monumental virgin

hello

has it really been this long since my last post? well i guess this post marks my return... or not. depending on how i nteresting my life is... well. make that how interesting my life sounds.

ive got a new laptop. since im not the one paying for it, it isn't a mac like i had hoped.

...now for some gossip on my painfully dull existence. assuming only die hard fans of my life will continue visiting this site after i've been dormant for so long... i shall reveal one of my many embarrassing incidences that i have lived through since my last slew of declarations (confessions). i fell in love.

or fell in love the only way i knew how. i remember when i was 11 and i made a handmade birthday card for the love of my life (or so i thought). inside was a rather lame poem... the sort where the letters of his name are acronyms for qualities i liked about him. yeah you can stop snickering now, im sure you've had moments in your life where you look back and seem quite small and juvenile to yourself. anyways, the point im trying to make is that i haven't changed a single bit. i am still 11 when it comes to my experiences in love and subsequently my reactions to it. its quite sad to admit but i am, in fact, quite unaware of what love is.

not that im some sort of desperate virgin(!!) but as i approach 19 and leave behind a more tender age of 18, it is worrying that my ideas of love have yet to mature. i know tons about sex and relationship mindgames and all that stuff you can learn for free on the internet, movies and music but i am sad to day that my lack of life experience leaves love a rather foreign concept.

as a result i began (and ended) a painful infatuation with a guy i know nothing about. not even his name, only the interval he left in between each shave and his penchant for jane austen. it was an infatuation that cost me a considerable fortune. many girls have lost much more, but knowing that i have moved on entirely with nothing more than a memory of that painful experience is disappointing. i did nothing and hence, i learnt nothing. i am, indeed, still a child, still 11 years old, taking the long route home to pass by the bus stop and wave to my one time crush waiting for his 985 bus.

ah well, i guess i shall wait for that one special asshole just made to come around and break my heart. maybe then i will learn.

it was my day off today. it was wonderful. my nails are a funky gold and i finally got to eat a cadbury fruit and nut bar today. if i continue to get around to blogging, i think i might devulge some work crap that's going on... hopefully i don't get sued. til next time.

ps: if you saw sawyer, you'd fall instantly in love with him.




pps: im talking about my laptop.