this kind of thing ah...usually when they invite you ah..its to try to brainwash you and convert you. they're trying to soften you brain up and prey on you...only those people with a weak mind will be susceptible to their persuassion. (notice dad switched to singlish when he wants to get through to me or persuade me see his way, he thinks its less domineering and more relatable; he obviously doesn't realise i use the exact same trick on him...many more times before, apple doesn't fall far from the tree eh?)

me: do you think im so stupid that i would sign up for something so absolutely unfeasible until i see some proof? they're going to have to show me the sea part before i hand over my e mail address and phone number. what a dumbass thing to even suggest.

dadddykins: (ignores the vibrant language) i don't know mah you see...maybe you are weak (there's that word again) minded i never know...you see ah you are still young, your mind hasn't developed and fully formed yet...the brain ah is like that one...very easily bullied into thinking a certain way...especially at this age.

me: (smirk) oh really? you mean like what you're doing now?

daddykins: (flabbergasted, recovers, chuckles) so smart already ah? (slaps me on my back)

me: i hope you know, im agnostic atheist (i like to reaffirm my stand on religion with him so he doesn't force me to do anything i don't care for). i would faster become a doormat than christian.

daddykins: you know ah...(nibbles on chocolate cake) you want some?

me: (takes a bite)

daddykins: you know ah...hinduism is a lot like agnostic atheism?(you don't say...) you see ah many years ago, when hinduism first came about...(finishes of the last of his cake to keep his mouth clear of any obstacles and embarks on a very long (long) conversation involving more mind fuckery)

me: (patronises him by listening in for pauses and making the respective sounds; ironically i still gain some insight in my own way, even with all that agnostic atheism up my crack)

we walk out the kitchen and settle down on the sofa. he talks for the next hour. i don't bother explaining to him what agnostic atheism actually is. he doesn't really want to know and nor am in the mood to explain. one encounter with my dad and you'd realise where i get all my oratorical skills, where my warped views come from and how i got to be the very epitome of awesome. you should meet my sister.

and that, my dear internet stalkers, is the end to another long post. isn't the ipod thingy at the side cool?? i put in 30 songs, 29 work. the ones by feist are my current favourites, have a quick listen. coldplay album is still awaiting download. hope you guys had a good 4th of july and college day! i notice all my posts gravitate towards religion, christianity and government. oh well, too many out there supporting it, someone has to neutralise and bring in perspective...

in between two states

hello one and all

i have just came head to head with the most ironic of situations. we received our math results yesterday and chem results today. my chem got a whiff of the fermenting piss that my math left behind. alas, the subject i studied most for is the one to get an U. i wonder what will happen if this becomes a pattern...hmm...my math has no doubt(my tuition fees are being paid for in sterling pounds) been upgraded to a sub-pass (that's the grade they invented for those could have passed if they weren't missing their other half of their brains during the test). i can't really see myself feeling any particular joy for the upgrade as the average will still be an U, but the improvement made has been duly noted. i have given up on lit. what i once considered a shoe in, may not be so after all. i have always considered my ever so pessimistic mind a gift for the art of lit, after all most poets suffered enough trauma to kill themselves or became life's "little porn star bitch" to exploit. it was probably how they got into spending their sunday mornings in a closet writing poems about what an insane plonker life is. alas, not all poems are written as an alternative to killing themselves, ive discovered. that discovery came too late, after common test. well excuse me for taking the poem they tested us with so draftily. the poem was about how a mother loved her child so much so that she couldn't believe it was her spawn. i interpreted it as: she so wants to fucking eat her child. 'let's write that down, genius.' honestly what was i thinking. that basically sums up the fact that im screwed.

for those of you who want to know what a "wanker" is (i know my creative and colourful language isn't always understood): its actually someone who delivers a hand job, i mean that in fully sexual context. use it wisely folks.

today i was reading the june issue of the prospect and here's today's fun fact: clinton "tighs of steel" figurines and other clinton goods are going at half price. here's a perfect example of how economics and politics overlap. whoopfuckidydee. the article also made me speculate that clinton female supporters may not vote after all, and that obama has a weaker chance of winning against mccain that clinton did. well well well, sodding americans have done it once again. they just come with the built in knowledge on how to turn everything into tabloid trash. if they used their god given pea sized brain fully, they would know that they should vote based on what they want their country to stand for and which policies they want carried though. bloody cock suckers should vote for whom the country will benefit from most. rather they shame their country by voting for who has a black dick, who has a white dick or who added a snatch to the mix.

DO NOT READ ON. contains material unsuitable for Christians, children under 16, big babies over 16 and my parents.

that said, its time for some feminism. while im not a hard core feminist, i wouldn't pass up an opportunity to take a jab at the male population. today while analysing the play, Othello, i was reminded what my stand for feminism was: as long as there are egoistical sexist male chauvinistic pigs around, there would forever be a need for ball crunching feminist women. misogynist men will constantly require their feminist females to restore the intended balance and equality of democracy and all that liberty bullshit we adopted from our western counterparts. my stand on this is quite simple and direct. equality for everyone (except me. because im god. obviously). however, there are some things that part of me will always view the male population with some disdain and contempt. just try and pry me of this high horse. come on, i dare you...

1) the penis. its gross and ugly (don't ask me how i know, i just do). the years of evolution has done absolutely nothing for the aesthetic aspects of the male genitalia. i finally see the reason why premarital sex is not encouraged. you want to frighten the poor girl on her wedding night with the monstrosity that is the dick. its grotesque colour and other physical attributes such as the texture are hardly drool-worthy. evident thick veins run through the muscular tube. its hardly something men should flaunt or have, even for reproductive purposes. no woman should ever have to be subjected to something so putrid inside her. its enough to partially disorient anyone. and then there's the foreskin. its actually very unhygienic to have it. it should be cut at an early age for it harnesses bacteria and other viruses. this is called circumcision and is practiced by muslims and jews. for once, they've got the right idea. with so many evident flaws how is one to successfully enjoys certain aspects of a relationship at all? how is a man to be ever respected? here's a discomforting thought: your dad, brother, uncle and local transvestite all have one, effective ones. the existence of a penis just disinherits all respect ive forced myself to build up after those painful primary school years. they all have one and in the comfort of their rooms, they use it to masturbate. that's right, they play with their plonkers. they fiddle with their fiddle. their magic wa...alright alright, you get the idea. we all do it. its just much much more gross when they do.

2) if you have a retard for a child, blame it on daddy. no seriously, its his fault. go right ahead and put the blame on him and enjoy a guiltless cup of tea. a quick (okay, not so quick) lesson in biology would reveal that its the mutated sperm that causes spastic children. not the mummy fault at all. the egg has one perfectly good X chromosome and just waits to be fertilised. its the male sperm that carries an empty gene or a mutated one and betrays its eagerly waiting chromosome counterpart. HAH. the sex of you child is also determined by the sperm. HAH. no longer can the female be blamed for EVERYTHING that goes wrong with the spawn. well, genetically at least. the x-chromosome is the single most important gene for life. life cannot even begin without it. you can still have a mentally stunted daughter(well really just a piece of walking meat type of thing, XO type cell forms instead) without the y-chromosome. for some strange reason i feel like jumping up and down on my bed and yelling "neh neh, neh neh, poo poo" in an annoyingly sing songy voice. i suppose deep (deep) down, we know the equality thing is an absolute farce. really. woman were (and are) meant to rule the world if not for the fact that we're sad, sappy and emotional fucking morons who bleed out of our genitals. now now women, i don't totally have such a negative view of us. come now, we're all somewhat demi-gods. being life-givers and all really elevates us to a near divine status, you know. no worries, just a minor setback... in conclusion, its really almost always the one with dangling genitals' fault.

3) ever heard the phrase "men are better at everything"? i completely agree. men ARE better at everything. from spacial reasoning to the art of cooking, men have topped all the fields. even the areas witch woman supposedly reign supreme are no doubt dominated mercilessly by men. men have won more nobel prizes than women, men are better cooks, men make better engineers, men even make better hairstylists. that's all true. but i would like to grant the credit for their most exemplary and not to mention evident superiorities to women. for you see, researchers have finally made a breakthrough discovery. 300 estimated million years ago the y-chromosome finally took its place amongst the elements of reproduction. how was the y-chromosome suddenly formed, you ask? alas, the y-chromosome is a mutated gene of the x-chromosome. hence, it is half in size as the base of the x-chromosome flattened out due to reasons such and genetic mutation. the odd but rapidly spread mutated x-chromosome is what was later identified and named as the y-chromosome. for you see, even the y-chromosome that leads to a male's superior attributes eventually came from women. the catch is that the gene is an imperfect and mutated form of its female counterpart. well guys, overcome by the sudden urge to take a shower? you're all a MUTATIONS of FEMALES. MUAHAHAHA. for those adamant to see reason and are against theories of evolution and continue to believe in god, adam and eve: lick my candy arse. i still stand by the theory that man is a mutation of women. the june issue of 'biology insights' makes an ever so compelling argument (proof that im not just yapping gibberish). for those who don't wish to see reason just yet, read it. so are men really better at everything? yes they so fucking are. in fact, men are even better at being women.

*of course i shan't rule out other possibilities. my argument is also based on the assumption that men are solely represented and defined as and by the y-chromosome that causes the production of testosterone and different brain development in them (there could very well be other undiscovered factors that i dare you to unearth); and vice versa for women.

with that, i conclude with equality for all (not really in the mood for a law suit). for one can no longer sustain life without the other. our only biological purpose of life shan't be fulfilled without the other sex. a symbiotic relationship on every level i say. even if the penis is gross and ugly and distorted and looking at it is like acid being sloshed at my pee hole, there are some undeniable pleasures derived from it. im sure that as many complaints as you men may have with women, you'd throw them straight out the 15th story window as long as you can get into bed with one. after all said and done, its only animal instinct that rules supreme over wankers and plonkers. we're governed by our respective crotches not our brains(however different evolution may cause them to be, underlying driving factors are still the same.)

"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city."-Proverbs (ch. XVI, v. 32)

that said, no one's holding you at gun point to read my blog. now now, listen to the bible kiddies. one mustn't be begrudgingly angry and should take things with a pinch of salt. (i just looked up at my ceiling to see whether Zeus or God or some almighty Satan-like creature was going to smite me down with a lightning rod for abusing the bible to support my god forsaken blog in its disclaimer. heh heh heh. nothing happened. phew.) HAPPY 1st OF JULY.