whoozy.
throb throb throb.
brain throbs. throbs.
paces with my heart beat.
faster faster faster.
warm shower.
still throbs. nap...
and it throbs.
dream. sweet dream. bitter dream.
alarm nukes brain.
memory wiped clean.
dinner. indian festival.
sweet rice. sour rice. harbinger of throbs.
pills! popping pills! pop them pills!
pop. pop.
throb. pop.
pop. pop. pop.
vitamin c.
panadol.
sudafed.
time!
TIME!
literature homework.
do! do!
think! throb! can't think!
DO!
home remedies.
useless as homeopathy. and bush.
cyniscism. an omen.
thick sour saliva.
excretes in mouth. gushing from back teeth!
wave of sour saliva!
stomach clenches!
run! toilet! sink!
(must remove stopper. invisible post.)
sour slow dripping.
thick saliva. we meet again.
twice.
thrice.
and it comes. it comes...
oh how it comes!
it came.
wait.
stop. listen.
throb throb throb!
remember me? hello, dinner.
puddle of myself. mocking me!
silence. sobs. sniffles. gag.
breath. breath. breath.
condolences and concern. snap!
get out! i yell! i swear!
fingers white as sink.
no contrast.
bleeding lip.
blood peaking from a crack.
indentation.
creeping from a creek.
bleed lip bleed. mock me!
suck lip. sink teeth in, white impressions.
similarly. perfectly. aligned...
a reflection of myself. gag.
slide tongue over,
lip. lick.
scrape.
more blood gushes.
lick. swallow.
lump in my throat.
swallow.
friction... friction!
water! water!
water...
constituent of puke.
dad. peaks in.
school tomorrow. don't go.
kindness hurts...
self pity evelops.
nod. throb. lie on bed.
THROB! reminder.
miracle oil.
head and throat.
belly and chest.
axe away at the discomfort,
trusty axe oil.
fingers cold. exercise warms.
type fingers! type!
laptop balances on belly.
flat for once.
i mope. jello on bed.
disappear.
disappear into the familiar depression.
warm... weep... wipe...
MSA! leap! jump!
THROB!
no school tomorrow.
lie back.
lie. with her. on her.
LIT! must finish!
rice croons...
sleep, don't weep...
light on. must off.
bed depression and me, UHU glued...
groan... moan...
close eyes.
sexed up cats.
open.
must remember.
kill them with slipper.
close...
orange not black.
spots. sphychedelic pink orbs.
green flashes.
zip and zoom.
light! off! off!
note to self:
master art of mind-control...
half dazed. half dream.
peaceful darkness...
light off?!
YES!! mind control?!
at last!
alas...
only sweet suha.
selfless saviour.
ravaging guilt...
must apologise.
tomorrow...
coke for the soul
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
the battle of evermore
im completely willing to entertain the idea of a god. that's where the agnostic part comes in see. if there was a god...
i bet god was damn happy to create us. he gave us dinosaurs, a brain, rainbows, sunsets, puppies, rain etc. so many pretty pretty things. i can just picture a really flamboyant gay guy in his spandex, head band and smoking a weed pipe just going crazy with imagination. animals the size of peas and animals the size of trees. animals that could fly and animals that could swim. animals to eat and animals to shag. animals to raise and animals to shoot. and when he was done he gave us the ultimate survival kit: the earth.
it has so many many many cool things about it. everything about is so balanced. so round-ish. so colourful. it looks like a gumball and has other gumball neighbours for us to look at and spy on when we're bored with our own gumball. and god gave us cool mysteries to solve and little games to play and fiddle with. see he figures it'd give our brains something to do. is the earth round? or is it flat? it looks flat... but if it was, where does all that water go?
i bet god was damn happy to create us. he gave us dinosaurs, a brain, rainbows, sunsets, puppies, rain etc. so many pretty pretty things. i can just picture a really flamboyant gay guy in his spandex, head band and smoking a weed pipe just going crazy with imagination. animals the size of peas and animals the size of trees. animals that could fly and animals that could swim. animals to eat and animals to shag. animals to raise and animals to shoot. and when he was done he gave us the ultimate survival kit: the earth.
it has so many many many cool things about it. everything about is so balanced. so round-ish. so colourful. it looks like a gumball and has other gumball neighbours for us to look at and spy on when we're bored with our own gumball. and god gave us cool mysteries to solve and little games to play and fiddle with. see he figures it'd give our brains something to do. is the earth round? or is it flat? it looks flat... but if it was, where does all that water go?
and once we've figured out the earth is, in fact round and that we orbit the sun (not the other way around)... the mystery doesn't end there. there are so many more questions and clues... well if it was round, why aren't we falling off? and tada! gravity! you know what? god's secretly a snobby genius. showing off all that superpower...
there's so many pretty awesome things going on... solar eclipses (coming to singapore 26th jan 2009), lunar eclipses, rain (fascinates me to no end), hurricanes, earthquakes, tonadoes, hot air rises-cold air sinks, north pole-south pole, the 4 seasons... so many many things that are so fucking ingenius that you want to TAKE OVER THE PLANET AND PROD IT LIKE YOU WOULD A FISHBALL WITH A CHOPSTICK. urgh its frustrating to die not knowing everything. i seriously want to become a giant so that that i can play and pick apart the earth to know its wondrous and fascinating secrets. maybe its like a ferrerro rocher. layer after layer. what is it about round things that you want to put it in your mouth??
if there was a god, i want him to take me on a tour on his magical sleigh pulled along by flying reindeers (whoops. that's father christmas.). god would be my tour guide, and he'd show me all the cool gizmos he came up with and explain them to me. i think it'd be even more fascinating if all he was now was one giant humungous brain sitting in a tub (henry sugar?) only cared for by a phychic caretaker who could read minds but was blind, deaf and mute so she can't tell anyone. and this huge brain needed to be bathed with a special solution so that its still fresh and alive. what if this special solution was rare and expensive?? i hope the phychic girl has cash! well if she lived in britain she could get welfare. or she gets insurance for her disabilities. hope her parents got her some eh?
OR if god was a SHE. even more splendid. we could have girl-talk and buzz ideas of each other. i'd talk to her about changing the aesthetic aspects of men's genitals and maybe get myself a new nose. or at least give my kids a better one... she'd totally understand where im coming from... actually its most plausible if god didn't have a gender. if he did, then he could just procreate and make an even more superior species than us. oooh maybe he has already. we were the test subjects see. and there's a utopia somewhere out there made with the perfected fomula, hidden away from us... a perfect place with no drought and famine. everybody would have perfect genetics and would look like movie stars. people would work because they liked it, not because they need money. they wouldn't need currency. god would have made them all so happy and perfect that they would all be the ideal communists. sharing caviar, blue cheese and wine. in that case... no fair. i wanna migrate.
who knows. maybe god died. *gasp* it has been billions of years. im sure if there was a god, he'd get bored sooner or later. maybe he didn't see the need to stick around. maybe he thought we're fine on our own and decided to OD on coke. who knows? after all he wouldn't have many friends. if he did, im sure as soon as he created earth, all his friends turned on him, no longer seeing him as their equal... but as GOD, as a leader rather than a friend. oooh oooh maybe WE were his friends but once he revealed to us that he made everything, WE turned against him too. maybe we killed him in disbelief. OR god felt lonely because no one would talk to him anymore. it became a political mindgame around him. maybe that's how war started, people fighting over who wants to be his best friend (paris hilton style). and he could no longer bear to live with us after feeling guilty for starting war. his girlfriend left him too (she didn't want to have superbabies). she eloped with the stables keeper leaving god devastated and lovelorn. he had no choice but to invent drugs and alcohol and drown his sorrows, and henceforth, all men's sorrows in them.
or it could be that god got intoxicated on power and began dictating everyone and cheating on his gf. he is a genius after all. in my experience, geniuses are usually SNAGs with girly voices or total dicks. maybe a dinosaur ate him. yeah... he created things he couldn't control and things sort of started to spiral out of his capabilities. he saw a dinosaur and decided he wanted to shag it... for... fun. and the dinosaur got mighty pissed and ate him and god was alright with it see. he's a cool guy. very laid back. he knew he made a mistake with all them dinos and so, just before he died he killed off all the dinosaurs and let evolution take its course... hmm... that one made the least sense. if he could kill of dinosaurs why let himself get eaten? clearly no thought went into this one.
aha! god could be a super nerd. with a super computer. a mac probably. he could be playing sims with us right now... or he did play, but invented a new game (battle star galactica) and forgot all about us. hence, all the poverty and famine. or would you rather believe he's a sick sadistic RACIST goth kid who goes around killing off dark skinned people because he's high on lemonade? in that case he's still pretty cool... everyone loves a psychopath. ecpecially me...
well well well... i think i just wrote my very own bible. well more like a rough draft. clearly in the real thing, there'll be some pretty cool sci-fi space battles going on. i'll make a movie! is god really who we think he is? or is he an intergalactic space spy in need of a headquarters? and will god find true love? coming to theatres 2009AD. it'll be the best. sci-fi star war-sy type thing for the boys, dejected SNAG in search of true love for girls, maybe throw in a homsexual twist ending for the gays. sure to do well one. if not in theatres, in DVD sales. muslims and christians will buy one to burn at every holiday. in fact! it could be a uniting factor for them!!! think about it, won't the UN get mighty pissed if the reason christians and muslims unite is my lameass movie and me?? it'll have a cult following too. im sure of it. be prepared ah, guys...
to conclude... if god existed, he/she wouldn't have time to write autobigraphies. especially ones that left out all those ingenius things he did coz showing of his pretty new toy would be the first thing he'd do. holy texts are speculations (just like my bible-cum-post) and have little truth to them. they're more like a collection of bedtime stories for children. along the way, there are some pretty awesome advice on how live a guilt-free life. however, there has yet to be one that explains everything comprehensively. even science textbooks don't claim to tell you everything (that's the great thing about science. it isn't just one lunatic spewing crazy theories, its many... so you can choose whichever ones are the coolest and sounds the most plausible. it never assumes we need to know everything or that it knows everything).
so don't shut out reality just because of what the bible or qu'ran or vedas says. when some guy with too much free time on his hands excavates evidence for the existance of dinosaurs, go with it. don't call it a test of faith (apparently fossils were planted by god to test religious faith. im not shitting you). call it your fellow man's thirst for knowledge and intelligence. call it an obsession for the truth. call it one of god's whims even... just don't block reality out of your brain. god's will is invisible and probably not there. gospel truth could possibly be undermining the dictionary definition of "truth". but evidence is there for you to see. so open your eyes big big and don't waste the brain that (disco pants wearing, weed smoking, hermaphrodite god invented for you) and/ or (you inherited from a babboon after years of hard evolutionary work).
there's so many pretty awesome things going on... solar eclipses (coming to singapore 26th jan 2009), lunar eclipses, rain (fascinates me to no end), hurricanes, earthquakes, tonadoes, hot air rises-cold air sinks, north pole-south pole, the 4 seasons... so many many things that are so fucking ingenius that you want to TAKE OVER THE PLANET AND PROD IT LIKE YOU WOULD A FISHBALL WITH A CHOPSTICK. urgh its frustrating to die not knowing everything. i seriously want to become a giant so that that i can play and pick apart the earth to know its wondrous and fascinating secrets. maybe its like a ferrerro rocher. layer after layer. what is it about round things that you want to put it in your mouth??
if there was a god, i want him to take me on a tour on his magical sleigh pulled along by flying reindeers (whoops. that's father christmas.). god would be my tour guide, and he'd show me all the cool gizmos he came up with and explain them to me. i think it'd be even more fascinating if all he was now was one giant humungous brain sitting in a tub (henry sugar?) only cared for by a phychic caretaker who could read minds but was blind, deaf and mute so she can't tell anyone. and this huge brain needed to be bathed with a special solution so that its still fresh and alive. what if this special solution was rare and expensive?? i hope the phychic girl has cash! well if she lived in britain she could get welfare. or she gets insurance for her disabilities. hope her parents got her some eh?
OR if god was a SHE. even more splendid. we could have girl-talk and buzz ideas of each other. i'd talk to her about changing the aesthetic aspects of men's genitals and maybe get myself a new nose. or at least give my kids a better one... she'd totally understand where im coming from... actually its most plausible if god didn't have a gender. if he did, then he could just procreate and make an even more superior species than us. oooh maybe he has already. we were the test subjects see. and there's a utopia somewhere out there made with the perfected fomula, hidden away from us... a perfect place with no drought and famine. everybody would have perfect genetics and would look like movie stars. people would work because they liked it, not because they need money. they wouldn't need currency. god would have made them all so happy and perfect that they would all be the ideal communists. sharing caviar, blue cheese and wine. in that case... no fair. i wanna migrate.
who knows. maybe god died. *gasp* it has been billions of years. im sure if there was a god, he'd get bored sooner or later. maybe he didn't see the need to stick around. maybe he thought we're fine on our own and decided to OD on coke. who knows? after all he wouldn't have many friends. if he did, im sure as soon as he created earth, all his friends turned on him, no longer seeing him as their equal... but as GOD, as a leader rather than a friend. oooh oooh maybe WE were his friends but once he revealed to us that he made everything, WE turned against him too. maybe we killed him in disbelief. OR god felt lonely because no one would talk to him anymore. it became a political mindgame around him. maybe that's how war started, people fighting over who wants to be his best friend (paris hilton style). and he could no longer bear to live with us after feeling guilty for starting war. his girlfriend left him too (she didn't want to have superbabies). she eloped with the stables keeper leaving god devastated and lovelorn. he had no choice but to invent drugs and alcohol and drown his sorrows, and henceforth, all men's sorrows in them.
or it could be that god got intoxicated on power and began dictating everyone and cheating on his gf. he is a genius after all. in my experience, geniuses are usually SNAGs with girly voices or total dicks. maybe a dinosaur ate him. yeah... he created things he couldn't control and things sort of started to spiral out of his capabilities. he saw a dinosaur and decided he wanted to shag it... for... fun. and the dinosaur got mighty pissed and ate him and god was alright with it see. he's a cool guy. very laid back. he knew he made a mistake with all them dinos and so, just before he died he killed off all the dinosaurs and let evolution take its course... hmm... that one made the least sense. if he could kill of dinosaurs why let himself get eaten? clearly no thought went into this one.
aha! god could be a super nerd. with a super computer. a mac probably. he could be playing sims with us right now... or he did play, but invented a new game (battle star galactica) and forgot all about us. hence, all the poverty and famine. or would you rather believe he's a sick sadistic RACIST goth kid who goes around killing off dark skinned people because he's high on lemonade? in that case he's still pretty cool... everyone loves a psychopath. ecpecially me...
well well well... i think i just wrote my very own bible. well more like a rough draft. clearly in the real thing, there'll be some pretty cool sci-fi space battles going on. i'll make a movie! is god really who we think he is? or is he an intergalactic space spy in need of a headquarters? and will god find true love? coming to theatres 2009AD. it'll be the best. sci-fi star war-sy type thing for the boys, dejected SNAG in search of true love for girls, maybe throw in a homsexual twist ending for the gays. sure to do well one. if not in theatres, in DVD sales. muslims and christians will buy one to burn at every holiday. in fact! it could be a uniting factor for them!!! think about it, won't the UN get mighty pissed if the reason christians and muslims unite is my lameass movie and me?? it'll have a cult following too. im sure of it. be prepared ah, guys...
to conclude... if god existed, he/she wouldn't have time to write autobigraphies. especially ones that left out all those ingenius things he did coz showing of his pretty new toy would be the first thing he'd do. holy texts are speculations (just like my bible-cum-post) and have little truth to them. they're more like a collection of bedtime stories for children. along the way, there are some pretty awesome advice on how live a guilt-free life. however, there has yet to be one that explains everything comprehensively. even science textbooks don't claim to tell you everything (that's the great thing about science. it isn't just one lunatic spewing crazy theories, its many... so you can choose whichever ones are the coolest and sounds the most plausible. it never assumes we need to know everything or that it knows everything).
so don't shut out reality just because of what the bible or qu'ran or vedas says. when some guy with too much free time on his hands excavates evidence for the existance of dinosaurs, go with it. don't call it a test of faith (apparently fossils were planted by god to test religious faith. im not shitting you). call it your fellow man's thirst for knowledge and intelligence. call it an obsession for the truth. call it one of god's whims even... just don't block reality out of your brain. god's will is invisible and probably not there. gospel truth could possibly be undermining the dictionary definition of "truth". but evidence is there for you to see. so open your eyes big big and don't waste the brain that (disco pants wearing, weed smoking, hermaphrodite god invented for you) and/ or (you inherited from a babboon after years of hard evolutionary work).
Friday, January 9, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
in limbo
it ain't music y'all... it bad booty rap... you dig it, home dawg?jaydiohead? JAYDIOHEAD??!! really?! you've gotta be fucking kidding me... jay z+radiohead=washed up failed musician DJ who can't make decent music by himself so he slaps crap together in order to make the greens. GRRR!!! RAW!!! *RIPS SHIRT OF LIKE THE HULK* you've messed up big time buddy... i am pissed. i am VERY pissed. DJ minty fresh beats is going DOWN if he messes with my radiohead stuff.
EVERYONE'S a musician... sheesh...
seriously its horseshit. its loud and obnoxious. its lameass rap... need i say more? makes thom yorke seem like a tacky mismatched mysogynistic tasteless rapper from the broncs who also just happens to be an evangelical christ boot(sandal)licker.
gosh, i wonder what jay z(ed) and radiohead have to say about this. neither of them even know who the other is...
jay z: radio? i thought all y'all usin' ipods now?
thom yorke: jay z(ed)? who is the devil is he? oooooh i remember... he's that toddler from cbeebies named after 2 of the alphabets right? right....?
if you want to check this monstous birth out, here's the link:
http://jaydiohead.com/
EVERYONE'S a musician... sheesh...
seriously its horseshit. its loud and obnoxious. its lameass rap... need i say more? makes thom yorke seem like a tacky mismatched mysogynistic tasteless rapper from the broncs who also just happens to be an evangelical christ boot(sandal)licker.
gosh, i wonder what jay z(ed) and radiohead have to say about this. neither of them even know who the other is...
jay z: radio? i thought all y'all usin' ipods now?
thom yorke: jay z(ed)? who is the devil is he? oooooh i remember... he's that toddler from cbeebies named after 2 of the alphabets right? right....?
if you want to check this monstous birth out, here's the link:
http://jaydiohead.com/
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